So, this guy's neighbor's half-cousin's housekeeper thinks I'm a sociopath

[HForrest]

For those of you who don't know, I'm sixteen. Although my childhood upbringing was fairly neutral on the issue of firearms, I had a strong interest in guns that began to develop around age 10/11... in the following years, I essentially converted both my parents from being relatively anti-gun, to now- we're gun owners, and my mom actually purchased her own firearm for personal defense.

In addition, I'm not necessarily the model of a perfect teenager. I recently quit school (albeit with a legal diploma equivalent), and I'm sort of at a standstill in the "doing stuff" department at this point. It's a complex situation, though. Too complex for judgement by those who aren't close to me.

So, with this background out of the way- Today I was having a small trivial argument with my mom, and I said something along the lines of "You don't trust me at all". She then replied "Yes, I do, you don't know how many times I've defended you when people compare you to Dylan Klebold".

Apparently, several people who I don't even know or have possibly met once (she won't tell me exactly who's said this, only that I don't know them that well), feel free to evaluate my psychiatric stability and capacity for violence, based soley on their limited knowledge of my interest with weapons and academic situation. According to the ignorant Helen Lovejoy-esque speculations of my mom's jackass acquaintances, I should be on anti-depressants, and seeing a psychiatrist too. Interesting, because that's news to me, and anyone who knows me personally.

Obviously, I'm just a wee-bit irritated.

I'm peeved with my mom, because she just blathers away about her personal life, and thus, my life, to her friends. She has a poor sense of discretion, in my opinion, and this is exactly how rumors and overblown, outlandish, horse-*expletive deleted*it gossip spread. My personal issues are nobody's business but mine and, to a limited extent, my parents. My mom's friends don't need to know about my life. I'm further upset by the fact that I can't discuss the issue personally with the people who make these absurd statements, because she refuses to tell me who they are.

Has anyone else dealt with a similar situation, where prejudices and gossip are formed about a person based on something like guns?

[Sindawe]

Well, I've meet ya, and I don't think you should be on anti-depressants or seeing a psychiatrist.

Anti-psychotics and a haircut, now THATs a different story. : neener :

Not guns, but I dealt with a fair measure of crud in H.S. about being a "drug dealer" and a bomb throwing radical due to my propensity to hear my hair long, my beard uncut and be rather vocal about the ideas put forth by other radicals by the names of Jefferson, Franklin, Henry & Locke.  It was a hassle at times, but it was just High School.  I will grant that this was 16 years prior to the events perpetrated by Klebold & Harris here in Colorado.  So YMMV

[Standing Wolf]

Combat-wombat:

You write far too well to be a nut case. I've no doubt there are articulate psychotics and/or sociopaths, but have never heard of articulate nut cases who craft intelligible sentences and punctuate them reasonably well.

A surprisingly large percentage of people can tell you what they don't like much more easily than what they do.

Onweird, eh?

Regards,
Standing Wolf

[Mabs2]

You write far too well to be a nut case.

That's the first thing I thought.

I just turned 20 and I've faced far simpler versions of the problems you've got before you (accused of being insane, paranoid, and other crud), but I'll go ahead and tell you my strategy.  I think it works pretty well:
Ignore them until they bother you, then kill them all with as few attacks as possible (or run away).
Life's far too short to worry about those sorts of people (unless they bother you, then you kill them), plus you have much more important things to worry about, like the undead or those pesky Korean mobsters.

[SpookyPistolero]

I got a lot of that myself, and (to my own peril) I was a little too well behaved growing up. People found out that shooting was a hobby of mine, and suddenly it didn't matter in the slightest that I spent half the week at church and the other half maintaining grades, blah, blah...

People think what they want to think, and they like to believe they've got their own, personal 'litmus test' for others, such as thinking that owning firearms when you're young makes you unstable and violent. Ding, ding! Here comes the erroneous conclusion train!

I've found you can save some stress by 'zooming out' and focusing on nothing more than those things you can control. You can't control the nitwits or their gabbing, so let it go. You can advise your mother not to be so loose-tongued when it comes to your hobbies, but can't control it more than that.

Just think about what career paths you might be interested in, and how you can work towards your goals to eventually escape all the 'tards.

(Incidentally, I too am constantly irritated by the 'drop-out = failure' philosophy that's so prevalent. My stepdad barely got through high school and now owns a multi-million dollar contracting corporation. The other side of the coin is that I know people with advanced degrees who I wouldn't trust with a potatoe gun.)

Best of luck in the quagmire.

-Spooky

[K Frame]

My suggestion?

Play to their fears.

[Perd Hapley]

I was a major knife nut at your age, but...I thought liking big-boy toys was expected behavior for teenaged boys.  I mean, what sixteen-year-old doesn't think guns are, like, totally awesome? 

[gunsmith]

Don't sweat it, enjoy the free rent and food while it last.

