I swear, reading the Journal Sentinel lately is more entertaining than going to a White Castle or George Webb at 3 am.
Today's offering from Milwaukee's esteemed daily:
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CONCEALED CARRY
Don't carry a gun; carry Mace instead
I am writing to express my opinion on the proposed concealed gun legislation based upon considerable personal experience.
While I reside in Wisconsin most of the year, I spend my summers in the mountain West. In all my meanderings in the mountains, I have encountered many dangerous wild animals - bears, mountain lions and moose.
Despite a number of close calls, I have never been worried about my safety because I always carry Mace with me. If pepper spray or Mace will repel the attack of an enraged grizzly bear, it will promptly immobilize a would-be assailant or rapist.
More important, it will not kill or injure anyone carrying it for "personal protection."
Carrying a concealed firearm - legal or illegal - is a dangerous proposition. Choose Mace in a gun's place. In the strongest terms available to me, I beseech you not to enact legislation permitting the carrying of concealed firearms.
Whether licensed or unlicensed, it is foolhardy at best, deadly at worst. There is, after all, a far better alternative to ensuring personal safety. Choose Mace in a gun's place.
Daniel O. Holland
Plover
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Well, at least he "beseeches", rather than being demanding. That's rather polite, don't you think? With that degree of charm, he probably doesn't need a gun to protect himself from bad guys when he can sweet talk them instead.
Too bad he doesn't tell us if he ever really used the Mace on a grizzly and, if so, how it worked. He's alive, so chances are he didn't use it. If he did, he's lucky to be alive after irritating a very large bear with a Cajun condiment.
And this: Choose Mace in a gun's place. I was waiting for the next sentence to read, "Burma Shave".