Author Topic: Who to talk to about extremely personal matters? (Read 1923 times)

Monkeyleg · « **on:** December 28, 2006, 10:09:21 PM »

I've posted some pretty detailed matters about my personal life here on APS. Nothing I've posted isn't anything that I wouldn't talk about over coffee with pretty much anyone I know.

There's a personal issue, though, that is not the sort of thing to be discussed on an online forum.

Every six months, I see my "shrink" for about twenty minutes, tell him how crappy my life is, and then listen to his left-wing diatribe for the last three minutes.

I kid you not: he runs a stopwatch. Twenty minutes, and that's it. I could tell him that I'm going to do another Oswald, and he'd say that we can talk about that at our next meeting, six months from now.

I'm not particularly religious, so there's no priest or paster to talk to.

My father has been a great source of advice, but this is outside the realm of our usual conversations. In fact, it's outside the realm of anything we've ever talked about.

My absolute closest friend and confidant of some 41+ years told me recently that he's had sexual fantasies about my wife for decades.

Not exactly a source for unbiased advice. Sad

I need to talk to someone, but I don't know who.

Any suggestions are very much appreciated.

280plus · « **Reply #1 on:** December 29, 2006, 01:37:46 AM »

The only suggestion I have is find another therapist and then spend more time with him/her.

TarpleyG · « **Reply #2 on:** December 29, 2006, 02:52:06 AM »

Probably what 280plus said but when you say

Quote

I'm not particularly religious, so there's no priest or paster to talk to.

are you not religious at all or just a little? I am more of the latter. I don't go to church that often but I have my reasons for that. With that said, you can find a member of the clergy that will talk to you. Ask some of your friends if you are willing to let them know you are needing to talk to someone. Sometimes, listening to someone with a completely different view of life can allow you to see things in a way you have never even imagined. No need to go get "all religious and stuff" to do this.

Greg

Ex-MA Hole · « **Reply #3 on:** December 29, 2006, 03:17:30 AM »

I tend to keep it all inside.

Every once in a while I have a mental burp and post something here.

Usually I just stew on it.

Oh, and find another therapist, this one seems to be a waste.

Any THR/ APS people local to you that you are friendly with?

Chris · « **Reply #4 on:** December 29, 2006, 03:43:46 AM »

Hate to ask, but any reason it can't be your wife? I find mine to be very trustworthy. Another therapist may be in order. And, maybe a new friend.

Jamisjockey · « **Reply #5 on:** December 29, 2006, 04:19:20 AM »

If you know a priest/rabbi/religious leader, try 'em.....you might be surprised.

BrokenPaw · « **Reply #6 on:** December 29, 2006, 04:44:12 AM »

Monkeyleg,

If you don't have someone local that you feel comfortable talking to, you may feel free to contact me. I am co-minister of a small congregation in Virginia, and you would not be the first person from the Internet who I've spent time trying to help. It is the nature of my path that I shape the level of religious/spiritual content in the counseling to the personal comfort level of the person I'm helping. If you are not interested in a spiritually-based conversation about whatever it is you're facing, I may still be able to help.

Let me know.
-BP

Preacherman · « **Reply #7 on:** December 29, 2006, 04:55:08 AM »

You can always PM me if you would like to talk. Rich didn't label me "Chaplain" on TFL for nothing! grin

charby · « **Reply #8 on:** December 29, 2006, 05:01:58 AM »

monkeyleg

Good religious leaders are always good sounding boards, they have heard there fair share of everyone good and bad times.

-Charby

crt360 · « **Reply #9 on:** December 29, 2006, 05:20:19 AM »

I don't really talk to anyone about extremely personal matters. Maybe I don't have any extremely personal matters? I'm pretty open with most people about nearly anything that doesn't compromise attorney/client privilege or other confidential work related stuff. I'm no shrink, but in my profession I have found that some people are eager to share more with me than I sometimes want or need to know, from secret beefs with family members to detailed health problems, personal war stories and some things a little more unusual. If it helps them to talk to someone and they trust me enough to tell me, I'm alright with it. As long as they don't tell me they're going to kill someone or rob a bank. shocked

I'm not sure who to recommend. I think it depends a lot on the nature of the matter. Psychiatrist, doctor, lawyer, preacher - all are used to hearing peoples' problems, giving advice, and maintaining confidentiality.

Bogie · « **Reply #10 on:** December 29, 2006, 05:46:49 AM »

Monkster, you can always call me - I'm not particularly qualified, except for a stint bartending...

And I'd probably wanna do your wife too... You lucky dog...

But seriously, don't let that ruin a good friendship - hey, he was honest about the ol' envy...

As for the one hour/year of shrinkage - heck... That can't possibly be doing all that much...

mustanger98 · « **Reply #11 on:** December 29, 2006, 06:00:24 AM »

Monkeyleg, First off, I agree with the others who've already said you need to find another doc because, IMO, this one sounds like moneygrubber. Sounds to me like he's paying more attention to the stopwatch than he is to the patient. It also sounds like he's trying to convert his patients over to his own leftism and that's unprofessional. And like Bogie just said about the one hour a year can't be doing all that much. You'd get more time leaning on the gun shop counter or talking to the bartender at slack times.

Your father may have some experience or insight you don't know about. You won't know until you bring whatever it is up. But, if it's too personal for the parent/child relationship as we know it as adults, then I'll agree that it may not be comfortable.

Someone asked why it can't be your wife that you talk to... sounds reasonable. One reason I've understood men and women get married would be emotional support and sometimes one can see things the other can't.

