Post by: Brad Johnson on October 27, 2007, 01:21:58 PM
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1) If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package because you're not picking anything up.
2) You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughters body, I will remove them by force.
3) I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys your age to wear their trausers so loosely that they appear to be falling off. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all your friends are idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue so I propose a compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants 10 sizes too big and I will not object. In return I will ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter by fastening your trousers to your waist with my electric nail gun.
4) I'm sure you've been told that sex without using a barrier method of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate - when it comes to sex I am the barrier and I will kill you.
5) You may feel that in order for us to get to know each other we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues. Please do not do this. The only information I need from you is what time my daughter will be home. And that had better be early
6) I have no doubt that you are a popular fellow with the other girls. That is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my daughter you will do so until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
7) If you are standing in my front hall waiting for my daughter to appear and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh or fidget. If you want to be on time you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on make-up, a process that takes longer then painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of standing there looking stupid, do something useful like changeing the oil in my car.
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: A) Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer then a wooden stool. B) Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. C) Places where there is holding hands or happiness. Hockey games are ok, old folks homes are better. 9) Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been, but on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where and with whom you are going, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
10) Be afraid. BE VERY AFRAID. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my agent orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean my guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit you car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and EARLY, then return to your car. There is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face in the window is mine.
Post by: 280plus on October 27, 2007, 01:36:18 PM
Post by: Balog on October 27, 2007, 04:23:10 PM
Post by: cassandra and sara's daddy on October 27, 2007, 04:53:31 PM
Post by: RevDisk on October 27, 2007, 06:00:51 PM
I had one dad of a lady I was dating tried to do the whole 'scare tactic' on me. Showed me his shiney new AR15 and everything. He didn't say anything too obvious, but insinuated he'd use it on me if I stepped out of line.
When I dropped the lady off, I gave him back the firing pin he didn't notice go missing when he left the room for a minute.
Post by: AmbulanceDriver on October 27, 2007, 07:20:59 PM
I decided I wasn't gonna intimidate.
I point at the revolver and ask, "Thirty-eight?" He says, "Yes."
"May I see it?" And he doesn't really know what to say... So he unholsters it and goes to hand it to me. Unfortunately, he's got the muzzle pointed right at my gut while handing it over. I gently push his hand sideways as I grab the muzzle end of the revolver, and again have that little mental argument. And again, nice loses....
I've got the gun's barrel in my hand, and do a little cowboy flip to end up with the butt of the gun in my hand, held normally. Hit the cylinder release, flick the cylinder open, look at the empty cylinder, flick my wrist to snap it closed. Do the little cowboy flip again to hand it to him butt first, holding it by the barrel again. "Nice," I say. He doesn't put it back on his hip, just takes the holster off his belt (clip-on holster), puts the gun back in it and starts walking back into the house without saying a word...
Talking the next day about it with my then girlfriend, she said that he'd been totally excited the day before about intimidating me with that little revolver. She tried to tell him that I was a gun nut, and that I wouldn't be intimidated. Apparently I completely burst his bubble......
Post by: Paddy on October 27, 2007, 07:23:34 PM
Post by: Jamisjockey on October 28, 2007, 03:20:24 AM
Nowadays if you intimidate your daughter's date with a firearm he'll probably report you and get you sent to jail.
Post by: wmenorr67 on October 28, 2007, 03:41:47 AM
Post by: LadySmith on October 28, 2007, 04:35:11 AM
Is your daughter incapable of saying no?
Sometimes the date doesn't listen. 
Now, raising a daughter to be prepared on what to do in that event would be a good thing.
Post by: 280plus on October 28, 2007, 04:47:42 AM
Post by: LadySmith on October 28, 2007, 05:23:04 AM
Post by: Perd Hapley on October 28, 2007, 05:24:21 AM
Post by: Jamisjockey on October 28, 2007, 05:46:40 AM
Like equiping her with a TASER?
Who needs a taser?
I'm thinking Krav Maga or MCMEF
Post by: grislyatoms on October 28, 2007, 06:59:13 AM
Took my daughter to a pediatrician 6-8 months ago. She is going to, um, "develop" early. Way early. It does run in my side of the family.
I am really not ready for this, but I am trying to become ready as fast as I can. I thought I'd have another 3-4 years to prepare. (I have this image of me seeing some guy checking out my daughter and me blowing a gasket.)
The ex asked the pediatrician "Isn't this WAY too early?" The pediatrician replied "Not anymore. We're seeing this quite often nowadays."
Quote
Well, I was thinking blowtorch and pliers, but that's a good start.
Wish me luck, and could someone stand by with some bail money? Please?
