Author Topic: Limericks (Read 6275 times)

Guest · « **on:** December 22, 2005, 08:09:06 PM »

I figure the Pun thread has been so much fun, and will continue to be.

Back in my drinking days I used to go to Shakey's Pizza, get dark beer by the Pitcher and listen to Bobby J. Hayes, from Bonham TX. Bobby J., played guitar, and did various takes of great tunes. He also did Limericks. Oh boy, did he ever. Folks would join in and share their favorites. Amazing what a pitcher of beer could buy - from Limericks to that Dead Head T- shirt the blond was wearing...oops...

Now I gotta see what LawDog comes up with Limericks...

To start us off...

There was a small boy of Quebec
Who was buried in snow to his neck
When they said, "Are you friz?"
He replied, " Yes, I is
But we don't call this cold in Quebec"
-Rudyard Kipling

A man hired by John Smith and Co.
Loudly declared that hed tho.
Men that he saw
Dumping dirt near his door
The drivers, therefore, didnt do.
-Mark Twain

grampster · « **Reply #1 on:** December 22, 2005, 08:12:53 PM »

You are a poltroon. You have a tenacity for enhancing the embrace of catatonia.

Leave me in peace, sirrah! I implore you.

Guest · « **Reply #2 on:** December 22, 2005, 08:28:41 PM »

http://www.loonylimericks.com/naughty/list2.php

Date: 09:06, 29th April
From: Limerick Man

The limerick's callous and crude,
Its morals distressingly lewd;
It's not worth the reading
By persons of breeding -
It's designed for us vulgar and rude.

Date: 09:07, 29th April
From: Limerick Man

The limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical.
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean -
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.

Preacherman · « **Reply #3 on:** December 22, 2005, 08:52:34 PM »

Aaaaahhh, limericks! One of the finer art forms.

The limerick's an art form complex
Whose contents run chiefly to sex.
It's famous for virgins
And masculine urgin's
And vulgar erotic effects.

I know lots and lots of limericks, but so few of them are clean enough to post here... Tongue

LawDog · « **Reply #4 on:** December 23, 2005, 06:48:18 AM »

How about ...

Punning limericks!

As played by the phantoms of Poole
Graveyard football can be very cruel
If one kicks a ghost
Passed the other side's post
He wins credit for scoring a ghoul

A logger on top of Mt. Hood
Saw a bigfoot quite near where he stood.
As the creature drew near,
The man trembled with fear,
As only the petrified wood.

A computer scientist called Mad Matt
Crying "Genetics is where it's all at",
Crossed a Ford veep he knew
With a mammal that flew
And produced an auto.exec.bat

LawDog

Strings · « **Reply #5 on:** December 23, 2005, 07:11:51 AM »

double-tap

Strings · « **Reply #6 on:** December 23, 2005, 07:12:54 AM »

UNCLE! UNCLE!

LawDog · « **Reply #7 on:** December 23, 2005, 08:08:03 AM »

Hah! I accept no surrender!

A flea and a fly in a flue
Were caught, so what could they do?
Said the fly, "Let us flee."
"Let us fly," said the flea.
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.

An airplane was tested one night
By two Chinese men seeking flight.
Wong Fei-Lu and Wong Ping,
Crashed and failed to take wing,
Proving two Wongs do not make a Wright.

An accepted and widely-used trick
Is to lay on the humor too thick
And to pun in your rhyme
But if done all the time,
You could get the short end of the schtick.

The centurions covered their ears
As the tidings from Gaul fed their fears:
The Armorican hordes
Had forsaken their swords
And were now armed with Brittany spears!

The oracle ran from the sarge
And escaped with the loot from the barge.
She's a dwarf, this sly crook,
Whom the cops overlook
What a clever small medium at large!

Two antennas went out on a date,
Then decided to wed. It was fate!
Though the guests of this pair
Thought the wedding was fair,
All agreed the reception was great!

Two men brought their knives (but no light)
To spar in Manila one night.
They both lost their lives:
It was too dark for knives.
(Two barongs they say don't make it bright.)

*snort, snort*

LawDog

grampster · « **Reply #8 on:** December 23, 2005, 08:39:35 AM »

Just when I was getting my self esteem back, I decide to see what's happening at APS. I'm going back to my room, repulling the blanket over my head and begin rocking back and forth again.

Chuck Dye · « **Reply #9 on:** December 23, 2005, 09:44:01 AM »

My own composition. Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

A limerick writer, Magliozzi,
totaled his Nissan: a hot Z.
For whilst he did ponder a double entendre,
the drawbridge he, sadly, did not see.

Save the skeet!

Guest · « **Reply #10 on:** December 23, 2005, 09:44:48 AM »

Way to Go LawDog!

Encore! Encore!

grampster,

I told ya to be nice to me. Tongue

Someone needs to write a limerick about grampster and Tootsie Rolls. Cheesy

I nominate LawDog.

Do I hear a second?

Strings · « **Reply #11 on:** December 23, 2005, 09:57:19 AM »

no... mercy, please! What'd I ever do to y'all?

