Computer privileges revoked - permanently!

[erictank]

Not overly critical of his intent, but he could have picked better methods....

1. Scrub & sell the laptop & cell phone. Put the money in her college fund.

2.  Keep the FB account, but lock her out of it. Post pics & status of her time while being grounded (doing chores, staying home on weekends, room w/o electronics, etc.). Let her "friends" see her punishment.

3. When she understands what she did wrong and is repentant, let her earn it back.

Shooting the laptop was stupid....making good on a promise isn't....

I appreciated the video, but agree that he shouldn't have unloaded into the computer - better to do as you suggest, Seeker, and take it and either use it himself or sell it. I *REALLY* like the #2 idea you posted - her "teenage rebellion/my life is SOOOOOO hard!!!!" post was public and specifically aimed at her friends at the expense of her parents, who she tried to lock out of seeing it. I have no problem with the notion of that same target audience seeing that she is paying a valid price for said rebelliousness. She did it to gain peer-points - Dad's response will cost her those same points. And that's fair, IMO.

Yeah, she's a kid and kids talk back. I get that. I *WAS* one, same as pretty much all of you (though I might have some doubts about some of you...  ). Letting them think that they can get away with doing something unacceptable which you've punished them for previously will only make them MORE willing to behave badly. Her butt-hurt "my life is so HARD" rant was amusingly clueless - she has NO idea what her father's generation, and those before that, had to do as part of their (our) everyday lives. She's got it SOFT, and doesn't appreciate it.  Get paid for chores?  Since when?  You do chores because you live there and aren't paying for room and board, it's part of learning responsibility and the habits and skills you need when you do move out on your own (and Mommy and Daddy aren't there to pick up after you, cook your meals, wash your dishes, etc.). Her post, which he read, strikes me as nothing more than an entitlement rant, and he nipped that in the bud pretty thoroughly. I think she'll be better off for it, though it won't be fun getting through the punishment she earned. Part of childhood, darlin'. Hope you learned the proper lesson this time.

[Monkeyleg]

After reading all of the posts subsequent to mine, I've re-thought my position. I agree with those who think the father went too far, was himself a jerk, and did himself no good. BSL's post in particular made sense, both because of the points she made, but also because she's not too many years removed from the age of the daughter, so she knows how the minds of girls that age work. (And it sounds like hers worked pretty hard in those directions ).

Once I was a punk, there was almost nothing my father did to me that would make me back down. Something like this would have just made me worse. I'm sorry now for what I put him through, but my buddies and I just laughed at his attempts to control me. My brothers were the same way, or maybe even worse.

[BlueStarLizzard]

The sad thing is, our culture doesn't allow a parent to do what is necessary to most efficiently keep little 16YO nitwits in line(1).

From the looks of things, Dad is doing alright, providing for his family.  The ungrateful little sack just plain has no idea how good she has it and repeatedly slanders her family.  If she has it so unbearably bad, she can take her unemployable self and make her own way in life.






(1)  A single mom my wife worked with had a son with a similar case of cranio-rectal inversion.  She had some interesting stories about the lengths she, as a female, had to go to to keep a teen-aged boy in line and out of trouble.  After one outrageous incident where he made noise and action like he was going to try to get physical, she drags him to the local PD station and says something like, "You're going to have to arrest him or me, because I can no longer control him and next time I am going to hit him with a 2x4."  The old policeman looks at the 13/14YO son and says, "Son, there is not a grand jury in this county that will indict you momma for beating you with a 2x4. They know how hard it is for a single momma to raise a teen-aged boy.  She would have to pound nails in that 2x4 and hit you with it before she'd get into any trouble.  I suggest you mind your momma."  Nitwit teenaged boy was not exactly mindful after that, but he never made noise like he was going to hit his momma ever again. 

Can I just point something out.

Do you know how incredibly annoying it is to be told "you should be thankful"?

Especially when you are a butt hurt teenager and you are pissy.

They have no clue how good they have it, because they DON'T KNOW what they don't have. They've only been around for 13-19 years, after all.

[seeker_two]

Can I just point something out.

Do you know how incredibly annoying it is to be told "you should be thankful"?

Especially when you are a butt hurt teenager and you are pissy.

They have no clue how good they have it, because they DON'T KNOW what they don't have. They've only been around for 13-19 years, after all.

I believe that she will know now....

[roo_ster]

I believe that she will know now....

This one's for all those adolescents--of whatever age--who rage against those who are paying their way though life and get their lappy's shot to bits:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i28UEoLXVFQ

[BlueStarLizzard]

I believe that she will know now....

Nope. Now she says "BUT THAT'S NOT FAAIIRR" (make sure you say that with a really obnoxious whine)

She's got to lose something a hell of a lot more importent then a computer to figure out what to be thankful for.
And some people never learn that. 

