Monkeyleg, I can fully understand and appreciate what you're going through - but I'm also here to tell you, the "blue funk" can be beaten.
Let me tell you how the past twenty months have been for me, and what it's meant for my life. I suffered a serious injury in February 2004, which brought to an end my career with the Federal Bureau of Prisons as a Chaplain, and has left permanent nerve damage, which means that I will never again be capable of holding down a "normal" 8-hour-a-day job. I've got a smallish disability pension from the BOP, but this won't be enough to live on, and I'll have to find some way of making additional income (probably home-based or part-time, due to physical limitations). Despite medication, I'll be in pain 24/7/365 to at least some extent, although this will be manageable.
I had to come to terms with all this whilst undergoing two surgeries and a heck of a lot of pain and misery. I really do know the depths of depression into which one can sink!!! And still, I'm here to tell you that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I've been able to adjust to my new and more restricted circumstances; I'm confident that if I apply myself, I'll be able to make enough money to get by, and provide for my future and retirement; I have friends to lean on when I need to; and I'm planning a very major change in my life's circumstances, which will be very painful in some respects, but will also offer great opportunity and new hope, if all the aspects come together.
If you look "down" at the problem, all you'll see is the doom, gloom and disaster... and that's no answer at all. Rather, look "up", away from the problem, towards the solution. You'll have your own approach to life, of course; mine involves my faith in God, my own learning experiences from my past, and a willingness to turn a new page and start a whole new chapter. I'm not discouraged or downhearted by my problems. Rather, I'm grateful that I worked in a system that paid for all my costs (which have run well into six figures by now), has provided a disability pension (albeit not a great one, but it's a lot better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick!), and has left me with at least basic security. The rest is up to me, and with God's help, I'll tackle any challenge with a smile.
You're obviously suffering from burnout in your political activities. This is not to be wondered at... to quote the sage, "When you're up to your ass in crocodiles (or politicians), it's difficult to remind yourself that your initial objective was to drain the swamp!" Look beyond the crocodiles, and look at the broad objective you wanted to achieve. That remains worthwhile, despite all the obstacles in the way. Take a break for a while, if possible. Look at all of the good things that have occurred in other States over the past few years. Look at the victories "our side" has gained in the fight for the RKBA, and be encouraged by them to continue your own work in the struggle.
Also, take time for your wife and your mutual relationship. There is nothing, repeat, NOTHING, more important than your unity with your spouse. If you love one another, work at that love! Reinforce it, affirm it, "make love" every day in the fullest sense of the word (not just the act of sex, but making all your interactions into those of love and mutual giving). Don't let politicians come between you, and make sure that this relationship, which is the bedrock upon which all your foundations of life are rooted, remains sound and wholesome.
Hope this helps... if you want to talk more, PM me on THR, and we'll get in touch.
God bless.
