Author Topic: Environutjobs Want to Ban my Soft & Fluffy Toilet Paper  (Read 12669 times)

roo_ster

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Environutjobs Want to Ban my Soft & Fluffy Toilet Paper
« on: September 24, 2009, 11:38:35 AM »
They'll have to pry my soft & fluffy from my cold, dead, butt cheeks.





http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/09/23/AR2009092304711_pf.html

Environmentalists Seek to Wipe Out Plush Toilet Paper
Soft Toilet Paper's Hard on the Earth, But Will We Sit for the Alternative?


By David A. Fahrenthold
Washington Post Staff Writer
Thursday, September 24, 2009

ELMWOOD PARK, N.J. -- There is a battle for America's behinds.

It is a fight over toilet paper: the kind that is blanket-fluffy and getting fluffier so fast that manufacturers are running out of synonyms for "soft" (Quilted Northern Ultra Plush is the first big brand to go three-ply and three-adjective).

It's a menace, environmental groups say -- and a dark-comedy example of American excess.

The reason, they say, is that plush U.S. toilet paper is usually made by chopping down and grinding up trees that were decades or even a century old. They want Americans, like Europeans, to wipe with tissue made from recycled paper goods.

It has been slow going. Big toilet-paper makers say that they've taken steps to become more Earth-friendly but that their customers still want the soft stuff, so they're still selling it.

This summer, two of the best-known combatants in this fight signed a surprising truce, with a big tissue maker promising to do better. But the larger battle goes on -- the ultimate test of how green Americans will be when nobody's watching.

"At what price softness?" said Tim Spring, chief executive of Marcal Manufacturing, a New Jersey paper maker that is trying to persuade customers to try 100 percent recycled paper. "Should I contribute to clear-cutting and deforestation because the big [marketing] machine has told me that softness is important?"

He added: "You're not giving up the world here."

Toilet paper is far from being the biggest threat to the world's forests: together with facial tissue, it accounts for 5 percent of the U.S. forest-products industry, according to industry figures. Paper and cardboard packaging makes up 26 percent of the industry, although more than half is made from recycled products. Newspapers account for 3 percent.

But environmentalists say 5 percent is still too much.

Felling these trees removes a valuable scrubber of carbon dioxide, they say. If the trees come from "farms" in places such as Brazil, Indonesia or the southeastern United States, natural forests are being displaced. If they come from Canada's forested north -- a major source of imported wood pulp -- ecosystems valuable to bears, caribou and migratory birds are being damaged.

And, activists say, there's just the foolish idea of the thing: old trees cut down for the briefest and most undignified of ends.

"It's like the Hummer product for the paper industry," said Allen Hershkowitz, senior scientist with the Natural Resources Defense Council. "We don't need old-growth forests . . . to wipe our behinds."

The reason for this fight lies in toilet-paper engineering. Each sheet is a web of wood fibers, and fibers from old trees are longer, which produces a smoother and more supple web. Fibers made from recycled paper -- in this case magazines, newspapers or computer printouts -- are shorter. The web often is rougher.

So, when toilet paper is made for the "away from home" market, the no-choice bathrooms in restaurants, offices and schools, manufacturers use recycled fiber about 75 percent of the time.

But for the "at home" market, the paper customers buy for themselves, 5 percent at most is fully recycled. The rest is mostly or totally "virgin" fiber, taken from newly cut trees, according to the market analysis firm RISI Inc.

Big tissue makers say they've tried to make their products as green as possible, including by buying more wood pulp from forest operations certified as sustainable.

But despite environmentalists' concerns, they say customers are unwavering in their desire for the softest paper possible.

"That's a segment [of consumers] that is quite demanding of products that are soft," said James Malone, a spokesman for Georgia-Pacific. Sales figures seem to make that clear: Quilted Northern Ultra Plush, the three-ply stuff, sold 24 million packages in the past year, bringing in more than $144 million, according to the market research firm Information Resources Inc.

