R.I.P. Scout26
“The background check sounds concerning,” explained deranged murderer Steve Mason, known as “Murdering Steve” to his friends. “I would definitely fail it since I’m a well-known psychopath. But I’ve never actually purchased a gun through a gun-dealer; I just steal all my murder weapons. And so far no one has proposed a background check on theft, so I think I’m good.”
Jake Foster, who is planning a shooting spree, expressed similar concerns about the ban on “high-capacity” magazines. “Having to do a shooting spree and reloading after every tenth shot does sound irritating,” said Foster. “Despite the law, I might just use a high-capacity magazine anyway. I guess the question is whether I’m willing to deal with a possible fine on top of the multiple counts of murder.”
Democrats expressed deep concerns that airplanes might, of their own free will, launch another violent attack, similar to the events of 9/11.“Eighteen years ago, after months of careful plotting, three passenger planes committed one of the greatest atrocities on American soil,” Pelosi stated, “and it could happen again if we don’t introduce new and invasive regulations!”
“We’ve known for years that guns have been directly responsible for nearly all violent crime ever committed,” Booker elaborated, “but while we were so focused on AR-15s & BB-8s, planes have been lurking in the shadows, ready to pounce!”