Your friend who had sexual fantasies about your wife... I don't know, but he may have needed to talk to somebody about that out of guilt. If you and he have been friends/confidantes for 41+ years, he may have felt you were the one he could talk to, or had to talk to. I forgot where I read this, but psychologists have said if someone has dreams or fantasies about a friend's wife or an in-law or someone, the one in the dream or fantasy is a stand-in for somebody else. So that may be nothing to worry about, especially if you really trust your wife and she really is what she should be. But I can see why your not comfortable; goes back to a man wants to be the only one who wants to be with his wife. It could be envy, too, and you might also take the combination of envy and honesty as a compliment to you, your wife, and your friendship with this guy.

Your father and your wife are closest to you. I'd think try them first. Those two relations... I don't think they'd normally sell you out. Even if you're not particularly religious, preachers can be a good source. You just don't want to wind up with one who thinks he's holier than thou, IMO/BT.

I hope this helps.

Nightfall · « **Reply #12 on:** December 29, 2006, 06:05:31 AM »

I definitely second the recommendation for your wife, baring any unknown circumstances that may preclude it for whatever reason. I'll also add my name to the list of members offering their ear. You helped me out just a bit ago, I'm always willing to return the favor.

Jamisjockey · « **Reply #13 on:** December 29, 2006, 06:24:10 AM »

I get the impression its about his wife, otherwise the friend would still be the best choice.

Ex-MA Hole · « **Reply #14 on:** December 29, 2006, 06:28:07 AM »

I agree with what mustanger98 said- maybe it's a jealousy thing? Depending on the friend and the circumstances, I may or not be upset.

I have a had a friend tell me that my wife is his ideal woman, she is attractive, a good listener, etc...

I was honored, but nothing more.

Then again, if it was a drunken stupor, and he went into great detail of her assests, then I may be a bit more unhappy.

I'll hop onto the talk to your wife bandwagon.

He may be a good friend and she laughs it off.

She may be pissed, and say to you that he has been making her uncomfortable lately and didn't know how to tell you. That, my friend, is a whole nother can o worms.

M

Bogie · « **Reply #15 on:** December 29, 2006, 06:39:08 AM »

DO NOT TALK TO YOUR WIFE IF IT WILL BLEEP UP YOUR MARRIAGE!!!!!!

If you really wanna unload, drive to a different city, and find a priest who doesn't know you. See what he thinks.

Mannlicher · « **Reply #16 on:** December 29, 2006, 07:59:18 AM »

gee monkeyleg, thats sad. I can't imagine what it feels like to not be in control of your own life.

Gewehr98 · « **Reply #17 on:** December 29, 2006, 09:36:55 AM »

If it's any help...

I think your wife's a hottie, too. grin

(Sorry, aircrew humor showing its ugly head...)

Fjolnirsson · « **Reply #18 on:** December 29, 2006, 10:28:34 AM »

Monkeyleg,

Feel free to contact me, should you need to talk. I seem to be a good sounding board/source of advice for many people. At least, a lot of folks I barely know pour their hearts out to me.
Email, Pm, whatever. Email is probably fastest.

Monkeyleg · « **Reply #19 on:** December 29, 2006, 12:27:40 PM »

Actually, I've talked to my best friend a little bit about this, but he doesn't really have any advice. And it doesn't bother me that he has had fantasies about my wife. She was extremely attractive in her day, and lots of guys probably fantasized about her. She's still very attractive, although both of us are now in our fifties, so it's a different style of beauty.

The shrink I see is only for anti-depressants. That's why the sessions are just twenty minutes every six months.

There's another shrink I saw for many years, and she knows me very well. Problem is, she's now completely booked up with her current clients. (Lots of crazy people walking around Wink

).

I consider myself a Christian, but don't attend church except for weddings and funerals.

Maybe the best option is to take up one of the offers made by folks here to talk. I've come to know many of the people here as well as I know almost anyone, and regard most of the people here as friends.

Perd Hapley · « **Reply #20 on:** December 29, 2006, 12:46:34 PM »

This thread is worthless without pictures. angel

Strings · « **Reply #21 on:** December 29, 2006, 02:20:09 PM »

Umm, Dick... you DO still have my number, right? I've played counselor more than once...

SkunkApe · « **Reply #22 on:** December 29, 2006, 03:24:42 PM »

When I have a troubling personal matter that needs discussing, I usually talk to myself, or my bartender. In that order of preference.

Bob F. · « **Reply #23 on:** December 29, 2006, 03:46:47 PM »

First: must admit didn't read all the posts; I'm tired.

Your friend needs to see your shrink. If friend or shrink says "conflict of interest", tell them "no problem, I'm getting a new shrink"! He doesn't sound too dedicated and you don't sound too in-need of him.

Whenever I need intelligent conversation, I go find my dog.

Bob

charby · « **Reply #24 on:** December 29, 2006, 04:58:01 PM »

Quote from: Bob F. on December 29, 2006, 02:46:47 PM

First: must admit didn't read all the posts; I'm tired.

Your friend needs to see your shrink. If friend or shrink says "conflict of interest", tell them "no problem, I'm getting a new shrink"! He doesn't sound too dedicated and you don't sound too in-need of him.

Whenever I need intelligent conversation, I go find my dog.

Bob

I usually go alone with my dog and go fishing, hunting or just drive the countryside.

News:

Author Topic: Who to talk to about extremely personal matters? (Read 1923 times)

Chris

Strings