Parenting Styles/Techniques

[seeker_two]

Am I the only person that, as a soon-to-be-adoptive parent, is sorely tempted to use my child for a variety of psychological experiments?....such as trying to recreate the personality traits of Teddy Roosevelt or T.E. Lawrence in a pre-schooler.....or perhaps giving them a phobia about canned sodas.....


....would I be wrong in this?.... 

[MicroBalrog]

I am somehow reminded of certain xkcd.com strips.

[vaskidmark]

Bannana Boy's previous escapades have nothing to do with my opinion of his current incident.  Based on your prior record you should not only be shunned and voted off the island but locked away for our own good.

Cussing cops is impolite and can get you a free bite realignment, but he should know that by his age.  "Knocking down an administrator" is just too vague at this point - do we have anything showing he did it on purpose or was it something that happened in the course of trying to get out of the grasp of said administrator?

And if he's as "disruptive" as you are trying to make him out to be, has he been inspected and injected by the proper medical shamans to determine that he does not have some qualifying psychological issue that merits special education services and a get out of jail free disability rating?  If not, then perchance Momma could be deficient in her care of the prescious youth.  (As much as I think it's over-used the school has a responsibility to determine if this poor child is suffering from sort of emotional disability.  Their failure to do so is a greater disaster than what he may have done since kindergarten.)

Quite frankly I'm more concerned with the school administration's efforts to deamonize the entire issue.  Not so long ago they would have ID'd him, called him and his parent(s) in for a lecture, and sentenced him to some sort of in-school/after school punishment without making the entire thing a public spectacle.

stay safe.

[vaskidmark]

Am I the only person that, as a soon-to-be-adoptive parent, is sorely tempted to use my child for a variety of psychological experiments?....such as trying to recreate the personality traits of Teddy Roosevelt or T.E. Lawrence in a pre-schooler.....or perhaps giving them a phobia about canned sodas.....


....would I be wrong in this?.... 

No.

But we would appreciate YouTube updates on a regular basis.

stay safe.

[cassandra and sara's daddy]

Bannana Boy's previous escapades have nothing to do with my opinion of his current incident.  Based on your prior record you should not only be shunned and voted off the island but locked away for our own good.

Cussing cops is impolite and can get you a free bite realignment, but he should know that by his age.  "Knocking down an administrator" is just too vague at this point - do we have anything showing he did it on purpose or was it something that happened in the course of trying to get out of the grasp of said administrator?

And if he's as "disruptive" as you are trying to make him out to be, has he been inspected and injected by the proper medical shamans to determine that he does not have some qualifying psychological issue that merits special education services and a get out of jail free disability rating?  If not, then perchance Momma could be deficient in her care of the prescious youth.  (As much as I think it's over-used the school has a responsibility to determine if this poor child is suffering from sort of emotional disability.  Their failure to do so is a greater disaster than what he may have done since kindergarten.)

Quite frankly I'm more concerned with the school administration's efforts to deamonize the entire issue.  Not so long ago they would have ID'd him, called him and his parent(s) in for a lecture, and sentenced him to some sort of in-school/after school punishment without making the entire thing a public spectacle.

stay safe.

wasn't the school that made it a spectacle  thats bannana boys mo  and mommas
hes been called high functioning autistic by his momma

[vaskidmark]

It appears that the Principal has endured more than she cold endure regarding Bannana Man.  She has resigned. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/09/28/banana-man-virginia-principal-resigns_n_984528.html?ir=Education&icid=maing-grid10%7Chtmlws-main-bb%7Cdl4%7Csec3_lnk1%7C99801

And yes, Bannana Man is described as being Aspergers.  Which if diagnosed (not saying the Dx is/was correct or not, just saying that if it was made) then the school needed to determine if his emotional disability might have contributed to the behavior for which they wanted to discipline him, and if so give him pretty much a free pass.  Seems between screwing the pooch on the discipline and rwally screwing the pooch on the First Amendment "Free Bannana Man" T-Shirts debacle the Principal was better off resigning than facing disciplinary action that could then be used against her in civil suits.

And yes, the whole thing was stupid.

stay safe.

[roo_ster]

Am I the only one that thinks emotional / mental disability not an excuse for repeated damnfool behavior?  If someone can not function in a school, for whatever the reason (discounting something like, say, concerted torment), they need to go.  Especially if my tax dollars are paying the freight.

[seeker_two]

Am I the only one that thinks emotional / mental disability not an excuse for repeated damnfool behavior? 

If said emotional/mental disability affects a person's cognitive ability, decision-making processes, and perception of reality ( http://www.webmd.com/brain/autism/tc/aspergers-syndrome-symptoms ), then yes...it becomes an "excuse"....an excuse to get proper treatment and supports to get him to a point where he can be a contributing member of society rather than the next ranting bum on a street corner or the next criminal to occupy space in jail and on the nightly news....

...what exactly is your plan for dealing with these children?....and where do you expect to see them in ten years?.....


....btw, just on the brief observation from the videos, I don't think this kid has Aspergers or any of the autism-spectrum disorders....I'd peg him more as a conduct disorder with narcissistic tendencies....and, unless the school had a special-ed behavior plan in place to deal with his diagnosis, the suspension was justified.....

