Cut-off date for the term "Childhood" is...? ;P
Story goes at 9 months I was walking, by age 9.5 months I had already developed the ability to not only run, but to end up in the darndest places.
About a year old or so and Mom and I are on the train to Houston. Mom fell asleep, I wondered back to the Caboose. Not sure how I got thru all them cars, but I must have figured out something. There is something about the way a Conductor asks " Ma'am is this your kid?". Seems Mom has been asked that a lot over the years...
About age 3 Story goes Grandma and Mom were hanging out clothes, I again decided to check out the neighborhood. About 4 blocks away is a real busy 4 lane. I saw a cute puppy across that road, and I had seen the Safety Patrol at the school just hold up a hand to signal "Stop". So I wander out in the road and hold my little hand to signal Stop. 18 wheelers hitting air brakes, cars just a honking, tires squealing...Somebody called my Mom and Grandma - "It that your kid..." I didn't get to play with the puppy very long...
3 is also when I decided to wonder off in the bank. I wanted to check out the cool looking vault. There I was behind the locked gate [ I pulled it to, like I was taught to do with gates] just having a good time using the pencils and deposits slips drawing. I see the bank guard on the other side of locked gate pointing at me " Ma'am is that your kid?" Mom was not impressed with the picture I drew for her for some reason...
Mom washed my pet horney toad. I could have told her horney toads could not swim, I had already checked this with my first pet toad during the rinse cyle one day. I manged to get that one out of the washer before she came back from the clothes line...why do moms have always be washing jeans when they finally get all comfy and all?
About 4 I noticed the cloth covered cord for the lamp was not fully plugged in. I had to go under the lamp table to fix this. ZAP! Well I banged my head, don't remember the lamp crashing, the Goldfish bowl crashing either. There I was amidst flopping fish, wet floor, broken glass when mom returned from getting the paper off the front lawn. I got the lamp plugged in tho'.
I later found the cloth electrical tape and proceeded to fix that cord but good...I learned early to unplug cords before working on electrical stuff...also learned not to use Grandma's good scissors to do electrical work either.
[ it is amazing the hedges survived all those years, I wish I had a nickel for every switch taken off them things. I hate hedges to this day...]
About 5 I wondered off at the State Fair, I wanted to pet the Bull. Do you realize how freaked out folks get to see a kid , who somehow gets into Bull Pen, standing there offering a bull cotton candy and petting his nose?
I wondered off again that night during the Show. I found lots of money under the bleachers. Cop ask my mom " Ma'am, this your kid?
About 6 I found out my bed was not a trampoline ( forget the fact Mom had told me this a million times...) I got 13 stitches in my head when the headboard hit my noggin...I mangaged to take a chunk of the wood out too.
About 7 I was at my Uncle's, it had rained for a few days before, he wanted to burn stuff in the burn bbl. Well he was concerned about the fire getting lit, maybe 2 gallons of Gas was a bit much. He tossed that match and WOOF! After he gave me that look...he busted out laughing.
For some reason his daughters ( my cousins) did not find the bugs I put in the almost empty jar of Peanut Butter as being funny. Got downright mad about me putting honey on the toliet seat too...
Again about 7 - I'd go down to the train tracks and visit with the Hobos. We would make Hobo Stew. I would take a can of something from the cabinet to toss in. Mom would get mad and come down and find me...
One day I had heard all the Hobo stories, I hopped a train and went for a ride. Hopped off, Hopped another one coming back. Really cool. Mom was looking for me everywhere, had called all the neighbors. I told her I went for a train ride, she to this day does not belive me. She thinks I went down the sewer - again - and wandered thru the sewer pipes to chase rats and shoot them with my slingshot...something else I used to do...
If she only knew how many more times I would hop a train...
Mean old Drunk in the Housing Projects was the recipient of many of my ...err...he deserved it. I was really good with a Slingshot. I must have been 10 when I shot and broke that Fifth of Old Crow out of his hand...tough shot too...he was swaying pretty good on the porch steps when I took that shot...
Cars back then did not require a ignition key, just left in the "on" postion. I moved his old Ford so many nights after he came in knee walking drunk - next day , all hung over , he would wander about trying to find his Ford.
I then learned to glue BB's in the valve caps, this lets the air out. He would air them back up - only to have them leak down again. See the BB depresses the valve when screwed back on. Real Puzzling, had the tires checked at the fillin' station, nothing wrong with the tires. I would watch them dunk his tires one by one into water...no bubbles. I finally told the guys at the station what I was doing. I mean they were my source for ball bearings for my slingshot...They were soooo proud of me.
I have used that little trick often thru the years...
I nailed his doors shut one night after he went in Drunk. HOT summer night, I then pulled the switch to cut off his electricity...
In HS , well, the phones back them were hardwired. So to make sure we didn't have to take a certain test, I glued the phone reciever down in the English Dept office. I went across the street at the fillin' station and dialed the number, and let it ring...
I had alread switched the locks on two English Class doors during lunch. Funny, we could not get into our class nor could the other class...door locks were not unlocking...all the while that phone keep ringing. I told the cool maint guy what I had done, he thought it was a great stunt. English teachers put off the test for the following Monday...
Funny how pine trees grow up in front and back of Karman Ghias in a matter of hours so a teacher cannot leave the School...that seem to happen often...
I didn't know it was illegal to fly under bridges in a crop duster...
I do know what is is like to crash land a Crop Duster - Twice this happened. BTW - do you realize how many snakes are in a rice paddy? Do you realize how it is to walk out of rice paddy?
Dirt Bikes do not float...I found the River tho'....
Ford trucks roll better than Malibus, and using a Toyota Celia to take down trees while rolling down a mountain is not recommended. Beats a head-on collision...
Not a good idea to drop Cyanide in the sink after using Nitric acid...you get this really funky brown cloud. All you can do is hit the exhaust fan and run like hell...
Elevators that drop 2 floors before the brakes catch will get your heart rate up...
Bulls get pissed if you hit golf balls into their pasture. TIP : make sure the gate is closed before 7 iron practice...
About 6 months ago I used the BB in the valve cap trick again. See the lady was gonna leave the abusive situation, the BG BF would get high and that is when she was gonna leave. To make sure he couldn't follow her, his tires would be pretty much flat by my timing...
She left, he never woke up, but his tires were in need of air so I am told when he did try to leave....
I'm 50 - so I ask again when does Childhood end? ;P
