Need advice to keep marriage intact

[onions!]

"Don't fall for the assumption that because you might get good results that everyone else will.You're smarter than that."

Here's an internet statistic...

Anyone can (or should be able to), in seconds, lay hands on dozens of recipes created by people who know how to pick the correct ingredients that will guarantee a consistently flavorful, consistently moist, and consistently non-soggy roasted-in-bird stuffing.

Not a tasteless, crunchy, dried out pan of bread that should have been tossed to the birds.

So, let me say, just because you and yours apparently, by your own admission, can't cook, apparently can't do simple research, and apparently don't know the difference between gummy as *expletive deleted* it Wonder bread vs. real bread, don't fall for the assumption that everyone else is in that boat, too.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Assumptions based on nothing.
From an Alton Brown fanboy no less.
"Stuffing A Bird Is Evil"
Right back atcha!

[roo_ster]

I like stuffing/dressing. But the last few turkeys I have stuffed with a mix of saur kraut, apples, onions, caraway seeds.  Makes for a very moist bird and the family loves the kraut.  We do stuffing on the side with the giblets, neck, and tail.

[cassandra and sara's daddy]

Kraut?!
Get thee behind me satan!


I am deep frying a spiral ham. It comes out like a bacon pinecone


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[lupinus]

now its sounding like a proper holiday table around here

[cordex]

Ahhhhh!

Let the battle of the holiday traditions begin!

The Holidays bring us together. In hand to hand combat.

[roo_ster]

Kraut?!
Get thee behind me satan!


I am deep frying a spiral ham. It comes out like a bacon pinecone


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Try it.  You'll like it. 

[roo_ster]

Oh, I am using the remnants of the spiral ham my wife cooked for a big batch of split pea soup.  Two batches, actually.  Most the ham into the stovetop batch.  Bone in the slow-cooker batch, hoping to get all the marrow & such out of it over 8 hours.

OK, got some of hte stove top batch.  Pretty good and very easy to make.

[K Frame]

I'm Pennsylvania German and grew up in farm country.  I know how to handle a meat cleaver. :D

[K Frame]

Alton Brown had a recipe for stuffing a bird.

It's complicated bullshit.

My method is better, easier,  and also prevents food poisoning.

I'm an Alton Brown fan boy.  But he doesn't have all the answers.

[mtnbkr]

I am deep frying a spiral ham. It comes out like a bacon pinecone

Need moar detailz please.

Chris

[cassandra and sara's daddy]

You use one of those mesh tubes butchers use on on boneless
roasts and deep fry till it's a lil crispy on outside.
It taste a lot like bacon only sweeter. Best to get a real quality ham, no water added. I use honey baked ham for a source
It may in fact be the best way to simulate a bacon overdose. Sweet morte


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[charby]

I like stuffing/dressing. But the last few turkeys I have stuffed with a mix of saur kraut, apples, onions, caraway seeds.  Makes for a very moist bird and the family loves the kraut.  We do stuffing on the side with the giblets, neck, and tail.

That sounds pretty good, might be really good with a stronger meat like wild duck.

Got a recipe or are you like me, just make it from memory?

[zxcvbob]

2 birds, one of them extra-large.  Have the butcher cut the big one in half lengthwise with a bandsaw (just like Solomon.)  Cook all three ways.

It would make sense to use one of the halves for the stuffing thing, but you probably won't win that.

BTW, if you roast a turkey (without stuffing) in a Bigass® electric roaster, it comes out moist and tender even if you overcook it, and you get lots of juice in the pan to make the dressing as gloppy as you want -- just like it was cooked inside the bird, but without the ptomaine.

[Jocassee]

you people, with all your drama and stress.

ha!

here's how you do it. you go about and get yourself invited to assorted holiday meals. you pick your favorites and then proceed to get yourself invited back next year.

if the food is excellent, but the company is substandard, make out like your going to starve but that you can't attend due to whatever obligation. enjoy the generous portions of food they insist you take home.

stress free holidays. I love me. :)

This right here. Although it's easier when you're single.

The winter I had my *ahem* legal issue and was out on bond, I wasn't supposed to leave the state. My parents, not believing in attachment parenting up to the age of 25, had left me to fend for myself while they went to see relatives.

I put on my best puppydog face and let it be known around town that I was needing nourishment over Christmas weekend.

I was not disappointed.

[SADShooter]

That is both cooking and marital advice!!

With that in mind, what would happen if a bird was both smoked and fried? Timing issues? I know if I stumbled on such an undertaking I would never hear the end of that!

I'm thinking kiss it with cold smoke, then finish it to temp in the fryer. Let the thermometer be your guide. A little more time for a satisfying product.

[K Frame]

"BTW, if you roast a turkey (without stuffing) in a Bigass® electric roaster, it comes out moist and tender even if you overcook it, and you get lots of juice in the pan to make the dressing as gloppy as you want -- just like it was cooked inside the bird, but without the ptomaine."

Couple of T-givings ago one of those electric Nesco-style roasters saved Thanksgiving for my family when the main element in the oven crapped out literally seconds after the Lowes store in town closed for the holiday.

But, I'm not crazy about them. Part of good gravy making is the fond that develops in the roasting pan of an oven roasted bird.

And, adding juice to the stuffing AFTER the fact is, well, useless.... You need the double layer of roasted-in-the-bird goodness along with gravy.

And, as I said, I have a simple way of having my bird-roasted stuffing AND not getting sicker than all hell.

All you need is a meat thermometer and the ability to read it.

[wmenorr67]

Remember being a single barracks rat being invited over to the homes of the married folk in the unit. 

When in Korea I volunteered for duty on the holidays so those with families could be with them.  They always took care of us in the food department.

[mtnbkr]

You use one of those mesh tubes butchers use on on boneless
roasts

I'm drawing a blank here.  What is that and where do you get it?

Chris

[BobR]

I get mine at work  .

It is a tubular net bandage, I am sure butchers use the exact thing and only get charged 1/4 the price we do. You may be able to walk into the store and just ask them for a piece to take home. Tell them what it is for and they will give you the right size.



bob

[K Frame]

More importantly, most of those are made of one or another kind of plastics these days. Will they stand up to boiling oil?

[BobR]

That's a good question, I know the medical ones are fiber (cotton?) of some type. I would imagine the food grade are also.

bob

[Jamisjockey]

Fried my first turkey(s) last year.
Amazing. 


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[K Frame]

That's a good question, I know the medical ones are fiber (cotton?) of some type. I would imagine the food grade are also.

bob

The food grade ones I'm finding one line are almost universally elasticized polyester.

[BobR]

^^^

That probably wouldn't work too well in the ole turkey fryer. I have used to medical ones from work for a lot of different foods including roasting at pretty high temps so they will work.

bob

[Chuck Dye]

Cotton is available.

http://www.butcher-packer.com/index.php?main_page=index&cPath=22_78&zenid=eb7d7f7eafd8b8793cb1c4aa6abc044a