The mix of opinions in the above replies are amazing.
"There's also the very real possibility that she's telling the truth, and they really were just friends. It's been known to happen."
Yes, Barbara, and my wife has many friends--many male friends--who I trust absolutely with her. In fact, I'd rather see her going out with those male friends than with most of her female friends. I trust those brothers, nephews, cousins, and "gay boys" to protect her better than most other males would. And I know there's not going to be any "hanky-panky."
Some posters have said that my wife had an affair. Others said they don't know. Others pronounced judgement on something that nobody other than my wife knows what happened, except for that ahole, and he went into hiding twenty-some years ago.
The best advice I've gotten is from those who said to just let it go. And that's where I'm going.
Barbara also brought up a point that nobody else did: that we're under stress. Barbara, you should start advertising yourself on TV as one of those live-psychic's, and make a million dollars.
Your point was right on the mark. Things are really bad, and I guess I'm trying to re-live the good times from twenty years ago, and the bad times float to the surface as well.
Maybe we all think that, upon reflection, the old times were just good times.
Whatever. The bad times were there, too.
Here's what I know: my wife and I have a good marriage, and there's nobody I've ever seen that I would leave her for. Not even close.
My best friend? Well, he was pretty well drunk when we were talking. It's a ritual with us every year or two or three: we get drunk and talk until 7am or later. He's the only person I can talk to about such sensitive subjects like this. Other than that, I can only write posts on obscure forums and get input from people who have no direct involvement, but have their own perspectives to draw upon. You folks contribute a lot, believe me.
And, again, about my best friend: we're both in our fifties, and it wasn't until the other night that he told me how much in love he was way back when with my wife. Or that he still has fantasies about her.
In other words, despite our lifelong friendship and my trust with him, he's just not a credible source. And, no, I know he never laid a finger on her. He knew then and knows now that doing so would mean real and serious pain, or worse.
Let this be the end of the discussion about what did or did not happen, because it just doesn't do any good to my wife or to me to dwell on the subject. It is what it is, or it is what it was not.
But let me clarify what seems to be a sticking point for some: my point about women and children, and the role of "men." To whit:
Both men and women suffer during a divorce. Plenty of emotions to pass around. It's been my experience, though, that there are guys who pick up on the woman's emotions and move in like vultures. I'd like to cut those guys' johnson's off and stake them to a tree. It's taking advantage of someone who is vulnerable.
Women in general make for lousy drunks. Women display their emotions more openly than do men (any arguements there?), and alcohol brings out emotions. A woman who's drunk is a billboard. I know I'll get some beef about this, but it's just what I've observed over the decades.
Let me give an example: at the concert we were at the other night, I got to talking with a very attractive intoxicated young woman in her 30's who is going through a divorce. We danced for a minute. We talked about her a***ole ex. I congratulated her on her freedom, and told her she'd have a better future.
She threw her arms around me and gave me a peck on the cheek. Then wandered off.
I told my wife about that; it was innocent, and she understood. And I also know with 90% certainty that, if I'd wanted to, even as an old fart in his fiftie's, I could have parlayed that moment into a "night."
The traditional role of the man has been to put food on the table. The current role of the "man" is to get what he can, and then cut and run.
"Women and children can be careless, but not men."
Until women such as Barbara, Tamara, Pax and others decided to take control of their own lives, I believe that was the case. Prior to that, most women were in Jeff Cooper's "Condition White." So were most men, but not to that extent.
Barbara, define a real "woman" however you want, and let me know your definitions.
My definition of a "man" revolves around his ability to provide for family, protect his wife and family, discern between right and wrong, live his life around a long-forgotten code of honor, and lay upon his deathbed before God and not have to say "I'm sorry."
My father is in his late 80's, and he is that kind of man. I can only hope that I can measure up to his stature.