Post by: Moondoggie on October 28, 2007, 07:38:22 AM
Post by: 280plus on October 28, 2007, 07:46:10 AM
Quote
The ex asked the pediatrician "Isn't this WAY too early?" The pediatrician replied "Not anymore. We're seeing this quite often nowadays."
The prevailing theory is that it's the water... Post by: Warhorse on October 28, 2007, 12:09:29 PM
I have two daughters, both now married to good guys that I actually like. When the teenage girls were dating I had a habit of doing two things:
When the boy came in the first time, I was usually sitting nearby carefully putting a razor edge on my rather large knife that they couldn't help but notice was always on my hip. They would also receive a "meaningful look" while I was doing that.
I also have a habit of moving very quietly and would frequently just suddenly "be there" without anyone, including daughters, noticing me arrive. My daughters found this irritating but it definitely would spook the guys a bit, especially when they would have no good reason to expect me to show up.
One guy brought my daughter home far later than her curfew. The first time, he got a simple verbal warning not to do it again. He did do it again and I decided to have a little "talk" with him. All I did was talk but he never came back.
The girls, of course, knew at least some of my background and must have told their dates some of it. I never asked but all of their dates (with the one exception mentioned above) were extremely polite to me. Apparently I did something right.
Post by: RadioFreeSeaLab on October 28, 2007, 01:08:33 PM
Post by: Firethorn on October 28, 2007, 04:52:28 PM
When I dropped the lady off, I gave him back the firing pin he didn't notice go missing when he left the room for a minute.
I'd be careful with this... I, at least, have a spare firing pin.
Actually, for my AR I have two complete uppers. Each with it's own bolt.
Post by: Len Budney on October 28, 2007, 05:34:57 PM
#11. A deposit of $50 is required when picking up my daughter. Curfew is at 11:00 PM. Failure to return my daughter at/before curfew, and in good condition, will result in forfeiture of the deposit.
What a bargain! I'll take two.
--Len.
Post by: Len Budney on October 28, 2007, 05:38:03 PM
I've never understood the whole Dad threatening his daughters date thing. Did you raise a slut? Is your daughter incapable of saying no?
It's not about trusting the daughter. It's about trusting the boy. Any man who'd trust a boy with his daughter must have total amnesia.
--Len.
Post by: CAnnoneer on October 28, 2007, 07:54:41 PM
Once the girl is out the door, your control of the situation is gone. No matter what you do to the punk, you can't turn the clock back. You want to protect your daughter? It is very easy - no unchaperoned dating until 18. Don't send them to college at 16. Oh, but I am gonna talk tough and show them my gun collection. Like a teenager would remember when the opportunity presents itself... <barf>
How about actually meeting the guy and getting to know him as a person before you place your daughter in his hands? What a radical concept.
Post by: Perd Hapley on October 28, 2007, 08:02:47 PM
Post by: CAnnoneer on October 28, 2007, 08:12:39 PM
Post by: Perd Hapley on October 28, 2007, 08:15:35 PM
Truth is neutral. Its source is irrelevant.
It still scares me.
Post by: Bogie on October 28, 2007, 08:47:13 PM
Post by: SteveS on October 29, 2007, 03:21:00 AM
Truth is neutral. Its source is irrelevant.
It still scares me.
Dobson is 71. Maybe CAnnoneer is being groomed to take over Focus on the Family.
I was somewhat afraid of my girlfriend's dad. He was a big guy and his nose was crooked from getting it broken in a fight. He looked like a boxer from the 1940's. That being said, respect for my girlfriend is what made me behave, not fear.
As a father, I still get a chuckle out of these lists.
Post by: gunsmith on October 29, 2007, 03:57:46 AM
Quote
flick my wrist to snap it closed.
DON'T EVER DO THAT TO A REVOLVER...oops cap lock sorry...Thats called bogarting, and only done in the movies on guns that are not owned
by people who care about the well being of their revolvers.
That move will damage your revolver!
http://www.thehighroad.org/showthread.php?t=187402&highlight=hollywood
Post by: jefnvk on October 29, 2007, 04:59:01 AM
Quote
Hockey games are ok
Sweet. And whoever wrote this list, obviously doesn't know what you can get away with at a hockey game
Glad I don't have to deal with this, as college girls (usually) don't have daddy around anymore.
Post by: w turner on October 29, 2007, 05:47:42 AM
Doing this resulted in two things.
1- It made the dad a little uncomfortable when he realized I wasn't afraid to get within his arm's reach
2- Simple geometry. The closer I am, the more upward he has to look in order to look me in the eye.
Sometimes being my size comes in handy. As I am sure it will when my daughter starts dating as I plan to use the same tactics to make an impression on her dates.
