If You were an Evil Overlord... What would you do?

[Firethorn]

Yes, I know we have a strong libertarian presense on this board, but let's take it the opposite way for a day or thread...

The idea is that you've just become the absolute dictator of your country (unless you choose another).  Being an enlightened evil overlord, you don't want to do anything that harms your country, as that's your power base.  On the other hand, you have near total freedom on how you manipulate your country.

What would you do?

I, of course, have a complete manifesto, so I'll list just one line item, inspired by recent thread at slashdot and the NIMBY thread here.

Cheap power is one of the cores of a good economy, and pollution leads to sick workers who cost resources, IE they aren't contributing.  Therefore, to reduce pollution and ultimately cheapen power I'd engage on a massive nuclear power plant building spree.  My goal would be to start construction on 10 1 gigawatt plants a year of the 'best standard' design a year.  In addition to this, 1 'experimental'(breeder, IFR, pebble bed, etc) design will be started each year.  The necessary infrastructure to support the new plants will also be built, of course.  In exchange, any power plant coming on line in excess of new demand will go towards shutting down the most expensive/polluting plant still in operation.  When an 'experimental' reactor proves it's superiority, I'll switch to that design, and increase production to 15-20/year.

Still, it'll probably take 20-40 years to shut down all the coal plants.  It'll also be expensive, but the suppression of NIMBY and usage of cookie-cutter designs should reduce much of that.  Cheap power will also enable all sorts of cleaner production methods for various goods.

[charby]

I would refer to Office Space for wisdom

Peter Gibbons: What would you do if you had a million dollars?

Lawrence: I'll tell you what I'd do, man: two chicks at the same time, man.
 
Peter Gibbons: That's it? If you had a million dollars, you'd do two chicks at the same time?

Lawrence: Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I were a millionaire I could hook that up, too; 'cause chicks dig dudes with money.

Peter Gibbons: Well, not all chicks.

Lawrence: Well, the type of chicks that'd double up on a dude like me do.

Peter Gibbons: Good point.

Lawrence: Well, what about you now? what would you do?

Peter Gibbons: Besides two chicks at the same time?

Lawrence: Well, yeah.

Peter Gibbons: Nothing.

Lawrence: Nothing, huh?

Peter Gibbons: I would relax... I would sit on my ass all day... I would do nothing.

Lawrence: Well, you don't need a million dollars to do nothing, man. Take a look at my cousin: he's broke, don't do *expletive deleted*it.

[grislyatoms]

1. I will have an opinionated, advisory cabinet.
2. When I want the opinions of said cabinet, I will be sure to let them know what their opinions are.
3. Pelosi, Feinstein, Kennedy, Schumer, Boxer, O'Donnell, Moore, et al will be sent to re-education facilities.
4. Anne Coulter will be vice dictator and will oversee the re-education facilities.
5. I will appoint a representative body to regulate interstate squabbles. The military will be left as is, but under my sole authority, of course.
6. Any other lawmaking will be left to the individual state governments.

[HankB]

1. Politicians and professors with a record of denouncing the USA while at the same time praising other countries like Cuba, Vietnam, and Iran . . . would be sent to those places. One way.
2. My new Supreme Court would include Ann Coulter, Michael Savage, Sean Hannity, Suzanna Hupp, Wayne Lapierre, Clarence Thomas, and three others to be named later.
3. Illegal aliens (note the word, illegal) would be given 90 days to leave the country, after which they would be declared "nonpersons" and have no rights or protections - period.
4. All bureaucrats involved in eminent domain actions that result in handing private property over to other private owners would be spending the balance of the rest of their remaining lives in labor camps . . . as would the new "owners" of this shifty largesse.
5. A good part of the Federal government's alphabet agencies would be abolished. (I'm guessing at least one third in the first year, with another third to follow within the next couple of years.)
6. My foreign policy would have three pillars: Allies would know they can rely on us. Neutral parties will respect us. Those who chose to be enemies will fear us.

[Bigjake]

call in Arc-lite raids on berkley and hollywood, respectively.

[Bogie]

Can we dress Ann Coulter in black leather with thigh-high stilletto boots?
 