[MicroBalrog]

This one's for all those adolescents--of whatever age--who rage against those who are paying their way though life and get their lappy's shot to bits:

Key words there.

NYRA have it exactly right, too.

[cassandra and sara's daddy]

had the oldest watch the vid. she said
its too long she stopped paying attention 1/2 way good thing for me to remember. long ass chewings are not better
he shoulda sold or given away the computer
it woulda hurt worse to lose her phone
is that all she has to do? shes 10 and has more chores than that girl a lot more
she was stupid to act like that
and that she knows i'm a big enough butt to do it to her if provoked yea she used the word butt. in her defense i fit that description when pissed


the plus for me? we talked about tude and consequences
the wood box was full without asking
the laundry was done and put away she does her stuff and towels
when i pulled in driveway this morning with groceries she was waiting to help carry em in and put em away with no whining

the bonus plan? her lil sis is 4 and she wants to do everything her big sis does and sis is good role model the 4 year old took over unloading dishwasher as her chore and feeds the dogs and goats and hens with me in the afternoon.


i'm not sure if his method will do him any good but its helped me with mine and likely some others as well kinda like how if one kid at the park gets a spanking the other tighten up

[cassandra and sara's daddy]

Key words there.

NYRA have it exactly right, too.

not even close  that scribe was typical adolescent drivel


she whined about some mom who "sold her sons car zomg"
news flash junior didn't own a car.  it belonged to his parents who allowed him the privilege of driving it. not a right a privilege , one he abused by getting caught with a beer bottle in his car.

she talked about teens being hated?  yea  they are.  because they are hateful lil bastards.  god makes small children cute in the hope their parents will remember that and not strangle em in their sleep when they become teens.  their whimpering about injustice just makes it worse.

[roo_ster]

Clicked MB's link.  CSD has it right, adolescent drivel.  I'd be ashamed to link it without explaining that it serves as a bad example.

A typical misunderstanding:

And, parent or not, we all need to call out people who refuse to accept the fact that teenagers are respectable people, no matter how “surly” or “bratty” or “impossible” their parents or others think they might be.

Respect is earned, by one's actions.  Folks who act surly or bratty are surly people or bratty people, no respectable people.

Freakin' nitwits.

[cassandra and sara's daddy]

its embarrassing that i can  remember thinking like that at 12 and 13.  then i got a job .by the time i got my license i was on my own working and already pretty chagrined at how far up my butt my head had been .work and paying rent have curative powers

[MicroBalrog]

she whined about some mom who "sold her sons car zomg"
news flash junior didn't own a car.  it belonged to his parents who allowed him the privilege of driving it. not a right a privilege , one he abused by getting caught with a beer bottle in his car.

Gift someone something? It's not yours anymore.

[cassandra and sara's daddy]

christ   is it in the sob's name?  are they paying for the insurance? no  f them the horse they rode in on and the roflmao nyra.  they wanna be emancipated?  have at it don't let the screen door hit ya.  but the entitled darlings don't want that, heck they couldn't start to handle it

[MicroBalrog]

christ   is it in the sob's name?  are they paying for the insurance? no  f them the horse they rode in on and the roflmao nyra.  they wanna be emancipated?  have at it don't let the screen door hit ya.  but the entitled darlings don't want that, heck they couldn't start to handle it

We both know that registration in someone's name reflects ownership - but we also both know about people who own things and have them registered in other people's names for whatever reason. The whole point and purpose of gifting is that you do not own an object anymore. You might get away with retrieving it legally (and why I try not to put stuff I own in other people's names) and yet it does not change the moral nature of your behavior, or the transaction.

[Perd Hapley]

she whined about some mom who "sold her sons car zomg"
news flash junior didn't own a car.  it belonged to his parents who allowed him the privilege of driving it. not a right a privilege , one he abused by getting caught with a beer bottle in his car.

Gift someone something? It's not yours anymore.

How do you get from a car he didn't own, but was allowed to drive, to thinking it was a gift?

[MicroBalrog]

Gift someone something? It's not yours anymore.


How do you get from a car he didn't own, but was allowed to drive, to thinking it was a gift?

The context of the article and the phrasing clearly implies it was a gift.

[Nick1911]

The context of the article and the phrasing clearly implies it was a gift.

The cars I drove for a long time growing up, (the first one my folks bought for me) I certinly thought of as my property; but in hindsight, they were not titled to me - I didn't own them.  Not really.

If the parents were able to sell the car under protest, clearly they were the rightful owners all along.  Maybe teenager needs to figure out that unlike most property, automobiles have a legal document with them denoting ownership in print.  You don't hold title?  You don't own it.

[red headed stranger]

Respect is earned, by one's actions.  Folks who act surly or bratty are surly people or bratty people, no respectable people.

The same applies to parents.  

Shooting the laptop was stupid....making good on a promise isn't....

