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Main Forums => The Roundtable => Topic started by: Guest on October 31, 2005, 12:15:10 AM

Title: Things a Modern Woman Should Know How to Do
Post by: Guest on October 31, 2005, 12:15:10 AM

Most importantly:

Make Gravy! No one can do this anymore and we're worse off for it.

Less critical but still important:

Remove grass stains.
Pluck eyebrows.
Tat Lace.

(Oh, come on..you saw this coming, didn't you?)

Title: Things a Modern Woman Should Know How to Do
Post by: Guest on October 31, 2005, 12:53:59 AM

(And Grampster, I'm kind of busy the next couple days and may not be able to check in, but I expect a properly-sarcastic response here. )

Title: Things a Modern Woman Should Know How to Do
Post by: 280plus on October 31, 2005, 01:15:46 AM

Barb, when someone "tats lace" what the hell are they doing?  

I'll vote for gravy any day, are there biscuits with that?

Title: Things a Modern Woman Should Know How to Do
Post by: mtnbkr on October 31, 2005, 02:42:03 AM

My wife can make gravy.  I can make biscuits.  We're a team effort.


Workin' to keep the old skills alive...
Chris

Title: Things a Modern Woman Should Know How to Do
Post by: Stickjockey on October 31, 2005, 04:34:32 AM

Basic roadside auto repair. Everyone should at least know how to change a tire.

Title: Things a Modern Woman Should Know How to Do
Post by: mhdishere on October 31, 2005, 04:55:38 AM

Stickjockey! Amen to that!  When my wife and I were dating we came downstairs once to a flat tire on her car, she was going to go upstairs and call AAA.  I had it changed in about 20 minutes, 10 of which was in figuring out where the (expletive deleted) engineers hid the (double expletive deleted) jack in the trunk of her (ten-minutes worth of expletives deleted) car.

Title: Things a Modern Woman Should Know How to Do
Post by: charby on October 31, 2005, 05:26:43 AM

One my way to work today, I had stopped at a red light at the bottom of the ramp. I looked in my mirror behind to see if anyone was behind and there was a attractive woman in a white car. So I just looked a little longer and she pulled out a tweezer and started to pluck her eyebrows. This is the first time I have seen this in a car, seen lots of makeup put one, but first time for tweezing.

+2 for changing a tire, everyone should now that.

Plus all women should know how to fry an egg, sunnyside, over easy and scrambled.

Charby

Title: Things a Modern Woman Should Know How to Do
Post by: Tallpine on October 31, 2005, 05:41:25 AM

Double tap COM

Title: Things a Modern Woman Should Know How to Do
Post by: grampster on October 31, 2005, 06:07:36 AM

Cough, ahem, so....Barbara.  Where do I start.  Ahhhhh, ummmmm, hmphff let's see, there are so many.....hmmmmm

Danger Will Robinson, Danger, do not enter the web Will Robinson, Danger......

Title: Things a Modern Woman Should Know How to Do
Post by: Brad Johnson on October 31, 2005, 06:46:30 AM

Is it bad if a guy knows how to make gravy? (...and lump-free, at that!)

Brad

Title: Things a Modern Woman Should Know How to Do
Post by: mtnbkr on October 31, 2005, 07:13:46 AM

Quote from: Brad Johnson

Is it bad if a guy knows how to make gravy? (...and lump-free, at that!)

Brad

Not in my opinion.  

I can make gravy too.  

I'm gonna make someone a nice wife one day... (so sez my wife)

Chris

Title: Things a Modern Woman Should Know How to Do
Post by: Silver Bullet on October 31, 2005, 07:18:03 AM

Quote

Remove grass stains.

Okay, so what's the answer ?

Title: Things a Modern Woman Should Know How to Do
Post by: mtnbkr on October 31, 2005, 07:32:24 AM

Quote from: Silver Bullet

Quote

Remove grass stains.

Okay, so what's the answer ?

Wear green clothes?

Chris

Title: Things a Modern Woman Should Know How to Do
Post by: wmenorr67 on October 31, 2005, 07:45:53 AM

Lets see.

Bait her own hook, gut her own fish, etc, etc, etc.

Title: Things a Modern Woman Should Know How to Do
Post by: K Frame on October 31, 2005, 08:43:40 AM

All good gravy starts with a roux.

Title: Things a Modern Woman Should Know How to Do
Post by: charby on October 31, 2005, 10:27:42 AM

Quote from: Mike Irwin

All good gravy starts with a roux.

No a chicken!

Title: Things a Modern Woman Should Know How to Do
Post by: KenH on October 31, 2005, 10:37:04 AM

The only thing I can cook better than my wife is minute rice, and we're tied on coffee.  

Title: Things a Modern Woman Should Know How to Do
Post by: K Frame on October 31, 2005, 11:31:30 AM

"No a chicken!"

A blond roux is even more important in chicken gravy...

Title: Things a Modern Woman Should Know How to Do
Post by: charby on October 31, 2005, 11:46:22 AM

Kind of what came first chicken grease or the flour/milk regarding gravy?