The "adults" your mom has had these conversations with are probably
not even half as articulate as you are.   I bet they are just plain jealous.

But I know how you feel, my last girl friend is really into "issues" and pop psychology stuff
and would blab personal info all the time, it is really annoying.

One time, instead of keeping her mouth shut , she told a homeless guy (that was merely annoying) that I was carrying a gun and pepper spray ...totally setting the guy off  and exacerbating the situation.....

Come to think of it, you know, your mom could inadvertantly(sic) letting the neighborhood druggie/thief know that he could get a gun at your house when you guys are/are not home.

[Vodka7]

Honestly, life gets a lot better after high school.  I know it's hard to get into a college (and especially hard to get any money) when you've got a GED and a less than stellar GPA, but one of my best friends managed both, and is doing pretty well now (a lot better than he would have if he went straight to a full time job anyway.)

So, while you're at home, just work on saving money and getting in to school somewhere, and like gunsmith said, enjoy the free heat, electricity, cable, food, and rent for as long as humanly possible .  And lighten up on your mom a bit, it could be something as simple as her mentioning the reasons she's proud of you.  "Son got me involved in a new hobby, cares about my well being, and just got his GED at age 16" = "my son is a nutzo gun owner who dropped out" to some people.  Nothing you can do to change their minds.

It all gets better in college, especially if you go to a big one--it's a lot easier to find someone with similar interests in a college of 20,000 than in a high school of 1,000.

[Mannlicher]

children should not be posting on firearms forums.

[Nick1911]

It all gets better in college, especially if you go to a big one--it's a lot easier to find someone with similar interests in a college of 20,000 than in a high school of 1,000.

Quoted for truth.

Things will improve, heck at Purdue we have a shooting club filled with gun nuts!

[280plus]

See, if his HS had a shooting program there would be less of a stigma associated with his interest in shooting and given the right shooting instructor, he might not have ever dropped out at all.

[Bob F.]

Dad was uneasy because I was into ropes & knots, eventhough I was much too good a kid! I had an uncle who was a phone co. lineman and another who'd been a sailor and gave me his seaman's manual. That was 50 yrs ago and I've never tied anyone up (against their will!) or hanged a foe, but the rope skills have been very handy in everyday life. Learned to tie a monkeyfist last year!

Conversly: I am very visually oriented. If you look like a thug, I assume you are, although I can be dissuaded in time.You write well and seem good enough. You're young, but you'll get over that, we all do.
Sounds as if you're stuck at the moment, too young for a good job without some special talent.
Consider a trade school or communtiy college. Flip burgers or whatever to pay your way and be the best employee the joint has. Don't know what you look like but you may have to make some concessions and "clean up" a little.

Read the graduation speech Bill Gates gave a couple years ago, I think in the Carolinas. Speaking of looks, have you seen what he looked like in his HS/college days?

Good luck, hang in there and don't let 'em drag you down to their level!
Bob

[HankB]

According to the ignorant Helen Lovejoy-esque speculations of my mom's jackass acquaintances, I should be on anti-depressants, and seeing a psychiatrist too.

What, do they WANT you to go off the deep end???

Don't they realize that virtually all of the school shooters WERE taking psychoactive drugs like Luvox, Prozac, or Ritalin?

Don't they realize that school shootings were unheard of before the pill-pushing quacks of modern psychiatry began their wholescale drugging of minors?

[client32]

I got a lot of that myself, and (to my own peril) I was a little too well behaved growing up. People found out that shooting was a hobby of mine, and suddenly it didn't matter in the slightest that I spent half the week at church and the other half maintaining grades, blah, blah...

I am glad I grew up in a small town where I did.  Shooting being a hobby was simply expected from boys and a good thing for girls.

[SteveS]

Don't they realize that school shootings were unheard of before the pill-pushing quacks of modern psychiatry began their wholescale drugging of minors?

Crime didn't exist either...or mass murder.  If we could only return to those days?  Those shooters were so messed up to begin with that giving them drugs would be like trying to put out a house fire with a squirt gun.  This is a different subject, though.

There will always be armchair psychologists that will read all sorts of things into your hobbies/interests.  This will happen in plenty of settings and does not just involve firearms.  Most of it, IMO, seems to have little basis in reality, but I have met people that don't help their situation.  I had an acquaintance that was into shooting and would talk about it all the time.  It didn't matter if the people he met had no interest in what he was saying, he would go on and on.  I don't think it made him a sociopath, just socially retarded.

I am not suggesting that you never talk about your interests, but you will get a better feel about how much as you get older. 

[Bogie]

My advice:
 
Determine what you want to do with the rest of your life.
 
Get a job that isn't fast food.
 
