Author Topic: Asking someone out... (Read 8630 times)

TMM · « **on:** March 31, 2006, 01:28:30 PM »

Well. Here we have a highschooler who has never asked anyone out, wants to, and, because of his slightly shy-ish personality, is nervous as hell about it. (me)

Now, this girl is a senior, so I keep telling myself : if you really screw up, she's a senior, you won't even see her next year. basically, I can't lose. Nevertheless...

I also keep worrying about trivial things, like, "what's her personality like, what if she dosn't like "XYZ"?"...

So - any stories or insights looking at it from a different angle? what should I say? I was thinking about somthing along the lines of, "Hey, [introduce myself quickly] how'd you like to go out for a cup of coffee?"

Thanks for any help you have for a person inept of asking someone out like me...

~TMM

Perd Hapley · « **Reply #1 on:** March 31, 2006, 01:42:26 PM »

A little name dropping usually helps. Go ahead and tell her you know me. We're talking, right. Go ahead, should work like a charm.

TMM · « **Reply #2 on:** March 31, 2006, 02:28:21 PM »

"Go ahead and tell her you know me"
uh... what? she dosn't know me...

oh, and blackburn, yea, i'm not doing that...

~tmm

Declaration Day · « **Reply #3 on:** March 31, 2006, 02:45:33 PM »

Ok, you already know you have nothing to lose, that's a good start. Next you need some confidence; fake it if you have to, don't approach her looking nervous or shy. Be outgoing, and smile! First impression is everything.

Do you have any classes with her? Have you ever met her? You need to break the ice, and it will be easier if you are already in a situation where starting a conversation won't seem awkward or planned.

It wouldn't hurt to find out what interests her from somebody else. Hey, you never know, maybe you already have something in common. If so, it will make that first conversation much easier (and better).

The best advice I can give you- and I dated ALL kinds of women before I found my wife- is that if she thinks of herself as a commodity (I call this the "princess complex"), stay away. You and your time are as valuable as her and her time. Find a nice, down-to-earth girl who appreciates and values you as much as you value her.

Good luck, let us know how it works out.

Standing Wolf · « **Reply #4 on:** March 31, 2006, 04:05:55 PM »

If all else fails, ask her out on a study date at the local library.

When I was in high school, admittedly several thousand years ago, the public library was where everybody met in the evenings.

Winston Smith · « **Reply #5 on:** March 31, 2006, 04:10:38 PM »

"Hi, I'm TMM. Are you single? Would you like to go out with me sometime?"

Keep it simple, keep it honest. The worst she can do is reject you. The worst you can do is learn.

280plus · « **Reply #6 on:** March 31, 2006, 04:14:01 PM »

Just be yourself. Mom always said. "If it's meant to be it WILL be." If not, there's always "other fish in the sea". God, now I sound like my mother. shocked

Chris · « **Reply #7 on:** March 31, 2006, 04:51:38 PM »

Never are the words "Nothing ventured, nothing gained" truer than the affairs between the sexes. Talk to her. The worst that can happen is she says no. And trust me when I say that there are many things which will happen in your life that will make being rejected by a femle seem trivial by comparison. But also remember, women do like confidence, so fake it.

Guest · « **Reply #8 on:** March 31, 2006, 05:20:48 PM »

How about: "You're cute! How about a coffee?" Smile, dufus!

She's just a chick, don't take life so seriously, you'll never get out of it alive!

Fjolnirsson · « **Reply #9 on:** March 31, 2006, 05:24:15 PM »

Lots of good advice here. I'd say keep it simple and honest. Tell her you'd like to get to know her better.
Above all, ASK! If you ask, and she says no, you'll have risked nothing, and perhaps will have an embarassing moment or two. If you don't ask, you will have a lifetime to wonder what might have been.

Guest · « **Reply #10 on:** March 31, 2006, 05:25:57 PM »

Your entering adulthood, and you might as well get used to embarrasing yourself because it will become a familier sensation. Learn to enjoy it. Seriously the worste that could possibly happen is that she says "hell no", and in the grand scheme of thinks that isnt all that bad. Really, one of the most horrible experiences of your life is quite possibly going to come soon after you meet a girl that says "yes", so dont be too dissapointed if you get to put that off a little.

Felonious Monk/Fignozzle · « **Reply #11 on:** March 31, 2006, 05:27:14 PM »

TMM,
STOP looking at women like they are some amazing, superior, yummylicious, master race from Planet Amazon.

Pretend for just a moment that she has NOTHING between her legs or on her chest that you'd like to get lost in for a couple of decades or so.

You are a human. She is a human. You are both working hard to complete your education. Have you EVER just said "hey." to her on the way into class? Low key. Don't shoot for the "I'm going to ask you out because you KNOW that eventually I want to slather you in barbecue sauce and work you like a rack of ribs". Start with this:

hey. how's it going...?

Work your way up to "did you happen to get that bizarre question #15 on the homework assignment?"

Follow up in a week or so with "you ready for the test in underwater basketweaving this Friday? No? Me either. Wanna grab a burger and study for it some?"

Then, if that goes well, you can follow up with "I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand", or "have you ever played naked leap frog", or any of the other things you're REALLY thinking.

JAlexander · « **Reply #12 on:** March 31, 2006, 05:53:16 PM »

I was going to write something long and insightful, but I can't add much to what Fig said. Just remember, be pleasant, smile, and whatever you do, don't talk to her chest.

James

Winston Smith · « **Reply #13 on:** March 31, 2006, 05:56:55 PM »

Quote

Really, one of the most horrible experiences of your life is quite possibly going to come soon after you meet a girl that says "yes", so dont be too dissapointed if you get to put that off a little.

