I still can't stop laughing - hope I can type this OK!
I went into Wal-Mart this morning to pick up a new cordless phone (my old one's battery's dying, and the cost of a battery is more than a replacement phone). So, I'm standing eyeballing the lines of telephones when a little old lady comes along with her little old husband - and their little old fluffy Peke/terrier/Heinz 57-type dog, being carried lovingly in a wicker basket by little old lady.
They stop next to me to inspect the phones, and little old lady puts down her wicker basket while she and her husband pick up and inspect various instruments. After a few seconds, unnoticed by them (or by me at the time) her little darling wiggles its way out of the basket and sets off to explore the bottom shelf.
The doggie draws attention to itself when several boxes of telephone handsets fall (loudly) off the shelf onto the floor. Little old lady gasps, looks down at basket, realizes Poochikins is missing, and squeaks - yes, squeaks! - in horror. She and little old husband toddle off towards fallen boxes to retrieve Poochikins.
Poochikins is having far too much fun to want to be retrieved. With a bound and a "Yip! Yip!", he's across the aisle and into the bottom shelf of the computer printer section. You guessed it - as he progresses down the back of the shelf, various boxed printers topple into the aisle. Bonk - bink - bonk - etc.
This, in turn, attracts the eye of a couple of nice young ladies in Wal-Mart uniform, who come scurrying over to see what strange poltergeist is moving their printer boxes without permission or authorization. I'm standing there grinning in the meantime. Little old lady explains, in somewhat panicky fashion, and the ladies set out to assist in the search for errant Poochikins. Four people on hands and knees, crawling up and down the aisle, looking behind boxes and calling fruitlessly.
Meanwhile, Poochikins has come to the end of the shelf, turned the corner, and gone up the next aisle, behind the boxes of portable sound systems. The bink - bonk - bink of falling boxes one aisle over gives a clue to his whereabouts. All four scurry round the corner to look for him. As they do so, he appears round the other corner of the aisle, behind their backs, looking ridiculously pleased with himself. He trots over to me and sniffs my ankles, and I pat him reassuringly. He licks my hand and heads off round the corner to see what all the fuss is about in the next aisle.
Next thing I hear is "Ooooooh - YUCK!" Yes, you guessed it - he lifted his leg against the ankle of one of the kneeling Wal-Mart ladies as she was looking beneath the bottom shelf for him. She jumps up, bangs her head against the shelf, bringing forth another "OW!", and staggers back. Her partner makes a grab for Poochikins, who decides that this stranger isn't very friendly, and nips sharply at her fingers. She recoils wildly, making "OW!" noises of her own, and Poochikins runs back around the corner in my direction, pursued by Little Old Lady and Little Old Husband, both making cooing noises at him.
He's still not ready to be caught, and with a burst of acceleration, disappears around the corner, crosses the main aisle in that section, and heads into the toy department. By now, I've joined the pursuit, along with two grim-faced Wal-Mart ladies, his two aged owners, and a few other shoppers, who (like me) are giggling irrepressibly as we hunt down the errant canine.
We eventually run him to earth in the Teddy Bear department, where he's doing his best to dismember a Taiwanese Teddy, complete with loud growls and fearsome attack demeanor. He suffers himself to be picked up by Little Old Lady, but refuses to let go of the teddy bear, so she packs him back into his basket with Teddy on top. They are escorted to the front by the grim-faced ladies, and asked to leave the dog in their car before continuing shopping. They have to pay for the teddy bear before they can do this.
After much mopping of dog pee off floor, and departure of one Wal-Mart lady to wash out her shoe and trouser leg, the morning continued . . . with a sort of anti-climactic feeling!
