Armed Polite Society

Main Forums => The Roundtable => Topic started by: Brad Johnson on November 20, 2007, 11:58:32 AM

Title: Some stupidity is undescribable.
Post by: Brad Johnson on November 20, 2007, 11:58:32 AM: My brother has a little country steakhouse in my home town. They are only open weekends. During the week no one is there and the place is in the middle of nowhere. As expected someone eventually tried to break in. They've seen pry marks on the door before. This time they caught the guy. My father happened to be driving by and saw a pickup behind the building that shouldn't have been there. Long story short it was a down-and-out loser sort from a town about 60 miles away. He was there to score some free hooch.

He drove there in a ratty old borked-out pickup that might be getting six or seven miles per gallon, not to mention a couple quarts of oil it probably burned or drooled out all over the road. At three bucks a gallon that's 25-30 bucks worth of fuel. One way.

When they finally got a straight story out of him turns out he had only intended to get a couple bottles of whiskey and a case or two of beer. According to Dad, that's probably all his truck would have held given all the other crap stack in, on, and over it. From what they found in his truck he wasn't even getting the good stuff, either. Just the generic cheapo well mixers and Natural Lite beer. The booze could be had retail for less than $10 a bottle and the beer would have been $18 a 30-pack.

Sad. They guy probably spent fifty or sixty bucks on fuel to steal less than he could've bought, with the same money, at the package store a mile from his own home. And he wouldn't have risked jail time in the process.

Brad
Title: Re: Some stupidity is undescribable.
Post by: Monkeyleg on November 20, 2007, 12:18:31 PM: Who ever said that criminals were smart?
Title: Re: Some stupidity is undescribable.
Post by: Paddy on November 20, 2007, 12:21:20 PM: He dint larn no rithmetic in skuul. But he prolly stole the gas, too.
Title: Re: Some stupidity is undescribable.
Post by: Phyphor on November 20, 2007, 12:33:51 PM: No doubt the gas was stolen, as Riley said.

And no, criminals tend not to be smart. Cunning, sometimes, but not smart.
Title: Re: Some stupidity is undescribable.
Post by: Balog on November 20, 2007, 01:12:51 PM: What'd your Dad do with the guy? Or is this an sss kinda deal?
Title: Re: Some stupidity is undescribable.
Post by: Bogie on November 20, 2007, 04:36:27 PM: Hey, I _like_ natty light...

Better than Busch any day...
Title: Re: Some stupidity is undescribable.
Post by: Phyphor on November 20, 2007, 04:58:11 PM: Natural lite better than Busch?

That's like saying cat crap is better than dog crap - I'd rather have neither!

Seriously, that guy was a moron. Hope he spends some time in the graybar motel.
Title: Re: Some stupidity is undescribable.
Post by: TF_FH on November 21, 2007, 06:56:46 AM: Quote from: Phyphor on November 20, 2007, 11:33:51 AM
No doubt the gas was stolen, as Riley said.

And no, criminals tend not to be smart. Cunning, sometimes, but not smart.

Exactly. The smart ones don't get caught!
Title: Re: Some stupidity is undescribable.
Post by: Brad Johnson on November 21, 2007, 08:43:38 AM: Quote from: Balog on November 20, 2007, 12:12:51 PM
What'd your Dad do with the guy? Or is this an sss kinda deal?

The guy just sat down and stayed put until my brother and the sheriff got there. I found out that my father didn't exercise very good judgement, just walking into the restaurant and hunting around in the dark after he saw they guy's truck parked outside. He should have stayed in the pickup and called the sheriff first. He lucked out that the guy was used to being picked up for petty stuff and was pretty nonchalant about the whole thing.

Brad
Title: Re: Some stupidity is undescribable.
Post by: jefnvk on November 21, 2007, 11:23:54 AM: Quote
And no, criminals tend not to be smart. Cunning, sometimes, but not smart

No, the ones that get caught tend not to be smart.