Title: Things a Modern Woman Should Know How to Do
Post by: DrAmazon on October 31, 2005, 01:17:21 PM

I still don't know all of these, but I'm working on it

A woman should know how to...
Check and top off routine fluids on the car
Change a tire (or know how to use fix a flat)
Jump start a car
Repair a hem with nothing but office supplies
Polish dress shoes
Examine and safely clear a rifle, shotgun, or handgun
Use some form of self defense to get away from an attacker
When it is and isn't appropriate to use the "girlish charms" to get something done
When it is and isn't appropriate to use the "-itchy side" to get something done
(Be able to use both at once if necessary!)
Use a fire extinguisher
Basic first aid and CPR

Title: Things a Modern Woman Should Know How to Do
Post by: Guest on October 31, 2005, 01:53:45 PM

Where the Water and gas shut-off valves are and how to turn off.  

Main power switch, how to check fuses, replace if applicable, and how to reset a circuit breaker.

Plunge a toilet, sink, bathtub.


Fine art of open-faced  toasted cheese sandwich, and soup.

Title: Things a Modern Woman Should Know How to Do
Post by: Guest on October 31, 2005, 02:20:28 PM

How the hell am I supposed to know? I can't tat lace.

Title: Things a Modern Woman Should Know How to Do
Post by: 280plus on October 31, 2005, 02:58:21 PM

LMAO...

Title: Things a Modern Woman Should Know How to Do
Post by: telewinz on October 31, 2005, 03:17:11 PM

How to make her man content...he'll take care of all the rest.  Modern or ancient, it's the best way to cope(most times).

Title: Things a Modern Woman Should Know How to Do
Post by: grampster on October 31, 2005, 03:18:54 PM

Barbara,

SWMBO says she knows about "tatting lace" but she doesn't know how to do it.  Sort of like crocheting, so says she that knows all, sees all.    (Let me try:  I think it is where you have a bunch of lace and you make little circular stitches around the threads between the holes, so the lace is then attached to a dress or something else you want lace on.)   She also knows where the knives go, the spoons and the forks too.  I think they have something to do with a drawer somewhere in the kitchen, but I am not sure.

The most important thing a woman should know is how to gain the undying confidence of her husband because she is able to handle whatever comes her way, and bearing up under the long suffering knowledge that her man is incapable of ever finding anything, especially in the refrigerator.

Title: Things a Modern Woman Should Know How to Do
Post by: Guest on October 31, 2005, 05:44:51 PM

Basic Tatting Lessons

http://www.thisntat.com/lessons1.html


Yeah I looked it up, curiousity got the better of me.

Well - seems to me knowing how to thread a needle, sew on a button, sew a tear, re-sew a hem,  put in/ take out cuffs, darn socks, or even how to iron on a patch would be a more needed skill that how to tat.
I mean knowing how to double tie shoelaces seems more useful to me.

Barbara - forget tatting!

Proper door slamming on nuisance door salesman - now that is an art!!  
Proper rude to crank  phone calls / wrong numbers - now that is an art!!

Personally not sure I'd want some lady sharing with me she could not hard-boil an egg - instead she could tat.

Now I gotta look up the old adage "tit for tat" ...after seeing how tatting is done, this old adage may take on a whole 'nuther meaning....

Title: Things a Modern Woman Should Know How to Do
Post by: Larry Ashcraft on October 31, 2005, 05:50:09 PM

Quote from: sm

darn socks

The way I taught my kids, you look at a sock with a hole in it and say "darn socks" and throw it away.

Yes, I DO know how to darn socks, I just don't do it.

And, Sandy CAN make gravy, brown or white.   Not me though.

Title: Things a Modern Woman Should Know How to Do
Post by: Guest on October 31, 2005, 06:16:46 PM

Larry, Larry, Larry - what am I gonna do with you.

Everybody knows - your supposed to darn the socks - not toss 'em.  Whaddya think you slide across the hardwood floor in?  "Darn Socks" of course.  Spray furniture polish on 'em to make 'em slicker.

Make great dust cloths when they won't stay on your feet anymore...

Now when they finally get really really bad, gar bait.  Cotton rope all shredded is good, but trust me, toss out a cotton sock all worn and such, and when the fine teeth of a gar latch hold - he is snagged but good.


For a dollar I'll share what nylons and panty hose with runs in them are good for.

I may not care one whit about 'tatting'  - but I do make scratch biscuits, can make gravy, and know how to be resourceful in other ways.

Barbara - don't be tossing out them nylons with runs in 'em...they do have a good use.
Just have to wait until I get my dollar, or three.

Title: Things a Modern Woman Should Know How to Do
Post by: CatsDieNow on November 01, 2005, 04:08:00 AM

Okay, I think I understand the tatting thing, but what is lace?

Title: Things a Modern Woman Should Know How to Do
Post by: Brian Williams on November 01, 2005, 07:23:20 AM

My mom taught me how she darns socks...
1 take needle with the thickest heaviest thread and go around hole in whatever manner
2 pullthread tight or until hole closes
3 knot 13 times
this works particullarly well if the hole is near heel or ball, because they they become Darn socks after this treatment.  Never asked my mom to fix any socks after that....


