Military Holiday Party 'Etiquette' Tips
Sarah Smiley | December 10, 2007
Dear Sarah, Im nervous about the upcoming holiday party for my husbands unit. Is there anything I should know about etiquette before I go?
Presumably you have read Service Etiquette, because we, ahem, all have. If this is the case, disregard most of what you read. Nothing against Service Etiquette except that much like raising children, it is easier to read about it than to actually do it.
If this is your first military social event, you may have visions of women in white gloves passing out their calling cards to all the young wives. But really, have you seen any such women at the commissary? At the exchange/PX? These women only exist in fantasies (or nightmares) about military life. (Which isnt to say some scary things arent going to happen at the party, but well get to that in a minute.) The men and women youll meet at the holiday party will be the same men and women youve met at your husbands place, seen at the mall, or seen bowling with their children at the base alley. Dont assume that just because its an official event (aka forced fun, or a highly encouraged social outing ) that your husbands co-workers and their spouses will suddenly morph into Service Etiquette-beaters. The truth is that only some of them will. These are the people you will avoid.
The only real concern you should have at the holiday party is what to say, when, and to whom. For instance, the flight surgeon, or any other person associated with your spouses health care, for that matter, should not hear about those black spots your husband sees every time he looks up at the sky. Pilots especially are funny about their health. (And by funny I mean that they would rather you tell the flight surgeon about the stuffed bear named Pooh their mother still keeps on their bed at home than the twitch they sometimes get in their left eyelid.) As far as his co-workers at the party are concerned, your husband is the picture of health. He doesnt even snore, and he certainly doesnt sleepwalk. (Feel free to laugh about these things with the other wives in the bathroom, however.)
Another situation that may come up involves gifts and/or door prizes. The more rank your husband attains, the more hell insist that you not accept any door prizes. Just tell them to call another ticket, hell say. However, let me advise from personal experience that he does not mean for you to refuse any door prizes that are free tickets to a major football game. You are to refuse everything except those items that he personally covets.
You may also be concerned about what to call your spouses superiors. Do you call them Sir? Commander so-and-so? Will you look like a suck-up if you do? Will you look like a slacker if you dont? A general rule of thumb is to call them whatever you feel most comfortable calling them. Unless, of course, your husband will pay for said name at work on Monday. For instance, some communities call the commanding officers wife a COW (Get it? Commanding Officers Wife?), but I wouldnt use this term of endearment until it is abundantly clear that the commanding officers wife and her husband know about the tradition.
Alcohol could be an issue, too. Your goal is to not be the drunkest spouse at the party. People will always talk about the drunkest spouse. Dont let this be you. Also use caution if there will be music and dancing at the party: You never want to be the first or last spouse on the dance floor. If you heed my warning about alcohol, this shouldnt be a problem. If you feel compelled to dance, just make sure you arent the only one doing the Funky Chicken, the Macarena, or any other type of line dance.
Basically, when I think about how to advise you, I am reminded of my 11-month-old son. Lindell knows how to clap, and sometimes he can wave bye-bye and point. But when all else fails, he simply claps and smiles. That is his default trick. Always have a safe, default behavior, and let it not involve abundant alcohol, any funky dance, or stories about your husbands hemorrhoids.
