"we need a 'worst impressions' thread more fun"

[Kyle]

By request of cassandra and sara's daddy

The first one that comes to mind.

So I met a girl at school. Very nice, very pretty latina. She seemed cool so I asked her if she wanted to have coffee the next night. I got an emphatic "yes I'd love to."

Feeling pretty good about it. Get to It's a Grind right on time. She shows up about 5 minutes later. I can tell something is not right as soon as I see her.

Right away, she ambushes me.

See, I guess she had done a preliminary Facebook checkup, right before she left to meet me.

The other important thing is, I had posted a Facebook "note" a few days earlier about illegal immigration.

Turns out, her parents are illegals and she is one of those hardcore "La Raza" types.

Suffice it to say that date lasted less than five minutes and the words "racist" and "piece of ____" were used at least a dozen times each in our wonderful "conversation."

[taurusowner]

So you called ICE right?

[HeroHog]

Beats the heck out of getting involved with her THEN having her find it. Still, not a fun way to speend a day...

[BridgeRunner]

Arranged date, as was the custom in my commnuity.  I'd driven a long way--to DC--to meet this guy and he was a total loser.  Annoying, constant stutter, and demonstrated kind of a complete lack of independent thought.

I decided to have fun with this.  After all, I was a fiery young libertarian and he was a boring sheeple and we were in DC.  Several hours worth of semi-sensical babbling about freedom, the constitution, and various conspiracy theories, and I think I thoroughly frightened off on not only me, but women and possibly people in general.

My performance even included muttering interesting things about the fascist capitol police all around. 

It was amusing.  Sometimes a date just needs to be scuttled.

[grislyatoms]

Got an unusual phone call at work one morning.

"Hi, this is Susan, you may not know me but I work in patient accounting right next door. I am leaving for another job Friday and thought we might go have a drink or something."

I said "Sure." I thought why not, how bad could it be? Little did I know...

Anyway, ended up meeting at Chuck E. Cheese, she had her niece with her and I had my daughter. Thought it would be a good idea to watch the kids play and sort of break the ice.

Walk up to the counter to order and I say "How about a pizza, a pitcher of Coke and some game tokens?"
She: "Think that will be enough? I imagine we might be here awhile..."
Me: "Well, I'll probably eat a couple slices, I don't imagine my daughter will even finish one..."

She cut me off.

She: "Let's get the two pizzas, a couple pitchers, and the heaping handful of tokens."
Me: "Uhhhh....okay."

Reach into my wallet for the $40 tab, looking at her to maybe pitch in. After all, she asked me out, and ordered something a bit more than I really wanted to spend. Certainly more than we could possibly eat. She just looks around, acting unaware. Sigh.

Kids run around and play, the food arrives, and we seem to be having a good time. Conversation is going well. I ask her about work, why she is leaving, about her co-workers.

She: "Why? Do you like one of them? Want to date one of them?

Me: "Uhhh, no just trying to make conversation..."

Suddenly, she stands up, and says "I have to go. I have to leave. I can't be in here."

Me: "Did I say something?

She: "No, I just, I have to go."

She went and gathered up her niece, and came back to the table.

Me: "You alright?"
She: "Yes.No. I don't know."

She just stood there looking at me for a moment.

Me: "Uhh, well, do you want to take one of these pizzas with you?"

She: "Why would I want to take one? Think I'll pig out on it when I get home? Think I have an eating disorder, or something?"

Me: "No..., I was just asking...if you would like some...pizza, to take with you."

She: "Goodbye"

So there I am with a pizza and half, two pitchers of Coke and a gazillion tokens.

Gave away the tokens, and kiddo and I just left.

A couple of days later I get a candy and balloons arrangement at work from her, with a little card apologizing, and asking if I would give her another shot.

I ignored it.

Then she called me, at work. "So what do you say, want to try again?"

Me: "I would rather have my eyelids stapled to my forehead."

Never heard from her again, thankfully.

[BridgeRunner]

Wow.  Someone needs to let that chick's sister know that she way too unstable to be trusted with a kid.  Just sayin'

[grislyatoms]

Annoying, constant stutter,

I dated one girl with an Elmer Fudd-type of nervous laugh.

"See that train wreck on the news?" "Huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh, no."

"Want to go to Joe's party" "Huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh, yes."

"Looks like a good day for the beach". "Huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh".

Attractive young woman, intelligent, but just drove me batty with that damned laugh.