Guest · « **Reply #12 on:** December 23, 2005, 10:27:58 AM »

Hunter-

This mean you changed your mind about meeting me when you are going to be up my way? Tongue

Preacherman and Larry Survived meeting me. They are still okay. *smirk*

Steve

grampster · « **Reply #13 on:** December 23, 2005, 10:34:34 AM »

sm,
Looks like you can acquire a boarder in the good padre. Seems he's cold and having to er, um, cough, use the bushes next to his house for a bidet.

Check his Christmas thread.

Strings · « **Reply #14 on:** December 23, 2005, 10:35:28 AM »

>This mean you changed your mind about meeting me when you are going to be up my way?<

I'm begining to wonder if we should... Wink

>Preacherman and Larry Survived meeting me. They are still okay. *smirk*<

You're describing Preacherman as OK? Somehow, i think our definitions of "OK" are slightly different... :neener:

Guest · « **Reply #15 on:** December 23, 2005, 10:52:22 AM »

Preacherman is Cool. Really!

Very Sophisticated and smart. The waitresses kept eyes on him, he is that handsome.

Me, I set my ice tea glass over on his side of the table to get a waitress to fill "his" glass.
They ask him what "he " needs and he get stuff for me Tongue

I just go get him, drive, eat, drive him back. That is my job. As far as the waitresses - I was not even there.

Grampster,
I would if I could. Preacher knows that. Seems I get to "road tick" proof mom's house and disappear before some crazy folks come into town.

I may get to do something to take me out of the whole picture, put me in harm's way as they say. Akin to some stuff I did in a former life. If not...I'm going to hide from these crazy folks...already made contingency plans.

I may be dumb - ain't stupid.

I know - get the keys to Clark's. We can go play all day...he does have an indoor range. We will babysit. Tongue

Strings · « **Reply #16 on:** December 23, 2005, 11:37:03 AM »

Hmmm... Preacherman in the same area, or is it a drive to go visit? Wouldn't mind meetin' him too (ok... Spoon would be more interested in meeting him, as she likes his sense of "humor")...

Something tells me that's gonna be a busy week!

Larry Ashcraft · « **Reply #17 on:** December 23, 2005, 11:39:08 AM »

Steve, I got a question. This has been bugging me for a long time.

Just what the hell is a "Road Tick"? Cheesy

Strings · « **Reply #18 on:** December 23, 2005, 11:43:05 AM »

>Just what the hell is a "Road Tick"?<

Something extremely crazy, from the context. Wink

Also seems to be another term for "irritating/crazy inlaw"

grampster · « **Reply #19 on:** December 23, 2005, 11:46:51 AM »

Larry a synonym might be "slimeball".

Art Eatman · « **Reply #20 on:** December 23, 2005, 12:07:48 PM »

"There was a young lady named Leith..." No.

"There were two young gays from Kartoum,
who spent the whole night in a room.
They argued all night,
as to who had the right,
to do what and with what to whom."

"There was a young lady named Ransom,
who was made love to nine times in a hansom.
When she cried out for more,
came a weak voice from the floor:
Madam, I'm Simpson, noy Samson."

"There was a young mand named Dave..." No.

, Art

matis · « **Reply #21 on:** December 23, 2005, 12:53:57 PM »

A tooter who tooted the flute
Tried to tutor two tooters to toot
Asked the two of the tooter
"Is it easier to toot
Or to tutor two tooters to toot?"

I wish that my room had a floor
I don't so much care for a door.
But this crawling around
Without touching the ground
Is getting to be quite a bore.

I know, they're not erotic.

I'll see if I cn come up with more.

matis

Guest · « **Reply #22 on:** December 23, 2005, 01:25:21 PM »

Quote

Something extremely crazy, from the context.

That be a Road Tick.

Carpet Ticks are kids, they grow a bit and become Curtain Tuggers.

Wait a durn minute...Hunter you are in TX - right? You are supposed to know these things...
I was not born in TX, I am from the South...I know these things. I am an adopted TX native son tho'.

Why is it EVERYONE wants to meet Preacher and not me?

Ya'll been sinning or something?

'Fraid you'd be sinning just hanging with me?.

Now do I seem like the kind of fella that would get folks into trouble....? *smirk*

Smoke · « **Reply #23 on:** December 23, 2005, 02:34:36 PM »

Quote

Why is it EVERYONE wants to meet Preacher and not me?

Corruptive influence.
Don't want to be seduced by a 28 ga.
Don't need someone to blame.
Skeered.
Afraid Smoke might tag along.
Afraid dogs and kids might abandon them.
On the "fried pie wagon"
Phobia of cast iron.
Black nylon and kydex crowd afraid to be shown up by leather gear and tenny shoes.

Smoke

Strings · « **Reply #24 on:** December 23, 2005, 02:56:22 PM »

Ok. I'm not only NOT from Texas, but I've never been there (maybe someday). I'm living in Wisconsin, and originally from Illinois...

Didn't say we didn't want to meet ya, just would be cool to meet as many from the boards as possible...

as for this: "Black nylon and kydex crowd afraid to be shown up by leather gear and tenny shoes."... I'll be in Arkansas for the National Conferance of Bikers Against Child Abuse. Doubt there will be much nylon and Kydex there. There WILL, however, be at least one kilt... Wink

News:

Author Topic: Limericks (Read 6275 times)

Guest

Guest

Strings

Strings

Chuck Dye

Guest

Strings

Guest

Strings

Guest

Strings

Strings

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Strings