I agree with this.  He painted himself into a corner by making an over-the-top threat.

  

[cassandra and sara's daddy]

We both know that registration in someone's name reflects ownership - but we also both know about people who own things and have them registered in other people's names for whatever reason. The whole point and purpose of gifting is that you do not own an object anymore. You might get away with retrieving it legally (and why I try not to put stuff I own in other people's names) and yet it does not change the moral nature of your behavior, or the transaction.

i'm in a quandary here.  i really do like you and am anxious to see how you grow up. so i'll try to be delicate.
its sad when a 16 year old is a clueless entitled twit but as one get chronologically older we raise the bar and adult society expects more from you.  to some great degree modern adult society is responsible for the horror of this generation of the young and the useless. we allowed it outa misplaced love and quite frankly laziness.  because we didn't/wouldn't put in the effort to teach the young how to walk erect as men/women we have the current waves of nonsense being peddled. and its detritus.  folks living with mommy forever and never learning what responsible and accountable mean. history will and should damn us for it and the young will suffer .  some will learn and take their place as adults  and it seems many more will chose not to.  and thats where the young have to take their licks for they make a choice to remain feeble. with the support of their peers and a variety of hangers on of various motives.

you don't own the car or pay for it?  its not yours.  don't make a mortgage payment?  house isn't yours either . tv ?  cell phone?  gas card?  clothes? no pay no ownership. don't like it?  old enough to drive.  move the f out and show us how you will create your brave new world.

me?  i'll be in the corner , be easy to find the guy alternating between laughing and crying. but i'll be sleeping somewhere warm and dry and eating well


the only gift i might give a child of mine that can't be taken away by me is life.  and in some instances that might be subject to review

[MicroBalrog]

i'm in a quandary here.  i really do like you and am anxious to see how you grow up.

I lost you there. See if you can figure out why.

[red headed stranger]

i'm in a quandary here.  i really do like you and am anxious to see how you grow up. so i'll try to be delicate.
its sad when a 16 year old is a clueless entitled twit but as one get chronologically older we raise the bar and adult society expects more from you.  to some great degree modern adult society is responsible for the horror of this generation of the young and the useless. we allowed it outa misplaced love and quite frankly laziness.  because we didn't/wouldn't put in the effort to teach the young how to walk erect as men/women we have the current waves of nonsense being peddled. and its detritus.  folks living with mommy forever and never learning what responsible and accountable mean. history will and should damn us for it and the young will suffer .  some will learn and take their place as adults  and it seems many more will chose not to.  and thats where the young have to take their licks for they make a choice to remain feeble. with the support of their peers and a variety of hangers on of various motives.

As I alluded to earlier in this thread, the thing that I find interesting about many rants by parents of "good for nothing, lazy kids" is that they are often parents who haven't really had any high expectations of their child EVER.  Then, all of a sudden it is the kids fault. By the dad's own admission, the girl has no real expectations or responsibilities.  When one doesn't encourage responsibility in tangible ways, don't be surprised when the result is an irresponsible kid. 

Also, if one is an attention whore with a temper, don't be surprised when you see that reflected in your child.

[BridgeRunner]

A gift, by definition, is a transfer of ownership of property without payment in exchange.  It's nice when someone appreciates a gift I've given them.  If they don't appreciate it, however, I don't get to take it back.  If I do, then it was not a gift to them, but a self-aggrandizing method of controlling them.  It is patently unreasonable to expect someone to be grateful to another person for using stuff, especially necessary stuff, to control her.

I doubt I'll ever forget my high school principal telling me that I didn't realize how easy I had things, and that when I eventually had kids, a home, a job, etc. to take care of, I'd look back at how easy high school had been.  He was wrong.  

Parenting and narcissism should not go together.  When they do, life tends to become pretty hard for the kids involved.  Especially if they're teenagers, aka adults in most capacities.

[cassandra and sara's daddy]

I lost you there. See if you can figure out why.

it was a quiz question hidden in a statement  see if you can figure out how you did

[BlueStarLizzard]

 My first car (and the two that succeded it) had my name on the titles. I didn't pay for them. They were gifts.

You are obligated to provide certain things for your children. They are not obligated to you.

Technically, chores and other requiarments you expect from them are for THEIR benifit, not yours.

I love all this macho BS about "If they don't like it, they can LEAVE." Yeah, they can leave, and end up in social services and you get the legal hit.

If you give your child something, it is theirs. Toys, electronics, cars, whatever. You can restrict their axcess, for sake of punishments for bad behavior, but you better have a DAMN good reason to sell or destroy it.

You made them, then they are YOUR responcibility. They didn't have a say in their exsistence, they owe you nothing.

[cassandra and sara's daddy]

ahhhh so what are those things we , and maybe someday you, are obligated to provide?  and equally important why?