Author Topic: Subject: Dog for Sale  (Read 4161 times)

280plus

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Subject: Dog for Sale
« on: February 19, 2012, 10:09:48 AM »

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in
front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale 'He rings
the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever
sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So,
what's your story?'

The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was
pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA.

In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in
rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be
eavesdropping.'

'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running...

But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any
younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to
do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and
listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch
of medals.'

'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the
dog.

'Ten dollars,' the guy says.


'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so
cheap?'

'Because he's a Bullshitter . He's never been out of the yard'
Avoid cliches like the plague!

Ben

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Re: Subject: Dog for Sale
« Reply #1 on: February 19, 2012, 10:19:00 AM »
 :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
"I'm a foolish old man that has been drawn into a wild goose chase by a harpy in trousers and a nincompoop."

Doggy Daddy

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Re: Subject: Dog for Sale
« Reply #2 on: February 19, 2012, 11:19:48 AM »
'Because he's a Bull*expletive deleted*ter . He's never been out of the yard'

Someone should take that dog home and name him "Mabs".   ;/

DD
Would you exchange
a walk-on part in a war
for a lead role in a cage?
-P.F.

Mabs2

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Re: Subject: Dog for Sale
« Reply #3 on: February 19, 2012, 04:12:32 PM »
Wait, what?
I don't get it.
I don't even come here for two weeks and some of you are still making poorly thought out jokes about me?
If you're going to make fun of me, do it right.  This is just equivalent of taking anything a person says and throwing "your mom" on it.

Example:  YOUR MOM should take that dog home and name it Mabs.
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If you watch any of the really early episodes of the Porter Waggoner show she was in (1967) it's very clear that he was well endowed.
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280plus

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Re: Subject: Dog for Sale
« Reply #4 on: February 19, 2012, 04:41:04 PM »
Wouldn't it be more like "Someone should take that dog home and name it your mom"

Just askin'...  =)
Avoid cliches like the plague!

Jamie B

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Re: Subject: Dog for Sale
« Reply #5 on: February 19, 2012, 04:51:19 PM »
Someone should take that dog home and name him "Mabs".   ;/

DD
That is offensive to all Bullshiite talking dogs.
Greatness lies not in being strong, but in the right use of strength - Henry Ward Beecher

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BridgeRunner

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Re: Subject: Dog for Sale
« Reply #6 on: February 19, 2012, 08:18:05 PM »
And here I thought this was just another divorce thread.

Doggy Daddy

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Re: Subject: Dog for Sale
« Reply #7 on: February 19, 2012, 08:22:29 PM »
I can summon spirits!   >:D
Would you exchange
a walk-on part in a war
for a lead role in a cage?
-P.F.

seeker_two

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Re: Subject: Dog for Sale
« Reply #8 on: February 19, 2012, 10:18:33 PM »
I can summon spirits!   >:D

So can your mom.....
 



=D




Impressed yet befogged, they grasped at his vivid leading phrases, seeing only their surface meaning, and missing the deeper current of his thought.

S. Williamson

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Re: Subject: Dog for Sale
« Reply #9 on: February 19, 2012, 11:48:45 PM »
I believe the correct "sick burn" in this case would be:  I can summon your mom.  :laugh:
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Monkeyleg

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Re: Subject: Dog for Sale
« Reply #10 on: February 19, 2012, 11:53:55 PM »
I heard that joke in the 1970's. I don't think Mabs was around then. ;)

freakazoid

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Re: Subject: Dog for Sale
« Reply #11 on: February 20, 2012, 12:31:35 AM »
I have a friend who I do mom jokes any chance I get. Started on deployment and it hasn't stopped since. Sometimes they get pretty complex. :lol:
"so I ended up getting the above because I didn't want to make a whole production of sticking something between my knees and cranking. To me, the cranking on mine is pretty effortless, at least on the coarse setting. Maybe if someone has arthritis or something, it would be more difficult for them." - Ben

"I see a rager at least once a week." - brimic

MechAg94

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Re: Subject: Dog for Sale
« Reply #12 on: February 20, 2012, 10:02:06 AM »
Wait, what?
I don't get it.
I don't even come here for two weeks and some of you are still making poorly thought out jokes about me?
If you're going to make fun of me, do it right.  This is just equivalent of taking anything a person says and throwing "your mom" on it.

Example:  YOUR MOM should take that dog home and name it Mabs.

Why should we listen to you when you are only worth 10 dollars?  You just talk BS anyway from what I hear.
“It is much more important to kill bad bills than to pass good ones.”  ― Calvin Coolidge

seeker_two

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Re: Subject: Dog for Sale
« Reply #13 on: February 20, 2012, 10:13:39 AM »
I believe the correct "sick burn" in this case would be:  I can summon your mom.  :laugh:

Why would I want to do that?......ewwww......




=D
Impressed yet befogged, they grasped at his vivid leading phrases, seeing only their surface meaning, and missing the deeper current of his thought.

Jamie B

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Re: Subject: Dog for Sale
« Reply #14 on: February 20, 2012, 11:31:04 AM »
I have a friend who I do mom jokes any chance I get. Started on deployment and it hasn't stopped since. Sometimes they get pretty complex. :lol:
Well, my Mom can beat your Mom's *expletive deleted*ss!  =D
Greatness lies not in being strong, but in the right use of strength - Henry Ward Beecher

The Almighty tells me He can get me out of this mess, but He’s pretty sure you’re f**ked! - Stephen

seeker_two

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Re: Subject: Dog for Sale
« Reply #15 on: February 20, 2012, 02:26:33 PM »
Well, my Mom can beat your Mom's *expletive deleted*ss!  =D

Kinky..... ;)
Impressed yet befogged, they grasped at his vivid leading phrases, seeing only their surface meaning, and missing the deeper current of his thought.

Mabs2

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Re: Subject: Dog for Sale
« Reply #16 on: February 20, 2012, 03:34:11 PM »
So can your mom.....
 



=D





I wouldn't call opening a liquor cabinet "summoning spirits" though.
Quote from: jamisjockey
Sunday it felt a little better, but it was quite irritated from me rubbing it.
Quote from: Mike Irwin
If you watch any of the really early episodes of the Porter Waggoner show she was in (1967) it's very clear that he was well endowed.
Quote from: Ben
Just wanted to give a forum thumbs up to Dick.

wmenorr67

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Re: Subject: Dog for Sale
« Reply #17 on: February 20, 2012, 11:07:09 PM »
I wouldn't call opening a liquor cabinet "summoning spirits" though.

Hey that actually is a pretty good one Mabs.
There are five things, above all else, that make life worth living: a good relationship with God, a good woman, good health, good friends, and a good cigar.

Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you, Jesus Christ and the American Soldier.  One died for your soul, the other for your freedom.

Bacon is the candy bar of meats!

Only the dead have seen the end of war!

seeker_two

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Re: Subject: Dog for Sale
« Reply #18 on: February 21, 2012, 05:59:05 AM »
I wouldn't call opening a liquor cabinet "summoning spirits" though.

I agree....summoning would require at least a "Hey, bartender...."
Impressed yet befogged, they grasped at his vivid leading phrases, seeing only their surface meaning, and missing the deeper current of his thought.