Are you dressing like something that would lead people to think that you are like those nuts? Don't dress like "oh, I'm so depressed that I'm a disaffected youth, so I'm going to display my depression." The goth thing is  b o r i n g. It's gonna irritate adults, which may get you off short-term, but long-term, well, it is a life-limiting situation.
 
Also, many of us adult-types have already been there, done that, and your situation is actually somewhat normal, so STFU, and get with the program. Yeah, you're smart. And you're different. So are a buncha other folks.
 
Also, dressing like the latest fashion statement outta Hollywood is generally also a life-limiting move - Most of the "slaves to fashion" who I know tend to be from the left side of the bell curve.
 
Are you interested in the military? You ARE intelligent, which leads me to think that you could get into one of the fun areas. Hint: "combat arms" is NOT one of the fun areas. ROTC is also an option. The armed services is THE biggest fraternity, and will give you a leg-up throughout the rest of your life. Also, if you go in at age 17, and stay in, you can RETIRE at half pay after 20 years. That is nothing to sneeze at.
 
Also, consider your own business. Yeah, at your age, it'll probably need to start really small time - but if it looks like it is going to be successful, you will get support...
 

[doczinn]

Hint: "combat arms" is NOT one of the fun areas.

It was for me!

Subway (the sandwich shop, not the train) was started by a 17-year old to make money for college.

[cassandra and sara's daddy]

f em  its kinda like foreign policy  your friends already like ya and will no matter  and the ones who don't like you aren't gonna change no matter what you do.

i supect some folks might not like ya cause you don't come off as being 16  that intimidates folks. good way to weed out the chaff.  those that see past that uncomfortability or who are cool enough not to be scared are worth having in your life and the others are small loss.  unless they are cute girls.   i woulda never guessed your age from your posts. woulda been off at leat 5 or ten years with my best guess.

[RevDisk]

Has anyone else dealt with a similar situation, where prejudices and gossip are formed about a person based on something like guns?

Yes.  Ironically mostly back in my Army days.  I was seen as a very well armed psychopath, best kept very far from civilized folk.  Perhaps wind chimes made out of mortar rounds wasn't the best decorative fashion...  Or perhaps because I used Santa as a target for a Finnish Mosin Nagent sniper rifle.  Belted .50 cal armor piercing incendiary silver tips for those smug reindeer too, courtsey of the Irish.  Anywho.  Less guns per se than aggression and intelligence back in high school.  I was a bit different, and didn't care much for societal norms.  Then and now.

People will form opinions of you based on anything they so choose.  Being outside of societal norms will mark you as different.  People do not generally like different.  You have two choices, be part of the herd.  Or not.  Life will get better for you now that you are not in a state run prison mislabeled "education".  Get a job to tide you over while you figure things out.  Preferably get a job that will teach you something.  Stocking shelves will pay the bills, but it won't teach you much useful for down the road.  Figure out where you want to end up, and then figure out a way to get there.  Improvise along the way to your goal.

Family is something you're born to, and don't have a choice in the matter.  Your options depend on your financial situation.  You're not like to change how much your mother chats with folks.  That's part of her personality. 

Seriously though, why put importance on the opinion of someone you don't know and probably could care less about?  I can understand being annoyed at the misconceptions of others, but at the end of the day if they're not friends, family or employers, does it really matter?

[Perd Hapley]

Or perhaps because I used Santa as a target

   I've gotta try that. 

[mfree]

"children should not be posting on firearms forums. "

I'll buy that. But young men and women are more than welcome.

There is a difference. A *huge* difference; much like the grown children running the anti-gun communities.

[Winston Smith]

Combat:

Don't talk about your hobby, unless it directly comes up. Talk about sporting. Only divulge the fact that you firmly believe in self defense to the fullest to close friends.

It's urban camoflauge.


As far as "stuff" goes
Dress snappy. Observe trends. Firm handshake, ask how they're doing, listen, ask questions. Don't talk about yourself that much. Don't complain, show up on time. These habits will open many, many doors.

Seriously. I got through high school, but not college. I work now, two jobs, one I just got a 20% raise in and a lot more responsibility. I'm being groomed as the overall manager. I'm a couple years older than you.

Being into guns is like being gay, from what I hear. Most people just consider it plain wrong, and won't listen to logic. You won't change their mind, just like they won't change yours. So just don't talk about it except it very appropriate situations.

Dude. Seriously. My advice: Get a job, it doesn't matter what. I've known you for a few years, you're very verbal. Sell stuff. If you show up on time, don't complain, do what your told, don't argue, you will get noticed. Quick. Save some money and move to a city. Fall into the cracks and figure out what you want to do.

I've been considered a nut, and at the time I was. Maybe you're not. If you are, you're a benign one.

I'm pming you my number. call me if you want to talk about this stuff. I went through it.

[Perd Hapley]

Have we checked the Wombat to make sure he's NOT a sociopath?   

[Winston Smith]

He seemed like a nice boy when we had coffee together.