Post by: Matthew Carberry on December 16, 2007, 05:48:27 PM
A REALISTIC
ASSESSMENT OF
HOW MANY 12-YEAR-OLDS I COULD BEAT UP BEFORE THEY OVERTOOK ME.
BY MATT SCHWEIGER
- - - -
Your average 12-year-old boy is about 5 feet tall, weighs in the area of a buck-fifteen, and has developed little muscle mass.
I am 21, approximately 6 feet tall, tip the scales at an even 180, and have a moderately athletic and muscular build.
Judging on these statistics and what I assume would be a natural ferocity that would spring forth in a moment of physical danger, I estimate that I could beat up seven 12-year-olds before they overtook me. Of course, these would have to be the aforementioned average-sized 12-year-olds. Future linebackers, NBA players, and all Scandinavian children would throw off this equation. On the flip side, if these were some wimpy, four-square-playing, future-jockey 12-year-olds, I imagine the number would skyrocket to anywhere between 12 and 15. It's simple exponential math.
This is also assuming that my opponents are smart enough to organize themselves into a circular attack instead of coming at me one by one. If it were an individual, king-of-the-mountain battle royale, I could endlessly pummel 12-year-olds without mercy. But we're assuming at least a sixth-grade education in a marginal public school as well as some exposure to kung-fu movies, so these kids would form a circle.
However, using my quick wits, I would charge one portion of the circle, landing a devastating blow on the unlucky individual, which would make the others proceed with hesitancy. One on one, I feel like I could deliver a lot of punishment to a 12-year-old. There would be one or two brave ones who would jump on my back, distracting me and thus enabling the others to attack. At best, I could fight off the two heroes on my back and maybe take out four on the ground before I was felled by fatigue and numerous kicks to my groin and shins. This would equal a grand total of seven.
My friend Brian, who stands about 6 feet 2 inches and is stronger than myself, estimates that he could take down a dozen 12-year-olds. I find this hard to believe, but he has been in a fight with people his own age and is a little taller, making groin shots more difficult. Brian's reach is much longer than mine as well, which is a huge advantage. If you can land solid shots from a distance longer than the 12-year-olds' legs, there is no need to worry about groin kicks.
He says he would attack one portion of the circle in a fury, scaring off any would-be heroes who wanted to jump on his back and sacrifice themselves for the group. Then he would deal massive blows until fatigue and the inevitable groin shots brought him to the ground. I told him I'd give him nine or ten, but even for the above-average Brian, taking down a dozen 12-year-olds seems like a lot.
If it weren't for the law and my own morals, we could put these pressing questions to rest. Alas, these barriers still stand in our way.
I'm a pacifist anyway.
Post by: Thor on December 16, 2007, 06:18:22 PM
Since I carry and IF a group of 12 year olds were to attack me, I'd hope to be able to take out at least 11 because I would definitely be in fear of great bodily harm or death.
Post by: wooderson on December 16, 2007, 06:30:36 PM
Can we get some funding and turn this into an experiment?
Post by: Bogie on December 16, 2007, 06:31:28 PM
Post by: Matthew Carberry on December 17, 2007, 01:35:55 AM
Find the leader and take him out..... the rest will probably flee.
Sure, in the '80s that was as easy as finding the kid in the red leather jacket and a single glove on the left hand...
Post by: Matthew Carberry on December 17, 2007, 01:38:11 AM
Hey, it is something to consider - the "gang of street urchins" is actually a thing to worry about in some areas...
I believe Mas Ayoob addressed this in a book. It is fairly easy to justify shooting an armed,30 year old to a jury. When it's a half-dozen unarmed (or less armed) 12 year olds, you better hope your lawyer is good.
Post by: 280plus on December 17, 2007, 01:49:58 AM
Post by: Matthew Carberry on December 17, 2007, 01:58:10 AM
Quote
However, using my quick wits, I would charge one portion of the circle, landing a devastating blow on the unlucky individual, which would make the others proceed with hesitancy. One on one, I feel like I could deliver a lot of punishment to a 12-year-old. There would be one or two brave ones who would jump on my back, distracting me and thus enabling the others to attack. At best, I could fight off the two heroes on my back and maybe take out four on the ground before I was felled by fatigue and numerous kicks to my groin and shins. This would equal a grand total of seven.