I'd go nuclear and windgen in a big way, and sell power to neighboring countries.

In 50 years, I'd buy Saudi Arabia for a nuclear waste dump.

[K Frame]

I'm evil overlord?

Order out for pizza and porn every night.

[Firethorn]

Can we dress Ann Coulter in black leather with thigh-high stilletto boots?

Why yes, you can certainly try.  I can't but help to think that it'd be dangerous for you though.

Part two of my manefesto:  With the electricity problem on it's way towards being solved, next up is our dependence upon foreign oil.

I use my labor pool* to start building a PRT system in the cities, as well as starting lines in between cities.  This should dramatically reduce the dependence upon cars.  A rental type system in the more suburban areas for short range electric golf cart type vehicles should reduce the need for gasoline engines even there.

*freed up from reforms such as HankB's, as well as the transformation of welfare into 'workfare'.

[El Tejon]

I would install my lackey, Mike Irwin, to run by Neighborhood Association.

I would allow him to shoot anyone displaying hillbillism (NASCAR, parking in street, working on car in driveway, sitting on porch, wearing shorts and t-shirts inside house while not exercising) on sight, torture all those who left garbage cans out (here I'm thinking cutting eyeballs and pouring gasoline in, but I'll leave the final decision up to Mike), and public beheadings or quarterings for holiday decorations and uncut lawns.

Other than my one million piece gun collection and having Tera Patrick, Asia Carrera and Lanny Barbie as my slaves, I really have no other plans at this time.

Note shooting trash is NOT harming the nation but improving it.

[CAnnoneer]

Unfortunately, forceful methods by which positive changes can be accomplished are often the ones that undermine those changes in the first place. So Evil Overlord doing good things will not work because he needs a clique of evil underlings which will ultimately limit and shape the policies themselves.

True progress can only be achieved by winning the cultural battle first. Then it would be straightforward to win political arguments and elections consistently and without resorting to a dictatorship. Otherwise, the methods will corrupt the result in the long run.

[mtnbkr]

I would allow him to shoot anyone displaying hillbillism (NASCAR, parking in street, working on car in driveway, sitting on porch, wearing shorts and t-shirts inside house while not exercising) on sight, torture all those who left garbage cans out (here I'm thinking cutting eyeballs and pouring gasoline in, but I'll leave the final decision up to Mike), and public beheadings or quarterings for holiday decorations and uncut lawns.

So you'd be tackling the illegal immigration problem at the same time, eh?

Chris

[SpookyPistolero]

Two words: Lava pit.

I've had the plans for my lava pit on my mind for the last decade or so. Someone treats me and other humans like dirt? Lava pit.

What's that, professor? Your tests are fair and balanced? Guess what- lava pit.

Aw, you couldn't help but rob that bank/rape that woman/kill your neighbor/touch Timmy innappropriately? Lava pit.

I think you get the idea.

[Ezekiel]

I would create the largest straw man argument on record to dupe my Congress and automatonic -- and wholly subserviant -- military into invading another country under pretense of homeland threat: when I really just desire their oil reserves and to avenge my father.

(Oh, wait...)

I would, also, cease to care when my approval ratings fall to <1/3 within my populus, being an Evil Overload and all...

(Oh, wait...)

And I'd kick out anyone whose ancestors/relatives didn't meet the Mayflower from the shore, yet are belligerent and self-righteous about "illegal" immigration and their own perceived right to be here.

Still, even in the best case, I agree with Cannoneer: benevolent dictatorships, while effecient, don't work in the long run. 

[mfree]

I would find it very difficult to actually be "evil"... I'd want to shove in all manner of legal changes and restructuring in the name of libertarianism.

Ok, ok... if I wanted to be "evil" overlord I suppose I'd light off a "benevolent" cult of personality, foster a massive military buildup, and slowly begin taking over the world, starting with Africa. Lots of space in Africa. Lots of resources too, lots of room for factories, secret bases... and equatorial land for space access. And I'm not talking genocidal efforts here either, somebody's got to run the place... lots of engineering schools, buying people off, and unfortunately quashing of dissidence. Cooperate and life is very, very good. Otherwise you're in hell.

