Dear Job Applicant,
When applying for a position at a university museum, certain things will ensure you are not granted an interview. If you are unsure which things these may be, please refer to the following list:
-Writing your cover letter in all capitals.
-Writing your cover letter in all lower-case.
-Writing your cover letter in text-speak.
-Not writing a cover letter when "Cover Letter Required" is clearly stated in the job application requirements.
-Misspelling the word "museum".
-Misspelling the word "university".
-Misspelling the word "spelling".
-Including the phrase "I was supposed to be a guard but all they wanted me to do was stand around and watch people."
-Including the phrase "I want to get a job for money to live on while I find another job." (Honest, yes. But very, very dumb.)
-Putting "I don't understand the question" in the Describe your personal strengths field.
-Leaving a 12 year gap in your early job history but going on to list 8 jobs you've had in the last five years.
-Applying from out of town and bluntly stating you are only willing to relocate for a management position. (The position is for a security guard.)
-Saying you're only available 20 hours a week for a full time position, but asking if you get benefits anyway.
-Filling every field in the application with "N/A".
...and...
-Claiming to still be employed with a particular company when it's well-known that you were terminated for embezzlement. (A week of news stories about your indictment are kinda hard to miss.)
I expect a fair number of idiots when we post a position. This time, however, seemed to draw a group of particularly talented entries.
Brad