W
Post by: Brad Johnson on October 29, 2007, 07:30:37 AM
Quote from: CAnnoneer
Blah, blah, me so scary. Once the girl is out the door, your control of the situation is gone.
I knew a guy who tried that tactic on a dad once. He showed up one morning walking with a pronounced limp. Stayed that way for a while, too.
Brad
Post by: AmbulanceDriver on October 29, 2007, 07:47:08 AM
AMBULANCE DRIVER!!!!!
Thats called bogarting, and only done in the movies on guns that are not owned
by people who care about the well being of their revolvers.
That move will damage your revolver!
http://www.thehighroad.org/showthread.php?t=187402&highlight=hollywood
Quote
flick my wrist to snap it closed.
DON'T EVER DO THAT TO A REVOLVER...oops cap lock sorry...Thats called bogarting, and only done in the movies on guns that are not owned
by people who care about the well being of their revolvers.
That move will damage your revolver!
http://www.thehighroad.org/showthread.php?t=187402&highlight=hollywood
Well yes... I know that *NOW*.... But back then I didn't know much about revolvers...
Post by: Finch on October 29, 2007, 08:32:10 AM
Who needs a taser?
I'm thinking Krav Maga or MCMEF
I'm thinking Krav Maga or MCMEF
Yeah, nothing like a palm smash to the nose to get rid of an unwanted sexual advance.
Post by: Phyphor on October 29, 2007, 12:09:31 PM
Years ago I was dating a girl, and her dad wasn't really all that happy that "his little girl" was dating. Well, one evening I went over there for dinner for them to get to know me a little better. And by gum, he was gonna make sure that I was properly "intimidated". So when I came over for dinner, he greeted me at the door with a revolver on his hip. Just after I said "hi" I went into that mental conversation with myself. "Do I play nice, or do I let him know that I ain't gonna intimidate?"
I decided I wasn't gonna intimidate.
I point at the revolver and ask, "Thirty-eight?" He says, "Yes."
"May I see it?" And he doesn't really know what to say... So he unholsters it and goes to hand it to me. Unfortunately, he's got the muzzle pointed right at my gut while handing it over. I gently push his hand sideways as I grab the muzzle end of the revolver, and again have that little mental argument. And again, nice loses....
I've got the gun's barrel in my hand, and do a little cowboy flip to end up with the butt of the gun in my hand, held normally. Hit the cylinder release, flick the cylinder open, look at the empty cylinder, flick my wrist to snap it closed. Do the little cowboy flip again to hand it to him butt first, holding it by the barrel again. "Nice," I say. He doesn't put it back on his hip, just takes the holster off his belt (clip-on holster), puts the gun back in it and starts walking back into the house without saying a word...
Talking the next day about it with my then girlfriend, she said that he'd been totally excited the day before about intimidating me with that little revolver. She tried to tell him that I was a gun nut, and that I wouldn't be intimidated. Apparently I completely burst his bubble......
I decided I wasn't gonna intimidate.
I point at the revolver and ask, "Thirty-eight?" He says, "Yes."
"May I see it?" And he doesn't really know what to say... So he unholsters it and goes to hand it to me. Unfortunately, he's got the muzzle pointed right at my gut while handing it over. I gently push his hand sideways as I grab the muzzle end of the revolver, and again have that little mental argument. And again, nice loses....
I've got the gun's barrel in my hand, and do a little cowboy flip to end up with the butt of the gun in my hand, held normally. Hit the cylinder release, flick the cylinder open, look at the empty cylinder, flick my wrist to snap it closed. Do the little cowboy flip again to hand it to him butt first, holding it by the barrel again. "Nice," I say. He doesn't put it back on his hip, just takes the holster off his belt (clip-on holster), puts the gun back in it and starts walking back into the house without saying a word...
Talking the next day about it with my then girlfriend, she said that he'd been totally excited the day before about intimidating me with that little revolver. She tried to tell him that I was a gun nut, and that I wouldn't be intimidated. Apparently I completely burst his bubble......
I'm surprised he didn't shoot you for flicking it closed like that.
(bent crane, anyone?)
Post by: RevDisk on October 29, 2007, 03:20:42 PM
When I dropped the lady off, I gave him back the firing pin he didn't notice go missing when he left the room for a minute.
I'd be careful with this... I, at least, have a spare firing pin.
Actually, for my AR I have two complete uppers. Each with it's own bolt.
I discreetly and very indirectly asked. If he was tracking fully, he would have known. He admitted so afterwards. He thought it was kinda amusing and was rather upset when the young lady and I parted ways.