Last month, Greenpeace announced an agreement that it said would change this industry from the inside.

The environmental group had spent 4 1/2 years attacking Kimberly-Clark, the makers of Kleenex and Cottonelle toilet paper, for getting wood from old-growth forests in Canada. But the group said it is calling off the "Kleercut" campaign: Kimberly-Clark had agreed to make its practices greener.

By 2011, the company said, 40 percent of the fiber in all its tissue products will come from recycled paper or sustainable forests.

"We could have campaigned forever," said Lindsey Allen, a senior forest campaigner with Greenpeace. But this was enough, she said, because Kimberly-Clark's changes could alter the entire wood-pulp supply chain: "They have a policy that . . . will shift the entire way that tissue companies work."

Still, some environmental activists said that Greenpeace should have pushed for more.

"The problem is not yet getting better," said Chris Henschel, of the Canadian Parks and Wilderness Society, talking about logging in Canada's boreal forests. He said real change will come only when consumers change their habits: "It's unbelievable that this global treasure of Canadian boreal forests is being turned into toilet paper. . . . I think every reasonable person would have trouble understanding how that would be okay."

That part could be difficult, because -- in the U.S. market, at least -- soft is to toilet paper what fat is to bacon, the essence of the appeal.

Earlier this year, Consumer Reports tested toilet paper brands and found that recycled-tissue brands such as Seventh Generation and Marcal's Small Steps weren't unpleasant. But they gave their highest rating to the three-ply Quilted Northern.

"We do believe that you're going to feel a difference," said Bob Markovich, an editor at Consumer Reports.

Marcal, the maker of recycled toilet paper here in New Jersey, is trying to change that with a two-pronged sales pitch. The first is that soft is overrated.

"Strength of toilet paper is more important, for obvious reasons," said Spring, the chief executive, guiding a golf cart among the machinery that whizzes up vast stacks of old paper, whips it into a slurry, and dries it into rolls of toilet paper big enough for King Kong. He said his final product is as strong as any of the big-name brands. "If the paper breaks during your use of toilet paper, obviously, that's very, very important."

The second half of the pitch is that Marcal's toilet paper is almost as soft as the other guy's anyway.

"Handle it like you're going to take care of business," company manager Michael Bonin said, putting this reporter through a blind test of virgin vs. recycled toilet paper. Two rolls were hidden in a cardboard box: the test was to reach in without looking and wad them up, considering the "three aspects of softness," which are surface smoothness, bulky feel and "drapability," or lack of rigidity.

The reporter wadded. The officials waited. The one on the right felt slightly softer.

That was not the answer they wanted: The recycled paper was on the left.



If they ban my soft & fluffy, I'll get some spotted owls to wipe my arse with.
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seeker_two

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Re: Environutjobs Want to Ban my Soft & Fluffy Toilet Paper
« Reply #1 on: September 24, 2009, 12:13:37 PM »
I say we TP the Greenpeace HQ....  =D
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Re: Environutjobs Want to Ban my Soft & Fluffy Toilet Paper
« Reply #2 on: September 24, 2009, 12:18:45 PM »
Why not just switch to spotted owls? =D
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Re: Environutjobs Want to Ban my Soft & Fluffy Toilet Paper
« Reply #3 on: September 24, 2009, 12:23:03 PM »
Remember, they want to stop your access to it.

They'll still be the ones "responsible enough" to use the soft tissue. Like they are the only ones "responsible enough" to drive SUVs and fly in bizjets. Or the only ones "responsible enough" to have redwood decks. Kind of like that DEA that was the the only one "professional enough".



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HankB

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Re: Environutjobs Want to Ban my Soft & Fluffy Toilet Paper
« Reply #4 on: September 24, 2009, 12:32:57 PM »
There was a time when you'd only see things like this in places like The Onion, but these environuts are becoming almost a parody of themselves.

