"I feel...dirty."
"I feel...raped."
"I feel...jazzed."
"I flew Pattiefingers Air and all I got was this 3oz tube of Astroglide."
"Who knew Ben Dover worked for TSA?"
"Two by two, hands of blue..."
"I never expected the first time I'd get felt up it would be by another man and in public."
"Cold hands! Cold hands!"
"Astroglide: in hand new Federal Trial-sized package."