Post by: Brian Williams on October 29, 2007, 04:05:35 PM
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Post by: Balog on October 29, 2007, 04:07:01 PM
A better response would be raising a daughter with the emotional stability to say no and the skill set to hurt anyone who didn't understand what it means.
Post by: cassandra and sara's daddy on October 29, 2007, 04:39:30 PM
Post by: Strings on October 29, 2007, 10:15:50 PM
If I ever have kids (ain't THAT a scary concept?), any girls will be taught how to deal with someone who won't take "no" for an answer. That can include calling her extended family for assistance if necessary...
Post by: RevDisk on October 30, 2007, 12:19:27 AM
If I ever have kids (ain't THAT a scary concept?), any girls will be taught how to deal with someone who won't take "no" for an answer. That can include calling her extended family for assistance if necessary...
If I ever breed (one of the signs of End Times no doubt), she'll be trained at calling in close air support. Besides being able to call 'extended family', of course.
Quote
As has been said, you lose control when they're out the door.
A better response would be raising a daughter with the emotional stability to say no and the skill set to hurt anyone who didn't understand what it means.
A better response would be raising a daughter with the emotional stability to say no and the skill set to hurt anyone who didn't understand what it means.
Very true words. Then again, you have the folks that Lawdog writes about...
http://thelawdogfiles.blogspot.com/2007/05/tactical-advice.html
Post by: cassandra and sara's daddy on October 30, 2007, 01:24:28 AM
Post by: Ezekiel on October 30, 2007, 04:22:20 AM
Seriously, the guy is just a guy. But the idea that daughters are some little innocents is bunk. Believing the father has it in for you just makes 2nd base in your driveway more tantalizing, especially if easy access is provided. Not trying to be an ass, but the happy little nun front is COMPLETELY that. Sixteen-year-old girls are far more dangerous than sixteen-year-old boys...
And they are just as "hormonal."
Post by: French G. on October 30, 2007, 11:53:31 AM
I'll be nice to the fellow once he gets to the house. Course once he hits the property line he has 1/2 mile of driveway and a 300ft hill to go. My long range rifle shooting area is planned to overfly said driveway. I love ringing steel with a rifle.
Just a little target practice with a nice tan grass colored rifle with him left to look at 50 acres of grass and wonder evert time he drives in. Seriously though, my town is so small I'll know the whole date before they get home. I knew someone robbed the bank three miles away while it was happening. Sheriff looked at the surveillance vid and pretty much called the dumbass robber's mother. Small town intel.
Post by: Strings on October 30, 2007, 11:59:51 AM
It's nice to have friends
But, as has been said: if you haven't raised your daughter right, things ARE gonna happen. Yes, the "intimidate the boy" can keep him from trying anything, but NOTHING you do or say to the boy (short of summary castration) is gonna keep him from doing things if "daddy's lil' angel" decides she wants him to...
Post by: jeepmor on October 30, 2007, 12:54:29 PM
"The girls make the rules, if the gates of hell don't open, no one gets pregnant." paraphrased from my junior year Civics teacher, Romano Romani, a man who grew up in Chicago during the Capone era.
I strongly beleive every teenage boy should have to babysit a "why, why, why" toddler for a weekend, talk about effective birth control. Kept my wife from getting pregnant a solid five years longer than I anticipated.
No kidding.
Post by: cassandra and sara's daddy on October 30, 2007, 01:08:43 PM
Post by: Hawkmoon on October 31, 2007, 06:33:29 AM
I had one dad of a lady I was dating tried to do the whole 'scare tactic' on me. Showed me his shiney new AR15 and everything. He didn't say anything too obvious, but insinuated he'd use it on me if I stepped out of line.
When I dropped the lady off, I gave him back the firing pin he didn't notice go missing when he left the room for a minute.
Post by: 280plus on October 31, 2007, 03:40:18 PM
Post by: Perd Hapley on October 31, 2007, 04:59:36 PM
Our 16 yo daughter just went next door to see the new baby. She came back with horrific stories of cheese like substances oozing from the corner of it's mouth. I said, "Babies are gross, I stay away from them."
I guess that works for some girls. By 16, my sister had "sat" for quite a number of babies, so she wasn't going to be grossed out anymore. To her, babies meant getting paid to watch TV while the baby sleeps and the parents are out with friends.
Then again, she didn't sleep around, either, so maybe it works.
My wife spent the past couple of years potty-training two-year-olds for TEN HOURS a day.
She wants kids more than before.
Post by: roo_ster on October 31, 2007, 07:01:57 PM
I was able to buy a couple of years by getting my wife a puppy.
Post by: cassandra and sara's daddy on October 31, 2007, 07:17:24 PM