Hhahhahahhhahha.... yeaaaah

Antibubba · « **Reply #14 on:** March 31, 2006, 06:01:50 PM »

TMM, if it works, tell us what you did.

See, there's this woman at work...

Justin · « **Reply #15 on:** March 31, 2006, 06:08:37 PM »

Be relaxed.

Girls like a guy who is self-confident and having a good time. (Gads, I've learned this from personal experience.)

If you have a hard time being confident, think about something you're really good at beforehand.

Last of all, take it all with a grain of salt. No big deal either way.

esheato · « **Reply #16 on:** March 31, 2006, 07:02:26 PM »

Naked leap frog? Barbecue sauce? Hmm..that's what I was thinking.

Just be yourself.

Ed

Perd Hapley · « **Reply #17 on:** March 31, 2006, 07:22:48 PM »

Quote from: TMM

"Go ahead and tell her you know me"
uh... what? she dosn't know me...

oh, and blackburn, yea, i'm not doing that...

~tmm

Dude! I'm just sayin'! Celebrity endorsements always work! Tell her that fistful is a close personal friend. By the time you have to confess you don't really hang out with me, she will like you enough that she won't care.

Phantom Warrior · « **Reply #18 on:** March 31, 2006, 09:06:13 PM »

I am literally the last person on Earth you should ask for dating advice. But I am rooting for you.

(P.S. WV Slim, excellent movie reference.)

Stand_watie · « **Reply #19 on:** March 31, 2006, 10:03:28 PM »

Young fellow, it's too bad you don't live in Texas, there are some really sweet girls your age in my church. No i'm not a pervert, just saying that these nice and attractive girls are just waiting to be asked out.

Smile!!!!!! I guarantee you that will go a long way with any girl worthy of your time

280plus · « **Reply #20 on:** April 01, 2006, 01:41:35 AM »

Hah, when I was working my way through college I was about 32 yo in my senior year and had been sitting behind this really cute one ~10 years my junior. We had hit it off pretty good for the semester and were pretty much pals so near the end I asked her out. Se busted out laughing. That was pretty much her entire reply to the question. I survived. shocked

Good luck!

Iain · « **Reply #21 on:** April 01, 2006, 02:00:25 AM »

Quote from: 280plus

Hah, when I was working my way through college I was about 32 yo in my senior year and had been sitting behind this really cute one ~10 years my junior. We had hit it off pretty good for the semester and were pretty much pals so near the end I asked her out. Se busted out laughing. That was pretty much her entire reply to the question. I survived.

Ouch.

To sort of derail this thread, but as an interesting (hopefully) sidenote on British/American attitudes to 'dating' - do Americans mean something different by going out for dinner? I met a really nice girl in Oxford a while back and when we were talking she mentioned that she'd never been on a 'proper' date, had boyfriends but never a date. So I asked her out to dinner and she agreed, but during the intervening week she rang me and said she couldn't make it.

Didn't worry about it until I was talking to the friend I had met her through. She said that this girl had discussed the 'date' with her American friends who had apparently told her that British people mean something quite different when they ask you out to dinner and that I probably had 'expectations'. Now with the exception of Bill Clinton, Rhodes Scholars are usually a bit out of my league, and I had no expectations other than a nice evening with a bright girl. Apparently had I asked her out for coffee it would have been fine.

I'm sure there is a bad sitcom to made out of this 'divided by a common language' business.

Declaration Day · « **Reply #22 on:** April 01, 2006, 02:25:24 AM »

Quote from: Iain

do Americans mean something different by going out for dinner? I met a really nice girl in Oxford a while back

As long as "going out for dinner" in England means going to a restaurant and having a meal sometime in the evening, then no, it doesn't mean anything different here.

Sure there are guys who have "expectations" here, but I am sure there are some like that in England, too. I think your friend caught wind of a silly rumor. While we're at it, do all British people have fat heads and bad teeth? (just kidding).

280plus · « **Reply #23 on:** April 01, 2006, 02:57:15 AM »

It's alright, I got me an even better one now! I learned to avoid those young 'uns...

Cheesy

BillBlank · « **Reply #24 on:** April 01, 2006, 03:03:10 AM »

Bad teeth and fat heads are in similar proportions to the U.S population. We're still a touch behind in the fat arse stakes

.

As for talking to girls on ones teenage years, you could always try the rasputin carpet bombing approach. law of averages suggests that some success would result. If not then actually talking to her like a human being will be the better path. Beware the friend trap. Smile, don't be creepy, if you want a relationship with this female and not just horizontal athletics then you're interested in who she is. Show that off, use the bigger of your two heads when talking to her. Compliment her on her hair, clothes and eye colour. Don't go over the top with the flattery but most females seem to appreciate you noticing that stuff. Makes it obvious you're not just staring at the interesting bits.

Last thing, to echo all the other gentlemen here, never trying is a sight more painfull in the long run than the temporary ouch of being blown off. Even in the worst case scenario of her laughing in your face and attempting to publicly humiliate you, you will come out ahead. After all if she does that then no matter how great the exterior the interior was not worth worrying about. You also have the excellent counter to such behaviour of giving a wry smile and pointing out to others that all you did was ask for coffee etc. If she wants to react like a 12 year old then thats her problem. Maintenance of dignity combined with an elegant screw you factor.

Now act like you've got a pair and get in there son, unless you're a dribbling oaf in the real world you stand to lose very little and practice makes perfect after all...

Edited to add: 280, always the way. Get blown out by one and then another, better model, comes along from another direction entirely. The lady acquaintence I was with prior to my wife was a train wreck in waiting. Fate has a sense of humour yes?

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Author Topic: Asking someone out... (Read 8630 times)

Chris

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Felonious Monk/Fignozzle