New element discovered...
A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the
heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named
Governmentium. Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons,
75
deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic
mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be
detected, because it impedes every action with which it comes into
contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes a reaction to take four
days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years. It does not decay, but
instead under-goes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's
mass will actually increase over time since each reorganization will
cause
more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe
that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in
concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical
Morass." When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes
Administratium - an element which radiates just as much energy as
Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
