Asking someone out...

[280plus]

After all if she does that then no matter how great the exterior the interior was not worth worrying about.

Exactly!

Fate has a sense of humour yes?

I believe that's true

[Moondoggie]

I had all kinds of problems with this stuff in HS...small town, I was the "new kid".  Everybody knew everything about everybody.  52 folks in my class.  The girls I was interested in were totally unattainable for an average guy like me.  I suffered terribly, but I survived.

Good advice above.  I know it seems mega-important, but it's not really a "fate of the galaxy" situation.  Some you win, some you lose, and some get rained-out!

The only useful thing I can add is that you make sure to consider the asking from a tactical standpoint.  Make sure that you find a time/place to ask her out one-on-one...nothing worse than the dynamics of a crowd of HS kids for a sensitive situation.

[zahc]

It's probably already too late. The time to ask a girl out is within ten seconds of first making eye contact. Fidgeting around about it and asking on message boards and stressing over it is a good way to both make yourself seem desperate/nonconfident to the girl and set yourself for greater dissappointment, and waste time.

[Ben]

Fate has a sense of humour yes?

Most certainly. Though sometimes it takes a while before you get the joke.

[El Tejon]

Just remember the more you act like it does not matter to you the more likely she is to go out with you.

[...has left the building.]

Be relaxed.

Girls like a guy who is self-confident and having a good time.  (Gads, I've learned this from personal experience.)

If you have a hard time being confident, think about something you're really good at beforehand.

Last of all, take it all with a grain of salt.  No big deal either way.

Justin = Pimp. The key point here is SELF-CONFIDENT and HAVING A GOOD TIME. Those two details will see you through nearly any social situation from asking your first girl out to making your first business deal to making a big presentation in the board room. If she says no, don't get too worked up about it, it really isn't a big deal. You're almost out of high school and in that arena, everyone hears that you've been rejected. After high school, nobody cares if you crash and burn asking a girl out so get that self-embarassment out of your system NOW. Just remember, "having a good time" and "self-confident". Just in the past year or so I've been asked out by four women. Of course I turned them down due to being married, but I did end up going to lunch will all of them and now they are all friends of mine. I wasn't doing anything to indicate that I was single or wanted to hook up other than me having a good time and being self-confident.

[Matthew Carberry]

Be excellent.

Be desireless.

Be gone.


If that doesn't work I just wait for the ether to kick in.

[grampster]

TMM,

First thing you need to know is that women are just as shy as you are.  Most of the women that I was most intimidated by, later in life when we were laughing about those days, said that they wished that I'd just walked up and said hi and asked them out.

Try something like,  "Hi, I'm TMM and I just keep noticing you and I find myslelf wanting to get know you."  I kinda like (fill in any number of interests) and wonder if you'd like to go along to (fill in blank) sometime?

Do you have mutual friends that might introduce you?

[Stickjockey]

I'd say, get rid of the "give a ****" and replace it with "care" and you'd be pretty close with Blackburn's idea. You'd also be wise to be really careful with Fistful's handle. "Hey, do you know my buddy Fistful?" could get you slapped, depending on how she takes it.

[TMM]

Thanks for the help so far guys.

firstly, i should have said that i'm a sophomore and she's a senior, so when she's out of here i'm not.

zahc: thanks for the morale booster. Hah. actually, i haven't even spoken to her yet, so, your comment dosn't really apply.

speaking of talking to her, i can't really do what some of you said, to talk to her, get to know her a bit - she's not in one of my classes and we barely ever pass in the halls... so it's really a case of "*expletive deleted*it or get off the pot"...

~tmm

[Strings]

The bigest thing (as has been said) is be confidant. Confidance ALWAYS wins out!

 She's a senior, you're a sophomore, and you really have absolutely no interaction... might want to set targeting somewhere else. Say "hi" while passing in the halls, but don't do anything else. see what develops...

[TarpleyG]

Let me lay it out for you.  Lex and Terry (syndicated radio show for those that don't know them) often suggest playing the "He who cares the least" game.  Just act like you don't really care if she likes you or not.  No need to be rude or overly aloof, just strike up a conversation and leave with her guessing about you.  After a couple of days, speak to her again...same drill.  Next time, suggest, (don't ask ), that the two of you go do something--not a nighttime date though--coffee, lunch, study at the library, etc.  Keep up this until you feel the time is right and believe me, if it's meant to be, you'll be getting more signs from her than you'll know what to do with.

Repeat after me:  "I don't care if she wants to go out with me or not."

Greg

[bermbuster]

.....
Smile!!!!!! I guarantee you that will go a long way with any girl worthy of your time

Absolutely.  Females (the ones who are emotionally well-balanced or close to it anyway) like to see men smile.  Heck, we all like to see other people smile.  Doesn't have to be a big, toothy grin just a pleasant look on your face.  I always like being around people who can make me laugh, especially men.  (Yes, I am female.)