[cassandra and sara's daddy]

gonna be fun finding a new principle
kid was on suspension when he showed up for his run  shoulda caught trespass charge but its not too late for that. the local commonwealths attorney is intense
that school is fed from my hood there is lots of back trail on baby. as well as a bit of backroom race card playing

[vaskidmark]

Just to clarify things -

I've never supported the Special Education tomfoolery, even when I've used/abused it to the hilt in order to get appropriate services for a kid in desparate need of a way to get to their 18th birthday without a lengthy felony record already attached, or some kid who would never otherwise be able to make it even in a structured group home and sheltered workshop.  The "if it's part of his diagnosis it's a free pass" BS continues to be the educational system's excuse for demanding the money to "deal" with those kids but refusing to provide the meaningful services that would actually allow them to benefit from a public education.

In my professional career I've engineered sending kids to specialized facilities that provide the support services (no, not crutches and excuses) to help a kid learn how to either manage or be managed without harming others.  It's been a few decades now since I did that sort of thing but I understand my name is still a dirty word with the three school systems I took to copurt to force them to comply with the laws about special education.  That bothers me, because I only got four kids into those high-priced, specialized, residential programs halfway across the country, and took over two dozen kids out of "special education" and through a combination of decent mental health services (from the public MH system, amazingly), improved parenting (thank you, BB/BS volunteers) and the fear of Jesus thrown at all concerned by an excellent Juvenile Court Judge.  I guess if you make the School Board cough up $300K for one kid for one year they get bent out of shape over not having the bucks to go to conferences.

I'd like to see the rules changed, but while the rules are still the rules everybody needs to follow them.  And that does include Bannana Boy.

stay safe.

[cassandra and sara's daddy]

folks think i'm mad at banana boy.  i'm not i'm angry at his enablers who help him stay behind. 

[grampster]

Det cord, applied strategically.  

Be firm.  Explain things in ways kids understand.  Never make threats you are not willing to carry out.  Be prepared for the worst anyway.  Hold tight to the fact that good parenting will, in the end, prove to be a positive in a child's life even if it takes till he/she turns 40.  Be prepared that it won't have any effect at all.  The child will make choices and you can't take the blame for what those choices are.

I find the examples you gave to be good ones.

[roo_ster]

If said emotional/mental disability affects a person's cognitive ability, decision-making processes, and perception of reality ( http://www.webmd.com/brain/autism/tc/aspergers-syndrome-symptoms ), then yes...it becomes an "excuse"....an excuse to get proper treatment and supports to get him to a point where he can be a contributing member of society rather than the next ranting bum on a street corner or the next criminal to occupy space in jail and on the nightly news....

...what exactly is your plan for dealing with these children?....and where do you expect to see them in ten years?.....


....btw, just on the brief observation from the videos, I don't think this kid has Aspergers or any of the autism-spectrum disorders....I'd peg him more as a conduct disorder with narcissistic tendencies....and, unless the school had a special-ed behavior plan in place to deal with his diagnosis, the suspension was justified.....

Why is that my problem, again? 

I am less & less sanguine about spending my tax dollars on other folks and other folks' kids.  I pay 100% of the freight to educate my kids, along with property taxes for the gov't school system to pay the way for others to leech off of.  When my son required particular extra-curricular help, I paid for that, too.  All post-tax dollars, BTW.

All that does not come cheap and we don't buy a lot of other stuff, drive new cars, or live in a big house in a trendy neighborhood.  And now I am supposed to tolerate not only paying for some whacked little savage with delusions of worth to get some extra-speshul help, I am supposed to tolerate it when he makes it harder for the other kids to learn, thus less efficiently using my taxpayer dollars.

Too many folks (and their kids) in the wagon, not enough pulling the wagon.

[brimic]

4) "Your Call" or "Sibling Justice"  Having grown up with 4 brothers and 2 sisters, there was some/a lot of "internal policing" and what I call "sibling justice". Like when I tell my son not to shoot his teenage sister (she's 7 years older) with Nerf Guns or Super Soakers.  "You can, but you'll have to survive the beatdown she'll give you when she catches you."  My wife thought it was horrible when they would fight(2), but as long as closed fists weren't being used and it didn't get out of hand, I would let them settle things between them.  And generally an hour of less later they would be in one or the others rooms playing a cardgame, boardgame, or some such together.  Where as if my wife tired to break them up, generally the matter would not be resolved and issue would continue to fester and boil with more yelling, slamming of doors and just all around unpleasantness for hours or even days. 

Yep, use that one a lot- after the fact, and wife doesn't like it.
When Daughter (5) goes and pokes/kicks/jumps on Son (8) while he's minding his own business and often times reading, then comes crying to me about the push/headlock/noogie she received the conversation goes something like this:
DD (crying) 'My brother <insert horrible violation> me"
Me "were you poking him?"
DD (turns up the crying about 3 notches) "mmmhmmm"
Me "what did you expect would happen?"

[cassandra and sara's daddy]

teaching kids about consequences?  isn't that child abuse in todays world

[seeker_two]

Why is that my problem, again? 

Because....when that kid doesn't get the meds and eds that he needs to become a lawful, educated citizen, he'll be the "self-medicating" meth-head with a stolen gun who's breaking into your home at 2am.....


....which solution would you prefer?....