Now Nylons w/ runners make for the best application of hand rubbed varnish or oil finishes.  Ball them up and tuck them in to the toe and dip in the finish and start rubbing.  Now I am talking about Nylons not Pantihose....


But most of all a woman (and all men) should know is how to Learn.

Title: Things a Modern Woman Should Know How to Do
Post by: Guest on November 01, 2005, 08:06:27 AM

Brian is correct on one use for nylons - varnish and oil finishes.

Ain't got my dollar yet...but anywho...

Onions!

Take the pantyhose, drop and onion in, tie a knot above it. Drop another onion, tie another knot. Repeat.

This keeps onions, from touching each other and spoiling each other.  Just cut  below the knot, retrieve the onion as need. Knot above keeps onion above from falling out , hitting toes and rolling around and under something.  Also great conversation piece, folks go into where the pantyhose are hung up...and folks will either give you funny looks, have to ask, or pretend they didn't see and talk about you behind your back...

Yes it really works.

Title: Things a Modern Woman Should Know How to Do
Post by: KenH on November 01, 2005, 09:11:43 AM

Quote from: Brian Williams

Now Nylons w/ runners make for the best application of hand rubbed varnish or oil finishes.  Ball them up and tuck them in to the toe and dip in the finish and start rubbing.  Now I am talking about Nylons not Pantihose....

But most of all a woman (and all men) should know is how to Learn.

I learned that this idea works best with her foot OUT of the stocking....

Title: Things a Modern Woman Should Know How to Do
Post by: Felonious Monk/Fignozzle on November 01, 2005, 09:24:04 AM

Quote from: telewinz

How to make her man content...he'll take care of all the rest.  Modern or ancient, it's the best way to cope(most times).

Dude, I was trying to voice something along these lines without sounding like a MCP (Pig)
I'll just add my +1.


...IF the guy's worth a flip.

Title: Things a Modern Woman Should Know How to Do
Post by: Stickjockey on November 01, 2005, 10:30:30 AM

Quote

...what nylons and panty hose with runs in them are good for.

Picking up small parts.

Title: Things a Modern Woman Should Know How to Do
Post by: 280plus on November 01, 2005, 12:46:52 PM

There once was a woman who begat,
Three children named Nat, Pat and Tat.
Fun was the breeding but HELL was the feeding,
When she found there was no tit for Tat!

So sorry, I just COULDN"T resist...

Oh, and if you spill all your weed on the carpet just take a sock OR pantyhose, put it over the bare end of the vacuum hose and suck it up into the sock. Don't ask me how I know this, I just do.

Title: Things a Modern Woman Should Know How to Do
Post by: Stand_watie on November 01, 2005, 03:42:00 PM

Quote from: 280plus

...
Oh, and if you spill all your weed on the carpet just take a sock OR pantyhose, put it over the bare end of the vacuum hose and suck it up into the sock. Don't ask me how I know this, I just do.

Add a second vacum hose to the exhaust, a blow-dryer element and you have a giant forced air bong. Great for parties. Tell the fuddy-duddies it's a rented "fog machine".

Title: Things a Modern Woman Should Know How to Do
Post by: Stand_watie on November 01, 2005, 03:44:33 PM

^BTW, that was a joke ^

.. you might kill everybody from CO poisoning.

Title: Things a Modern Woman Should Know How to Do
Post by: Guest on November 01, 2005, 04:12:07 PM

I keep a couple pairs of old nylons in my emergency pack in the van.

They can be used as long johns, rope, emergency fan belt, filter, etc. Handy things. Uncomfortable as hell, but handy.

Title: Things a Modern Woman Should Know How to Do
Post by: Guest on November 01, 2005, 04:14:44 PM

(A gilded cage is still a cage. I prefer freedom.)

Title: Things a Modern Woman Should Know How to Do
Post by: 280plus on November 01, 2005, 04:26:53 PM

Quote

Tell the fuddy-duddies it's a rented "fog machine".

Damn, where were you with this idea 30 years ago?

The "head shops" did used to offer some kind of power bong set up. It was always like major $ though so nobody I know ever bought one...

Ah, memories of a truly misspent youth. Glad I grew up!

Title: Things a Modern Woman Should Know How to Do
Post by: Stand_watie on November 01, 2005, 04:42:43 PM

Quote from: 280plus

Quote

Tell the fuddy-duddies it's a rented "fog machine".

Damn, where were you with this idea 30 years ago?

The "head shops" did used to offer some kind of power bong set up. It was always like major $ though so nobody I know ever bought one...

Ah, memories of a truly misspent youth. Glad I grew up!

Winston - Salem. I was a muddy 5 year old playing in the creek behind the house. My closest experience to the ways of the wicked world was finding a six-pack of Schlitz (or was it Pabst) the Dillinger boys (real neighbor, real name) had hidden in the henhouse.