Disrespecting Age

[Gewehr98]

I find this funny:

it's much easier to explain a fistfight at 17 then at 45.

It's probably a lot easier to justify a fistfight at 17 than at 45, too.  Maturity does wonders in that respect.  

I've seen kids like Winston. My 22 year-old anarchist/skate punk (this week) stepson finally stopped complaining that the world owes him a living.  How did I do it?  I took him to Arlington and we walked around the grave markers.  He learned a different kind of respect that day.  

I will not be yelled at, period.

Discipline in the house was rather lax, I take it?

[The Rabbi]

I try to treat all people I meet politely, but I'll reserve my additional consideration for those who have earned it.  Being a member of the clergy does not automatically  put them in the "earned it" category.  Don't take this as anti-clergy, just that I've known my share and more of clergy and they are made of the typical spectrum of good, average, and awful people.  I see no reason to give a bad member of the clergy more consideration than anyone else.

We probably dont disagree at all.  What I mean is not that clergy get an automatic pass to behave like animals--no one does.  But if I see one on the street and we have an initial casual encounter I am more disposed to be nice to them than someone else.  But I would give them a bit more slack than the average Joe.

[Winston Smith]

Discipline in the house was rather lax, I take it?

I dunno, discipline didn't seem to be lax to me.

Parent's job = making kids self sufficient by simulating real life consequences. In this world, beating is no longer a real life consequence, and fear is a shorter term solution than discipline.

But nice try at a good old ad hominem, you got there.

So let me get this straight: I was supposed to let someone yell and berate me in the street just because they are older?

You're right, I could have said "Thanks maam," of course, leaving her with an impression that the action she just took was acceptable. Which I wasn't willing to do.

Edit: Are human beings by default deserving of consideration and politeness? If so, then she had no right to come up and yell and harass. If not, then I guess I'll start stealing and cheating.

[Winston Smith]

Hi, I'm Gary and I'm an old fart.
Winston: I am so sick of hearing "skateboarding is not a crime". In a lot of cases, it is just that.  Ever heard of trespassing? How about vandalism?  Next joker who tries to use my fence as a half-pipe (whatever) will be walking home, carrying a pile of splinters and dis-attached wheels.
Not saying this is you, just don't expect me to believe all skateboarders are as saintly.

Yeah. But skateboarding is not a crime. trespassing and vandalism are.

Gun ownership is not a crime. But murder and robbery are.

Guess we better limit the use of something because some people use it badly!

You're perfectly within your right to do what you will to those who would harm you property. Nobody is saying skateboarders are sainlty.

I'm saying tha the act of skateboarding is not a crime... yet.

[The Rabbi]

You're right, I could have said "Thanks maam," of course, leaving her with an impression that the action she just took was acceptable. Which I wasn't willing to do.

Why not?
What "lesson" were you going to teach this woman?
What impression of you do you think she came away with?
Do you honestly think she said afterwards, "that young man was certainly right in exercising his right to skateboard on the street.  I ought to be ashamed of myself"?
Or do you think she went away thinking you were a rude know-it-all jerk, just like most youngsters nowadays?  I realize her opinion of you is probably not too relevant to you.
If you had said, "yes, ma'am, sorry about that" and then done whatever you wanted once she left, how would that have hurt anyone?  She would have been happy and you would still get to do what you wanted.  Sounds like a better solution to me.

[cordex]

Rabbi,
We might agree more than I thought initially.  Setting up special classes of people who can do no wrong (or get that free pass when they do wrong) just gives me an uncomfortableness but I may have misunderstood what you were saying.


Winston,

You're right, I could have said "Thanks maam," of course, leaving her with an impression that the action she just took was acceptable. Which I wasn't willing to do.

Winston,
I think you have the same attitude as the elderly lady did.  She saw you doing something that was offensive to her (whatever her reason) and thought something like: "Well, I could walk by and just smile at this young man, but he's doing something wrong and if I treat him well he would think his actions are acceptable.  That's not something I'm willing to do."

She wasn't your mother (or grandmother) and you aren't hers.  You didn't need to teach her a lesson, and I doubt you did teach her anything anyhow.  In fact, she went into the confrontation thinking "Skateboarders are punks" and you proved (to her) that her prejudice was correct.  Now next time she sees someone with a skateboard she'll think of you.  Do you figure she'll think twice about berating them now that she knows what meatwads all skateboarders are?

It doesn't hurt too much to suck it up and let someone say their piece, then smile and be polite.  Plus, it does a whole lot for your position to be the one who disarms a situation.

Just a thought.

[Guest]

Sm.

[Sindawe]

In my '40s now I see and understand things in a way that I never could have in my 20s.

You must be a first time soul.  Darn kids, takes 'em a lifetime to learn anything...

I will not be yelled at, period.

I concur wholeheartedly.  The only justification for yelling at someone is if they place themselves or other in immediate physical danger, or wake one up needlessly.  And the latter only because society frowns on shooting the wakers.    I don't yell at others with out good cause, nor do I tolerate it from others.  Those who must yell to get their point across are a) laughed at, and/or b) ignored.

[Guest]

What "lesson" were you going to teach this woman?

That she doesnt get to tell people what to do simply because she is old.

What impression of you do you think she came away with?

That today's kids dont respect their elders and that maybe she would be better off to keep her petty complaints to herself.

[The Rabbi]

That she doesnt get to tell people what to do simply because she is old.

Do you honestly think that was ever in the cards as a possible outcome?

[Guest]

That she doesnt get to tell people what to do simply because she is old.

Do you honestly think that was ever in the cards as a possible outcome?

No i dont, thats why there were two questions. One that says what you want her to learn and the other what she actually learned.