[Viking]

Would a "worst impression evah!, but I still got laid" be of interest?

[Mabs2]

This thread amuses me.

[Iain]

Me: I see you're the face of local government at this event today. Can't imagine anything worse myself.
Her: I enjoy it, I love my job.

Ok, so she made a bad impression on me, but it still fits in this thread. Attractive girl, apparently has a total sense of humour bypass though. Or doesn't find me entertaining in the slightest.

[BridgeRunner]

Would a "worst impression evah!, but I still got laid" be of interest?

I vote yes.

[Monkeyleg]

While in college, there was this young woman I saw frequently in the cafeteria. She was quite attractive. I noticed that she was returning my glances at her, so I finally went over and asked her out.

I picked her up at her parent's house, and we just started driving around for a bit, trying to figure out where to go. She needed to use a restroom, so I stopped at a gas station.

She came back to the car with a question. The bathrooms had the male and female symbols on the doors, and she didn't know which was which.

I took her home right away.

[Viking]

I vote yes.

Right.
Early August, 2006. I'm at a festival, sitting in the beer tent together with my buddy, drinking horrible but deliciously ice-cold beer. We are into a rather heated discussion about zombies, and how one would best kill them (we are both a bit odd). What passes for arguments are loud and drunkenly obnoxious, him favouring various melee weapons, while I favor heavy firearms. Discussion got pretty rowdy, animated and loud...

Two chicks come up to our table, asking if they can sit down. We wave in affirmative, and they sit down, one next to me, the other next to my buddy. Me & my buddy continue talking. They attempt to introduce themselves, which makes me and my buddy snarl at them, yelling that we are discussing the future of the human race, so STFU! They do STFU, and 5 minutes later or so, my buddy and I are done arguing with our friendly debate.
Despite our earlier behaviour towards them, we soon start chatting with them, and drinking more beer, and me and one of the girls also chainsmoking. Pretty soon, me and one of the girls are busy exchanging saliva and investigating each others' anathomy(), and I still don't know exactly how it came to that, except that she crawled over the table to get to me. (Things are a bit hazy) Anyhow, we went off to my tent. After that, which we shan't say too much about, we split up, having exchanged phone numbers, though I got her number wrong, so no more contact during the festival.
2 weeks after, I get an sms from her, and we hook up later when I'm visiting Stockholm, where she lives. Moar intimacy follows that night/morning, and we split up again. A month later, I get the "I need to talk to you about something"-sms. I knew exactly what it was... (she'd found another dude who didn't live like 250 miles from her...)
Stuff like this happens to me occasionally. Only when I'm really drunk though. I have a theory that I DO get more attractive when I'm shitfaced . That's another story though, and not quite as much fun story-wise, although it was fun IRL.
So, do I win?

[Iain]

A month later, I get the "I need to talk to you about something"-sms. I knew exactly what it was... (she'd found another dude who didn't live like 250 miles from her...)

That could have been a lot worse.

[BridgeRunner]

So, do I win?

Nope.

[Viking]

That could have been a lot worse.

Yep. Could've moved up to be with her, like I planned to do. That would've opened a whole can of worms...

[grislyatoms]

Yep. Could've moved up to be with her, like I planned to do. That would've opened a whole can of worms...

Somehow, I don't think that is quite what Iain was thinking...

[grislyatoms]

Wow.  Someone needs to let that chick's sister know that she way too unstable to be trusted with a kid.  Just sayin'

I had exactly the same thought. Hope her Mom was better than her Aunt, in that respect...yeesh.

[Viking]

Somehow, I don't think that is quite what Iain was thinking...

I was pretty certain I hadn't knocked her up, so the "We need to talk..."-sms could be just one thing...

[Bogie]

On a summer home from college working on the farms, I had a date. She wasn't from around there. Things were going okay tho, and I decide to show her the farms... We drive past the front with the houses, and since I didn't really want to drive past the big house, with the Dragon Lady in it, with my date, I figured I'd show her the barn at the back of the place... Which was kinda scenic, even in the dark...

So we're on the road around the farm, and I see a possum crossing. You can probably guess what's about to happen... Anywho, we'd been losing chickens, ducks and baby peacocks (even dumber than the adults...) to predators, and this looks like a likely culprit, so I went to England for a moment, and got it right before it dove for the ditch. I had a '71 VW van at the time, and I got a double-thump... Front and rear tire...
 