This falls under both mindset and tactics...
I found the link to this on Cracked.com.
However, this is no-poop real-world thinking for the bliss-ninnies among our families.
Post by: Tallpine on December 17, 2007, 08:26:46 AM
My way would be to just pick up a rock and bash their heads in.
Post by: Iain on December 17, 2007, 08:40:42 AM
I figured I'd pick the smallest one and use him/her as a weapon.
These hypotheticals I find are best reserved for when drunk.
Post by: Bogie on December 17, 2007, 08:45:42 AM
Hitting a bar backwards at the kidneys with 250 pounds on the other side of you is NOT a good thing... I'm guessing the fellow probably whizzed blood for a week.
Post by: HankB on December 17, 2007, 08:53:36 AM
. . . get a noob, surround him and act like they were playing with him and then one of them would pick his pocket.
My cousins were warned about this when they took a vacation trip to Jamaica some years back. The solution was to hire a "guide" through the hotel's bell captain to accompany them. The "guide" was a local, usually in his late teens or early 20's, and his only job was to keep the urchins at bay . . . the "kids" knew that unlike a Yankee tourist, another local would have no compunctions about planting a boot in some youthful pickpocket's face.And the local constabulary, not seeing the big payday they would should a Yankee tourist defend himself, ignored the whole thing.
Quote
I figured I'd pick the smallest one and use him/her as a weapon.
That was my first thought, too . . . Quote
These hypotheticals I find are best reserved for when drunk.
But I'm currently sober! 
Post by: Barbara on December 17, 2007, 10:43:54 AM
Personally, 24.
Post by: Tallpine on December 17, 2007, 11:40:56 AM
Inconceivable!
Post by: Perd Hapley on December 17, 2007, 12:20:41 PM
Now, sleep well, and dream of large women.
Post by: Bogie on December 17, 2007, 03:05:00 PM
http://www.break.com/index/another-david-vs-goliath.html
Post by: vaskidmark on December 17, 2007, 05:21:43 PM
Quote
25 You could take on 25 five year old kids in a fight.
Copy and paste the HTML code below into your blog or profile to share your score with others.
<a href="http://www.justsayhi.com/bb/fight5" style="display: block; background: url(http://assets.justsayhi.com/badges/664/692/fight5.hqn945dav8.jpg) no-repeat; width: 296px; height: 84px; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 42px; color: #fff; text-decoration: none; text-align: center; padding-top: 145px;">25[/url]<p><small>Free Online <a href="http://www.justsayhi.com">Dating[/url] from JustSayHi</small></p>
Copy and paste the HTML code below into your blog or profile to share your score with others.
<a href="http://www.justsayhi.com/bb/fight5" style="display: block; background: url(http://assets.justsayhi.com/badges/664/692/fight5.hqn945dav8.jpg) no-repeat; width: 296px; height: 84px; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 42px; color: #fff; text-decoration: none; text-align: center; padding-top: 145px;">25[/url]<p><small>Free Online <a href="http://www.justsayhi.com">Dating[/url] from JustSayHi</small></p>
I'm old, I'm cranky, and I don't have time for little children (or most other children, and quite a few who are out of their chronological childhood). Normally I just sit in my corner and grumble as I sip my porter, but if you disturb me you will get an up-close demonstration of the definition of "going berserk".
stay safe.
skidmark
Post by: Tallpine on December 17, 2007, 05:45:51 PM
Post by: DustinD on December 17, 2007, 06:49:53 PM
Post by: Bogie on December 17, 2007, 08:15:07 PM
Post by: Twycross on December 17, 2007, 10:01:13 PM
Twelve-year-olds, on the other hand... they might pose a bit of a problem.
Post by: griz on December 18, 2007, 02:25:25 AM
Post by: Firethorn on December 18, 2007, 07:40:42 AM
Personally, I wouldn't want to go up against many 12 year olds. Even average, non-future football player ones.