Much of my effort is expended in ducking the wrath of SWMBO, who has become caustic and incendiary in recent months.
Not sure if it's a chemical imbalance, attitudinal or behavioral anomaly, or just visceral hatred. The woman just ain't right, she's pretty p!ssed off at what she's experiencing in the wider world, and it's USUALLY directly or indirectly MY fault.
You know, Global Warming, unseasonally wet weather, high gas prices, no strong leader emerging as president to lead us to safe haven financially and with regard to terrorism...
Yep, I did all that.
And me not working since she INSISTED that I get the bad hip replaced RIGHT NOW, not later...leaving her unable to take a "girls' vacation" cruise with her buddies...
Uh huh. My bad.
Maybe someday I'll fix all these problems I have created.
Heaven help me.
Between second hand stories like this and the 'talk' I had with my girlfriend today (concerning how my lack of attendence at any church would make me a bad potential father) I'm really beginning to rethink getting married as a life goal. Being single with lots of money and no people chained to me who are blaming me for their life sounds much less hellish.
I've been in a bit of an existential funk myself lately. School absorbs my life in its totality. I'm either at school, or work, or studying. Or worrying about failing out of school. I'm not even in love with the end result (retail pharmacy) that is achieved, unless I get another graduate degree to do something different (more school, more delay of 'life'). It's hard when every day is filled with the same junk, same worries. Especially hard when there are consistent insurmountable problems.
I do agree with Winston Smith. I love Ayn Rand's writings and try to live out such ideals. To simply live right now, as 'now' is all that's real. To enjoy everything I do because it means I'm alive. Most of those things seem to get drowned out by the day-to-day, sadly.
A big drive for me is to also learn as much as I can (depressingly hindered as my time is wholly consumed by school). I read as much as I can, and foster as many new skills as I can like bushcraft skills or writing, etc.
It sounds trite, but I think finding a new hobby that you're passionate about would be a big key in feeling better about life. Just to be out experiencing something new or something I care about has always helped me. Examples of things I'm wishing I could be involved in are knifemaking, 3-gun, maybe gardening.
I love spending time with my family, but it's been a long time since I've even gotten to see them.
This too shall pass...
