Dear patient with an IUD:
Thank you for telling me all about your plans to have your IUD removed and then sue the manufacturer of the IUD. I am unsure on the grounds for your suit since the IUD has worked well since it was installed, and you did not get pregnant, have a uterine perforation, pelvic inflammatory disease or any of the other rare complications that do occur sometimes. But whatevs.
I am sorry that I could not fulfill your request to keep the removed IUD in my office 'until my attorney subpoenas it'. The 'chain' you were trying to explain is actually called the chain of custody, and I learned about it in law school, where they gave a better explanation than you did. I really don't have the time nor inclination to store your IUD for you with the attendant liability if something happens to it.
Instead, I gave instructions for my provider to directly transfer the extracted device from your uterus into a specimen cup, put the lid on it, seal the cup with tape, date and initial the tape across the seal and then hand the cup over to you, with a note in the chart giving the specifics of how the device was removed, handled and transferred to you all in the same visit. You can then hand it over to your attorney whenever you like. My provider and I will be happy to execute a declaration for your attorney regarding our role in the chain of custody.
No, I don't feel the need to look at your IUD; I have seen enough of them in my career. Did I tell you that I started my legal career working on the Dalkon Shield IUD cases? Those happened way before you were born, and I think I actually still have one somewhere in a box in the garage. Best of luck with your case.