And any beer with light after it pretty much sucks....
Title: Re: Some stupidity is undescribable.
Post by: 280plus on November 21, 2007, 03:09:55 PM: That's ok, you may or may not have heard of the guys that recently stole a dump truck, smashed it through the doors at the local gun shop (Hoffman's) and made off with a buncha guns. The crappy ones too, not even the good ones. They got caught, for all their elaborate scheme they forgot one thing, gloves to hide their fingerprints.

http://www.courant.com/search/dispatcher.front?Query=hoffman%27s+guns&sortby=display_time+descending&subheader-search-button=Go&target=article
Title: Re: Some stupidity is undescribable.
Post by: Antibubba on November 21, 2007, 10:16:56 PM: It isn't just that they're not smart. They're also lazy--or maybe I should say "work-averse". This guy could have offered to pick up trash on someones lot for beer money, but that is too much like a job. He was willing to put in all this time, effort, and cost to avoid bending over to snatch an aluminum can. Have you ever noticed what great lengths some folks will go to to cheat the system, when for one tenth of the time and effort they could just do the frickin work like the rest of us? And that they get caught in these elaborate schemes because they were too lazy to cover this or that detail?
Title: Re: Some stupidity is undescribable.
Post by: jefnvk on November 22, 2007, 07:56:17 PM: If y'all wanna see undescribable stupidity, go look at your local Best Buy RIGHT NOW.
Title: Re: Some stupidity is undescribable.
Post by: Perd Hapley on November 22, 2007, 08:07:20 PM: So this thread isn't about me? That's a relief.
Title: Re: Some stupidity is undescribable.
Post by: Mabs2 on November 23, 2007, 04:32:01 AM: Hey you know who else is stupid? That fistful guy. Boy is he stupid. Indescribably so.
Title: Re: Some stupidity is undescribable.
Post by: Perd Hapley on November 23, 2007, 11:55:56 AM: Silly me. I just now appreciated the irony of Brad's misspelling in the thread title.
Title: Re: Some stupidity is undescribable.
Post by: El Tejon on November 23, 2007, 12:20:26 PM: Bah, I had a guy burgle a pharmacy and passed up a tube of pharma grade cocaine direct from Eli Lilly for Xanies and Paxies. The cocaine was worth dozens of times what the stupid pills were worth.
Title: Re: Some stupidity is undescribable.
Post by: Brad Johnson on November 26, 2007, 10:00:50 AM: Quote from: El Tejon on November 23, 2007, 11:20:26 AM
Bah, I had a guy burgle a pharmacy and passed up a tube of pharma grade cocaine direct from Eli Lilly for Xanies and Paxies. The cocaine was worth dozens of times what the stupid pills were worth.

If you had someone burgle a pharmacy, why didn't you tell him in advance to get the tube instead?

Brad
Title: Re: Some stupidity is undescribable.
Post by: El Tejon on November 26, 2007, 10:31:01 AM: Brad, someone took his funny pills today!
Title: Re: Some stupidity is undescribable.
Post by: Brad Johnson on November 27, 2007, 07:39:48 AM: Quote from: fistful on November 23, 2007, 10:55:56 AM
Silly me. I just now appreciated the irony of Brad's misspelling in the thread title.

Unfortunately it wasn't intentional. That little faux pas slipped in due to my "post haste."

But next time...

Brad
Title: Re: Some stupidity is undescribable.
Post by: Antibubba on November 27, 2007, 08:07:18 PM: Quote
Bah, I had a guy burgle a pharmacy and passed up a tube of pharma grade cocaine direct from Eli Lilly for Xanies and Paxies. The cocaine was worth dozens of times what the stupid pills were worth.

Don't be too hard on him--if it had been properly labled, perhaps with "Coke" or "Blow" he would have known what it contained. Just too darn many letters!
Title: Re: Some stupidity is undescribable.
Post by: Perd Hapley on November 27, 2007, 10:58:10 PM: Or, if it were labeled "Blow," he might have taken it as an instruction and scattered it all over the place.