Well, turns out that my date DEFINITELY wasn't from the country, and figured that possums were god's critters, and should be loved and cuddled.

Never made it back to the scenic portion of the property.

[Monkeyleg]

I had another bad first impression, not with the girl but with her brother (or so I thought).

I'd been seeing her for a few weeks, and she invited me over to her folks' house. I walked into the living room, and her brother was standing there. He was a fairly big guy, and just out of the Army.

"This is Richard," she said to him. "He's teaching me about sex."

I expected to be beaten to a pulp, but apparently he didn't care what she did. He and I became good friends, and remained so long after I realized she was a fruitcake and dumped her.

[Nitrogen]

I Dated a girl who was a vegan.  A really insane one.

She was quite beautiful, and the sex was amazing, so it's easy to overlook insanity for a while.

Only for a while.

One day, while discussing dinner, without thinking, I said something along the lines of, "I really need a hanburger tonight."

She slapped me across the face, kicked me in the groin, and screamed at the top of her lungs, "YOU DON'T NEED A HAMBURGER!  I havn't had one in 10 YEARS YOU DON'T NEED ONE!" and continued hitting me.

needless to say, that was pretty much the end of THAT.

[cassandra and sara's daddy]

i like bogies one!


wife one  she was 14 looked 21
i was just 16 been out all night with friends passed out at the party woke up at 8 or so and decided to cruse by her house on way home. been warned about her dad but no pickup in the driveway so i stop go to door  knock.  door opens big  man  not pleased. 6'4 240 21 years of dc cop. big white russian from allentown.   looked very strangly at me and gave me a resounding NO when i asked if natalie was home. i beat a quick retreat and he followed me to driveway. as i left i discovered when i looked in the mirror that while i was passed out my friends had put makeup on me. eye shadow blush  the works. and they did my toe nails too  green.  and apparently the bumperstickers on the 70 vw camper didn't thrill him either. "don't laugh it might be your daughter" and "cocaine leads to hard drugs" was way funnier to me than him.as a result 8 years later(5 of them married to her) i would drop her off on the highway and she'd walk down the farm driveway while i stayed in a hotel. he held a grudge. she on the other hand liked me. nice girls like bad boys.


and yes i live in quaking fear with 2 girl kids

[Kyle]

Ok, I have two more.

First, when I was 18 I was on a cruise with my parents. They had a bunch of families with them so I spent most of the time looking for kids (mostly girls) in their teenage years to party with.

So I see this girl standing awkwardly by herself on the deck of the ship one night. She looks like an 18 year old version of Scarlett Johansen, from head to toe (and especially around the chest). So I go over and talk to her. I am amazed at how easy it is. The way she looked, for her to be that nervous about talking to a guy? I am chatting with her, thinking I could DEFINITELY make something happen with this.

Then up walks this guy. At first, I was like "uh-oh," competition. But then I remembered I had hung out with him the night before and he was really excited because the day before that had been his 15th birthday. So I am like, OK, dude is 15, not a problem for me.

He walks up and acts all familiar with her. WTF? Then came the kicker.

Hey, this is my big brother John.

Big brother. Fifteen years old, making her barely14 at the oldest? I said my goodbyes and probably left her wondering why I stopped being so friendly.

Second one is similar. I just turned 21. Ended up at a party with a lot of people I didn't know. Met a chick. Wayyyyy hot. Part Chinese part Mexican, all lovely. We start chatting and it turns out she is 18, just graduated and is hoping to start at NYU's photography school in the spring.

The fact that she was barely out of high school gave me pause. But she was so cool and interesting I figured I would give her a chance. Plus, going to school for photography? I love photography.

Anyway, we meet up for a few dates. Then one day she calls me and asks if I want to come hang out with some of her friends at a shisha place. I say yes and meet them there.

An hour into it, she starts telling a story. It goes something like this.

"So the other day, someone asked me if I wanted to go to some bar, and I was like 'dude I can't go to a bar I am only 16!'"

She didn't miss a beat. Kept talking like she hadn't noticed her slip-up. I quietly excused myself to go to the restroom. I went inside, paid for my food and left out the back door.

[Monkeyleg]

Nitrogen: :D :D :D So, how was the hamburger?

Kyle, I was 17 and my wife 14 when we met. She had me convinced that she was 16, right up until I let her drive my car, she hit another car, and I wound up in court on charges of contributing to the delinquency of a minor.