And, of course, there'll be a complete and utter communication shutdown for the entire continent.

Timelines will be over one generation... best way to have an army of total sycophantism is to start training from birth. Lots and lots and lots of fission plants using nigerian uranium will get built to run the desalinization plants on the west and east coasts that'll pump water far inland and start reclaiming the desert regions. That'll also have a handy side effect of allowing for uranium enrichment for... ah, let's say "higher energy' projects.

When the time comes to "spread", it'll be initially by controlling the straits of Gibraltar, the Suez canal, the Red Sea, and the passage around the horn by naval and aerial means. If that's not enough then we'll destroy the oil pipelines around the black and caspian seas and force oil distribution by ship, which of course, we control. Oil supplies will be nearly pointless for us because by then we'll be running greatly on nuclear fission and geothermal energies tapped from under the Rift. But, everyone else wants it, so into the middle east we go, and we'll make sure that the locals understand that this is a dhimmitude in reverse... and undergo the same kind of societal turnover as in the beginning. We're on to the third generation by then, and I'm probably dying or dead so the whole thing will likely fall apart as most cults of personality go.... or it'll get worse; there'll be a Stalin to my Lenin. By then we should be able to pave the world over in glass several times over and have a 3:1 naval and air superiority with nuclear powered vessels in size down to destroyers and littoral ships, and hopefully extremely large nuclear air platforms, so anyone who wants a piece needs to deal.

Oh, did I mention the trans-equatorial nuclear railways? A nice 7-8 rail remote fission-electric powered, 200mph rail transport system around the globe? Of course it'll be transatlantic at first, and then spread east from the state of Somalia, with spurs heading north from the power plants... it's vulnerable militarily but it'll be one hell of a way to "unite the world" and extend a social hand while I hold the other with it's dagger behind my cloak of diplomacy. Spys and saboteurs, folks, probably one in every shipment. In *my* land in the mantime everyone's radio-coded with their DNA signature and we'll have developed near-instant sequencers in short order to ensure that those who say they are, are... and anyone not is executed on the spot.

And when global domination is complete, time to snag the moon.

You *did* say evil, right?

[Bogie]

Oh, and another thing...

You know all those unemployed CIA and KGB folks, now that the cold war's been over for a while?
 
I'd put them to work.

"Henchmen! I want to conquer this country, which is beset with ongoing internal strife and civil war, due to multiple centuries-old conflicts that people have mostly forgotten the causes for! Hop to it!"
 
"New leaders! Play nice, and you get your own sports cars and hookers! If you don't play nice, you get the Henchmen?"
 

[Boomhauer]

Alright, my situation is a single-handed takeover of the US.

First, we are going to gather up the politicians. And sell them as range targets. Figure $5000 to shoot a representative, $10,000 to shoot a senator. A few choice hated politicians I get to shoot myself

Next, we are going to institute mandatory gun ownership. Everyone armed at all times. I don't care with what, but something that goes bang and throws a projectile.

You can own anything. And I mean anything, provided you have the money.

All rappers will be shot.

All child molesters and rapists will be carved up like a Thanksgiving turkey.

A return to the constitution. Ruling the World is definitely in the cards.

Shooting all vegetarians might also be in the plans, too.

[BakerMikeRomeo]

The following:

http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html
http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/dungeon_a.html
http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/dungeon_b.html

~GnSx

[Firethorn]

I would find it very difficult to actually be "evil"... I'd want to shove in all manner of legal changes and restructuring in the name of libertarianism.

Mfree...  It sounds like you've put a lot of thought into this.

Sounds a lot like me.  Trying to decide between recruiting you and having you be one of the first sets up against the wall...   

no, actually being evil isn't required.

manifesto pt III:

All welfare programs, individual or corporate will be stopped.  The minimum wage is abolished.  The money freed up will be used to impliment a new program, called 'WorkFare'.  It's simple enough.  Out of a job, out of your house, don't want to starve?  Join Workfare!   Previous 'workfare' programs such as the BATFE will also be eliminated.