A male friend of mine taught himself simple magic tricks.  He said it was GREAT for attracting girls and striking up conversations.  Just a thought.

[Ex-MA Hole]

God, I miss those days...

Good luck, TMM.  Sounds like you are opening the door to the never ending path known as Women.  WARNING:  They are addictive.  And fun.  AND HUMAN.  Treat them that way.  You'd be surprised how many guys don't.

You're going to have a long and fun bunch of years coming up!

Try this:

"Hi.  Want to get a cup of coffee sometime?".  VERY IMPORTANT- when you say this simple phrase, LOOK HER IN THE EYE THE ENTIRE TIME.  And, as others have said, smile.  That's equally as important.  The eye/ smile thing makes you come accross confident and respectful.  

If she says "Yes", bonus.
If she says "No", her loss.

Also, remember rule #1:  NEVER kiss and tell.  EVER.  This goes back to the above points- Treat women as the humans they are and respect them.  Word will get around that you are a gentleman, the rest will take care of itself.

M

[Jamisjockey]

If she's hot to trot for you and you know it, then make it clearly a date.  If you're not sure, ask her something simple like 'want to get a coffee with me (time/day)' or 'want to grab lunch/dinner with me (time/date)'.  Skip the movies until you're dating, as you don't get to know someone at a movie.

[DrAmazon]

TMM,
STOP looking at women like they are some amazing, superior, yummylicious, master race from Planet Amazon.

Yes, because not all of us are.  Just the tall, gun nutty ones are from Planet Amazon.  And we ARE amazing and superior.

[Perd Hapley]

Dr. Amazon, to paraphrase, "Your claim is worthless without pics."  

Stickjockey, if I smell what you're steppin' in, that is a meaning to my moniker I had never considered.  I thought I'd be OK with a name from a Clint Eastwood movie.

[p35]

Not much I can add, but a little:
Some guys in your position obsess about avoiding getting rejected. The reality is, that's gonna happen sometimes. Maybe (hopefully) not with this girl, but not everyone you're interested in has the same interest in you. True for everyone in this world.  You have to be ready to shrug it off and move on to the next one. Just remember that it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, just that things didn't match up right at that particular time.

Also, any attractive girl learns pretty young how to handle guys hitting on her. If she has any class at all, she knows how to say "thanks, but no thanks" nicely. If she's rude about it, she's saved you a lot of future heartache right at the outset.

[Antibubba]

I can hardly remember any of the women who turned me down.  The women I never approached are with me to my dying day.  Find a way to ask her.

[CatsDieNow]

Flattery will get you everywhere.  Most of you guys don't do it right, though.  You are supposed tell a pretty woman that she is intellegent because everyone tells her how attractive she is.  Smart women want to hear that they are good-looking, articulate, funny, etc...you fill in the blank here.  Compliment her on what she is insecure about.  The catch here is that you have to be sincere in your flattery - we know when you are lying.  

Then a simple invitation to, say, Starbucks in a B&N or something.

Oh, and Justin is such a pimp.

[...has left the building.]

Flattery will get you everywhere.  Most of you guys don't do it right, though.  You are supposed tell a pretty woman that she is intellegent because everyone tells her how attractive she is.  Smart women want to hear that they are good-looking, articulate, funny, etc...you fill in the blank here.  Compliment her on what she is insecure about.  The catch here is that you have to be sincere in your flattery - we know when you are lying.  

Then a simple invitation to, say, Starbucks in a B&N or something.

Oh, and Justin is such a pimp.

LOL! I just find it funny that CDN is actually giving advice to exploit a woman's insecurities. I've been doing that for years but I'm just surprised you would not only condone it, but recommend it! And all this time I thought I was just being a total bastard

[Guest]

You were.

Now I remember why I don't date.  

Well, part of the reason. The part that doesn't involve hating people.

[gunsmith]

no matter what you do, don't get drunk and vomit on her.
I did that once, I had gotten this girl into the  backstage at a Clash concert
and we were at a bar after the show and I threw up on her.
She said she didn't mind but she never answered the phone when I
tried calling her....I have not vomited on anyone since I gave up drinking!

Some how I have managed to have really nice intelligent women in
my life, believe me it isn't my looks or my smile, my grille needs 50 grand to fix it.

learn humor and  guitar, they will come to you.

[Stickjockey]

Stickjockey, if I smell what you're steppin' in, that is a meaning to my moniker I had never considered.  I thought I'd be OK with a name from a Clint Eastwood movie.

Note I didn't say don't use it; I just said be careful in the usage. With great power comes great responsibility.

I can hardly remember any of the women who turned me down.  The women I never approached are with me to my dying day.  Find a way to ask her.

TMM, truer words were never spoken. Get to it, lad!

[280plus]

don't get drunk and vomit on her.

Sage advice, I learned that the hard way too...