From the Telegraph, London (
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml;jsessionid=GWVTM4YB2E0XLQFIQMFCFFWAVCBQYIV0?xml=/news/2007/01/09/nbands09.xml ):
Harmony at last between the awful orchestrasBy Auslan Cramb, Scottish Correspondent
Last Updated: 2:29am GMT 09/01/2007
A deal to end an unfortunate spat between some of Britain's worst musicians has been brokered by The Daily Telegraph.
Following a period of arbitration, it has been agreed there is room for only one Really Terrible Orchestra.
Alexander McCall Smith and the Really Terrible Orchestra
Harriet Hjul, 6, blocks her ears as Alexander McCall Smith and the Really Terrible Orchestra strike upThe RTO, which chooses music to suit the notes that its members can play, was formed in 1995 and has been alarming audiences ever since.
Its mediocrity is a source of some pride to its founder Alexander McCall Smith, the best-selling author whose gentle Botswanan detective novels became a publishing sensation.
He was therefore perturbed to learn that a group of almost talent-free classical musicians from Cornwall were planning to set up their own RTO.
Mma Precious Ramotswe, the heroine of his No 1 Ladies' Detective Agency series, would chuckle at such quintessentially British eccentricity, but Mr McCall Smith is almost deadly serious about the issue.
The two groups have exchanged heated e-mails, which began when Dave Phippen, a choirmaster from Port Isaac, wrote to say that he had heard the RTO and had high hopes of achieving "a similarly mediocre standard".
Peter Stevenson, chairman and terrible clarinettist of the Edinburgh-based orchestra, responded: "You must think we came up the Clyde on a banana boat. We have from the outset protected our name with great care, and any unauthorised use will immediately lead to a court injunction."
Mr McCall Smith said yesterday: "People elsewhere can't just go around thinking that they can be as bad as we are. There is an issue of trade description here, and I am concerned that these people are probably quite good."
Enter The Daily Telegraph. After protracted negotiations lasting about 10 minutes, the group from north Cornwall came up with a compromise acceptable to both sides.
"I think we are going to call ourselves the Seriously Awful Symphonia," said Liz Rowe, a radiologist who decided to set up an orchestra after reading about Mr McCall Smith's lack of musical virtuosity.
"That way, we can tell people that we are members of the SAS, and we will not upset the RTO. I wanted to do something similar because it sounded like a lot of fun. But Mr McCall Smith need have no worries about our musical ability. We intend, like him, to be really bad."
Mr McCall Smith, a professor of medical law who cannot play C sharp on his contra-bassoon and has no intention of learning how to do so, founded the orchestra for musicians who were not good enough to play in groups.
"This is the only way most of us are going to get to perform in public," he said.
"It is a wonderful institution, and I have no doubt there are thousands of people in this country who are not very good at music who would like to be in this sort of group.
"We have an annual performance at the Edinburgh Festival and sell out every year, which proves there is an untapped demand for really bad orchestral music. We do insist the audience has a few glasses of wine before they listen to us."
Next year, and not by popular demand, the RTO plans to storm London for one night only.