You'll be treated to the life of luxury of a army boot camp trainee of twenty years ago, minus the military skills part.  You will be trained in a needed skill(I do have some massive construction projects going on), then sent on to work a minimum of 40 hours a week.  In exchange, we will generously feed you to the same level we feed said military recruits.  You will be paid an hourly wage of quadruple the prison salary, and be seen by the cheapest doctors we can find. Of course, since fellow workers will be doing much of the cooking, it's in your best interests to find some decent cooks among your ranks.

Don't worry, you DO have room for advancement.  Do good work, learn a trade, and you can eventually get a dormatory room of your own!  Or get hired by a commercial enterprise because you're now worth something.

[Werewolf]

Pretty much what ever I wanted but since I'm not a very evil guy (I can't even play evil in Computer RPG's even though I try - it just makes me feel <shivers> weird) and I'd let folks do pretty much what ever they wanted as long as the roads were maintained, the military kept in good form, big business wasn't being too obvious about exploiting the masses and people weren't killing each other in the street I doubt if I'd exercise my power in any meaningful way.

In other words the motto of my regime would be live and let live. Violate that and you'll be saying hello to the creator or his arch nemesis soon there after be you an individual or a nation.

[mfree]

"Mfree...  It sounds like you've put a lot of thought into this."

The scariest part is that I was coming up with that on the fly. That's ~30 seconds of planning

[Lee]

I would grow a goatee and wear silky black robes.  The USS Lincoln and support ships would become my home on the roam.  My personal staff would be women of every age and type.  I would just 'show up' off the coast of nice places I'd want to visit...and perhaps have lunch.  Instead of shooting clays, I'd have the staff blow pirates, or boats that I don't like the look of, out of the water.  I'd tell Congress they would all be jailed if they disagreed with me or didn't send a cut of the pork to me on a regular basis.  Then, I'd jail them anyway every four years.
And when they sent James Bond to take me out- I'd make sure he was dead the first time.

[K Frame]

I would install my lackey, Mike Irwin, to run by Neighborhood Association.

Lackey?

Think again, 'tardocles.

[280plus]

I'd have the staff blow pirates, or boats that I don't like the look of, out of the water.

I'm sure glad you added the "out of the water" to the end of that! 

[LadySmith]

I think I would try to keep myself amused being an Evil Overlord....

1. Have televised contests to let the public decide which country gets voted off the planet.
2. Everyone who is on record as being anti-gun would be forbidden from owning one and from having any gun owners come to their aid. Their names and addresses would be published in newspapers.
3. Ownership of all government housing projects would be turned over to the people who live in them. Hopefully theyd fix them up. If not, theyd be burned to the ground at the end of a year.
4. Exploit my enemies weaknesses. Replace the guard dogs with huge trained boars at Gitmo. Democratic political enemies would be placed in solitary confinement with Rush Limbaugh piped in 24/7. Conservative enemies would be forced to attend daily sensitivity training classes.
5. All school principals would be nuns with a history of yardstick violence.
6. I would get ghetto with the hostile leaders of other nations. Yo, Ill Jong, I heard you been talking helluv sh*t. Check this out, punk. I got a couple of missiles headed your way right now and my sh*t works, beotch.
7. Id use emergency broadcast systems to randomly broadcast rap in rural/conservative areas and country music in urban/leftist areas just because Im evil. Suicide prevention hotlines would have the blues as hold music.
8. Make cannibalism a legitimate lifestyle choice in some of the more crowded maximum security prisons.
9. National Arbor Day would require the living or dead bodies of pedophiles, serial killers and rapists be put into each hole before the trees were planted. All animal testing would cease immediately with any further testing to be done on death row inmates. So would defensive ballistic tests.
10. Eliminate HOV and speed limits on the freeways. Random highway patrols would use heavy artillery to take out stupid drivers. New cars would be equipped with automatic rear-mounted RPG-type devices to eliminate tailgaters. Detroits economy will flourish again.

[280plus]

5. All school principals would be nuns with a history of yardstick violence.

OK, that's just a bit too scary.