Armed Polite Society
Main Forums => The Roundtable => Topic started by: MillCreek on May 15, 2019, 10:15:47 AM
-
Dear patient:
You came into my clinic grimacing in pain and pointing to your abdomen. We found a translator and started to ask questions about your condition. As soon as you told us about inserting a foot-long carrot into your anus and stopped because it hurt, we had a good idea what was happening. The aid unit responded promptly, and we heard from the hospital that you are recovering well from your emergency surgery to repair your lacerated bowel. Please use a shorter carrot next time.
-
Sweet jesus... no. Just no.
-
Next stop for that carrot and other vegetables like it?
Your salad.
Enjoy that thought
-
https://www.safetysign.com/products/8381/exit-only-do-not-enter-sign?s=st1zsk1q5fzpplkmzbp1b1
-
https://www.safetysign.com/products/8381/exit-only-do-not-enter-sign?s=st1zsk1q5fzpplkmzbp1b1
As effective as a no guns sticker.
-
I can do better than that. A decorative glass banana, with a string scotch taped to it to aid in recovery. Well, seeing as to how the area it was inserted is usually moist and the friction of repetitive in and out motion the tape failed and the banana became somewhat lost in the void and could no longer be grasped by human fingers. So what to do? Hey, I know, let's take a screwdriver and try to pry it out of the clutches of the dark abyss. You can guess how that went, glass banana chipping, bowel lacerated, blood from the damage making things even more difficult. Well, I guess I may as well go to the ER he said, honey would you drive me he said. I actually felt sorry for the wife, she just sat there looking at the floor the whole time, him I didn't care how he felt, play stupid games, win stupid prizes. I don't know if he ended up pooping in a bag for a while or not.
bob
-
There's some things you just should do with the rabbit hole
Sent from my Pixel XL using Tapatalk
-
Welcome to the new normal we're suppose to embrace.
-
Next stop for that carrot and other vegetables like it?
Your salad.
Enjoy that thought
So was he one of those workers who do jobs Americans won't do anymore?
Did he happen to work in one of the farms where one of those E. Coli outbreaks originated from?
At least it wasn't a small mammal.
-
So was he one of those workers who do jobs Americans won't do anymore?
Did he happen to work in one of the farms where one of those E. Coli outbreaks originated from?
At least it wasn't a small mammal.
Whoa.... small mammal, carrots, insertion down (or up) the rabbit hole. There may be a whole new market here for those with a propensity to shove things where they really should not go. Ladies and gentlemen, may I present.............. The Gerbcicle...... the gerbil on a carrot.......soon to be available in your frozen food section.
bob
-
"What's up, doc?"
-
After reading the title of this thread, I didn't want to read it, but I had to anyway...
-
So was he one of those workers who do jobs Americans won't do anymore?
Did he happen to work in one of the farms where one of those E. Coli outbreaks originated from?
At least it wasn't a small mammal.
Sometimes I wonder
-
Er... I... uh..
(https://armedpolitesociety.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F2.bp.blogspot.com%2F-5wWqxDx3wO0%2FTymxrrmuFaI%2FAAAAAAAAArw%2FJMFy6cAt8zw%2Fs1600%2FNathan-Fillion-reaction-gif.gif&hash=880234f0b13e2c9001bf8c74cb0c107fa0cd3af2)
-
"It was a million to one chance, Doc. A million to one." --Cosmo Kramer
(https://psmag.com/.image/c_limit%2Ccs_srgb%2Cq_auto:good%2Cw_700/MTYyMzI2OTI2MzczOTU0OTM3/screen-shot-2019-02-28-at-42051-pm.png)
-
So was he one of those workers who do jobs Americans won't do anymore?
Did he happen to work in one of the farms where one of those E. Coli outbreaks originated from?
At least it wasn't a small mammal.
One time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck up his ass. True story. He bought it at our local mall, so the whole fiasco wound up on the news. It was embarrassing for my relatives and all, but next week, he did it again. Different cat, same results, complete with another trip to the emergency room. So, I run into him a week later in the mall and he's buying another cat. And I says to him, "Jesus, Walt! What are you doing? You know you're just gonna get this cat stuck up your ass too. Why don't you knock it off?" And he said to me, "Brodie, how the hell else am I supposed to get the gerbil out?" My cousin was a weird guy.
-
He could've had a V-8.
-
Dachshunds were made to get rats in tunnels, THAT'S what he needs! [popcorn]
-
Dachshunds were made to get rats in tunnels, THAT'S what he needs! [popcorn]
Actually badgers. Dachs = badger in German. :)
-
The dachshund (UK: /ˈdakshʊnd/[2] or US: /ˈdɑːkshʊnt/ DAHKS-huunt [3] or /ˈdɑːksənt/;[4] English: badger dog; also known as the sausage dog or wiener dog) is a short-legged, long-bodied, hound-type dog breed. They may be smooth-haired, wire-haired, or long-haired.
The standard-size dachshund was developed to scent, chase, and flush out badgers and other burrow-dwelling animals, while the miniature dachshund was bred to hunt smaller prey such as rabbits. In the Western United States, they have also been used to track wounded deer and hunt prairie dogs.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dachshund
:old:
-
Stinking badgers...
-
Hahahahah.
Anyone remember Jarsquatter?
I'm only posting the "know your meme" link, since the actual gif is easily enough found but impossible to unsee.
https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/1-guy-1-jar
-
And the link is impossible to unread.
-
WE don need no steenking badgers!
-
Welcome to the new normal we're suppose to embrace.
;/. People have been sticking things in their asses for centuries
-
(https://armedpolitesociety.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fherohog.com%2Fimages%2FHumor%2FOBGYNWTF.jpg&hash=fb93cfee969b947135c894370aca89566555ca51)
https://www.amazon.com/Sex-Toys-Online-Store-DJ0261-01/dp/B001ZRUUGQ
-
;/. People have been sticking things in their asses for centuries
But it was considered Abby Normal back then. Now, not so much.
-
I know a lot of lawyer who suffer from cranial sphincter insertion, but that's not the kind of "up ass" activity we are talking about... :lol:
-
But it was considered Abby Normal back then. Now, not so much.
It still is in most places. Thanks to the internet, it just isn't something you never heard of anymore.
-
Why what timing, just yesterday, "I was celebrating my birthday (1 month early) and must have passed out. When I woke up someone had shoved something up my ass." Um-uh....I am sure that is how that 5" cylindrical object got up there. Today you meet the knife!!!
bob
-
;/. People have been sticking things in their asses for centuries
(https://www.thevintagenews.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/lead-887.jpg)
-
:old:
No self-respecting Dachshund of the Fatherland would be caught dead chasing a rat. Only the regal badger. Rat chasers are not dogs of pure Aryan blood. :P =D
-
Actually badgers. Dachs = badger in German. :)
Yup. For rats, get a terrier.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2Pyu-Cj0gg
-
And the link is impossible to unread.
My work here is done >:D