Well, it's either "Dammit, Irwin!" or "Thanks, Irwin!" With the talk of the ATACs in this thread, I kept looking at them because they looked very similar to the Blackhawk boots I like that aren't made anymore. Coincidentally a few weeks ago, LAPG had 20% off on 5.11s, so I said what the hell and got the 8" ATACs.
Turns out these are in fact just as comfortable as my old Blackhawks, and guess what? I like the zipper. I guess that bad pair of Danners just prematurely soured me on zippers. I've been wearing these around the farm and for town runs for the last couple of weeks, and they're comfortable and grippy on the loose gravel and stuff around here. The zipper has been super convenient, and I'm getting zero biting from it. These probably wouldn't be good boots for the kind of hiking I do, but as chore and knockaround boots, they seem to be a winner, especially for the price.