Quote
"That's a segment [of consumers] that is quite demanding of products that are soft," said James Malone, a spokesman for Georgia-Pacific.
Probably frequency of use has something to do with it, coupled with the increasing popularity of ethnic restaurants with a Third World heritage . . .
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Re: Environutjobs Want to Ban my Soft & Fluffy Toilet Paper
« Reply #5 on: September 24, 2009, 01:08:08 PM »
Mark my words, Odin as my witness. If my soft and fluffy toilet paper goes away, I'm gonna start wiping with hippies. On second thought, that wouldn't be very sanitary. I'll go over to the CEO of the tp company, and use his tablecloth, instead.
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mellestad

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Re: Environutjobs Want to Ban my Soft & Fluffy Toilet Paper
« Reply #6 on: September 24, 2009, 01:43:10 PM »
I never understood this aspect of the green movement, it isn't like they are chopping down old growth forest to make Redwood TP or something.  Most paper products are either from tree-farms or waste products from other lumber operations aren't they?

These people (and PETA) are the liberal equivalent of a conservative survivalist huddled in his basement bomb shelter waiting for his militia buddy's to come over for MRE's and target practice.

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Re: Environutjobs Want to Ban my Soft & Fluffy Toilet Paper
« Reply #7 on: September 24, 2009, 02:02:24 PM »
The hippies won't be happy till every last human is dead, only then will we be having a small enough impact on the environment.
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Re: Environutjobs Want to Ban my Soft & Fluffy Toilet Paper
« Reply #8 on: September 24, 2009, 02:11:19 PM »
it isn't like they are chopping down old growth forest to make Redwood TP or something.
Well they should!  I'd buy that.

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Re: Environutjobs Want to Ban my Soft & Fluffy Toilet Paper
« Reply #9 on: September 24, 2009, 05:16:30 PM »
"Save the Trees" makes about as much sense as "Save the Corn" or "Save the Soybeans".

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Re: Environutjobs Want to Ban my Soft & Fluffy Toilet Paper
« Reply #10 on: September 24, 2009, 05:45:39 PM »
It will never fly, this country just doesn't produce enough corn cobs.
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Re: Environutjobs Want to Ban my Soft & Fluffy Toilet Paper
« Reply #11 on: September 24, 2009, 05:52:02 PM »
There is no oppression.
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Re: Environutjobs Want to Ban my Soft & Fluffy Toilet Paper
« Reply #12 on: September 24, 2009, 06:21:18 PM »
This is my favoritist part.   :lol:

Quote
Toilet paper...together with facial tissue...accounts for 5 percent of the U.S. forest-products industry, according to industry figures. Newspapers account for 3 percent.

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Re: Environutjobs Want to Ban my Soft & Fluffy Toilet Paper
« Reply #13 on: September 24, 2009, 06:31:31 PM »
I really hope at least one person they interviewed about this said "I don't give a s#!t."  =D
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Re: Environutjobs Want to Ban my Soft & Fluffy Toilet Paper
« Reply #14 on: September 24, 2009, 07:52:17 PM »
"Save the Trees" makes about as much sense as "Save the Corn" or "Save the Soybeans".



Quote
Environmentalists Seek to Wipe Out Plush Toilet Paper
Soft Toilet Paper's Hard on the Earth, But Will We Sit for the Alternative?

By David A. Fahrenthold
Washington Post Staff Writer
Thursday, September 24, 2009
...Felling these trees removes a valuable scrubber of carbon dioxide, they say. If the trees come from "farms" in places such as Brazil, Indonesia or the southeastern United States, natural forests are being displaced. If they come from Canada's forested north -- a major source of imported wood pulp -- ecosystems valuable to bears, caribou and migratory birds are being damaged
...

When it comes to the "southeastern United States" that is especially true. Paper companies in the southeast (and as far west as at least east Texas) have been replanting on tree farms faster than they cut down for at least fifty years now, probably more like 100. The same is true in Maine (and I suspect based on similar economies in much of New Hampshire and Vermont). It is simple economics that neatly planted new growth rows of pulpwood is much more efficiently harvested than old growth wood.



