R.I.P. Scout26
January... which finds the Midwest gripped by unusually frigid weather, raising fears that the bitter cold could threaten the vast herd — estimated in the thousands — of Republican presidential hopefuls roaming around Iowa expressing a newly discovered passion for corn.
NovemberAs the month draws to a close, tensions in the Middle East run high amid rumors that the Obama administration, in what would be a major escalation of American presence, is considering staging a Black Friday sale in Syria. Fortunately these rumors prove to be false and the worst retail violence is confined within U.S. borders. But the world situation remains troubling...
In Garland, Tex., two armed men are gunned down by police after they open fire on a security guard outside an exhibit of Muhammad cartoons, highlighting the need for a national conversation on the problem of cartoonists drawing things that leave religious fanatics with no choice but to try to kill them.
In other gender news, the Treasury Department asks for input from the public on which woman will be depicted on the redesigned $10 bill. The immediate front-runners are Mary Ann, Ginger, Taylor Swift and the two sisters from “Frozen.”
In political news, the crowded field of Republican presidential hopefuls is joined by a person named “John Kasich,” who claims to have at one time been governor of Ohio, although nobody can verify this.
A huge military blimp breaks loose from its moorings and rampages across Pennsylvania, wreaking havoc and knocking out power for thousands before being lured back into captivity by a Hello Kitty blimp hastily borrowed from the Macy’s Thanksgiving parade and positioned in what a Pentagon source describes as “a provocative pose.”
... there is troubling news from Baltimore, where the death of an African American man in police custody touches off a conversation on race that lasts several days, resulting in more than 250 arrests and extensive property damage. The Rev. Al Sharpton rushes to the scene but is unable to prevent things from eventually calming down.