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Stand_watie

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Re: Environutjobs Want to Ban my Soft & Fluffy Toilet Paper
« Reply #15 on: September 24, 2009, 07:58:46 PM »
There was a time when you'd only see things like this in places like The Onion, but these environuts are becoming almost a parody of themselves.
Probably frequency of use has something to do with it, coupled with the increasing popularity of ethnic restaurants with a Third World heritage . . .

How about a (not quite obvious) parody piece encouraging people to use their pets licking them clean as an alternative to toilet paper to pit the PETA wackos against the envirowackos?
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Re: Environutjobs Want to Ban my Soft & Fluffy Toilet Paper
« Reply #16 on: September 24, 2009, 08:04:48 PM »
This thread reminds me of the Penn and Teller Bullsh*t episode on recycling.  California Hippie Wife who was interviewed said, while holding up a package of toilet paper made from recycled paper (wrapped in plastic  :lol:), "This is the toilet paper preferred by trees."

To which Penn replied "That's not true, most trees don't even have asses."

Sorry if my post doesn't add any substance to the topic, but you have to admit that's pure comedy gold!  :lol: :lol: :lol:

MicroBalrog

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Re: Environutjobs Want to Ban my Soft & Fluffy Toilet Paper
« Reply #17 on: September 24, 2009, 08:33:02 PM »
How about a (not quite obvious) parody piece encouraging people to use their pets licking them clean as an alternative to toilet paper to pit the PETA wackos against the envirowackos?

You do realize that wiping one's bottom with live ducklings is something that has been brought up in classical literature, right?
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Re: Environutjobs Want to Ban my Soft & Fluffy Toilet Paper
« Reply #18 on: September 24, 2009, 08:36:46 PM »
Quote
Toilet paper is far from being the biggest threat to the world's forests: together with facial tissue, it accounts for 5 percent of the U.S. forest-products industry,

What percentage of this is accounted for by the wimminfolk?
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Re: Environutjobs Want to Ban my Soft & Fluffy Toilet Paper
« Reply #19 on: September 24, 2009, 08:39:30 PM »
After we make the switch it wont be just the libs hearts that are bleeding  =D
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Re: Environutjobs Want to Ban my Soft & Fluffy Toilet Paper
« Reply #20 on: September 24, 2009, 08:40:03 PM »
What percentage of this is accounted for by the wimminfolk?

 :lol:  I have a wife and two daughters, and we go through as much TP in a month as I did in a year when I was single.

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Re: Environutjobs Want to Ban my Soft & Fluffy Toilet Paper
« Reply #21 on: September 24, 2009, 08:58:35 PM »
You do realize that wiping one's bottom with live ducklings is something that has been brought up in classical literature, right?

     Are the live ducklings then just callously disposed of? Or handed over to a motherly Golden Retriever to clean up for re-use in the envirowacko approved manner? (note to self regarding all the past times I have picked up a baby duck and rubbed it's soft feathers against my cheek....DON'T DO ANYMORE!)
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Re: Environutjobs Want to Ban my Soft & Fluffy Toilet Paper
« Reply #22 on: September 24, 2009, 09:00:09 PM »
No, the idea is - per Rabelais - that the live ducklings will then go and dunk themselves in water,  given they're about as enthused about being covered in crap as you would be, and then, after they're clean, you can re-use them.
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Re: Environutjobs Want to Ban my Soft & Fluffy Toilet Paper
« Reply #23 on: September 24, 2009, 09:03:21 PM »
...

When it comes to the "southeastern United States" that is especially true. Paper companies in the southeast (and as far west as at least east Texas) have been replanting on tree farms faster than they cut down for at least fifty years now, probably more like 100. The same is true in Maine (and I suspect based on similar economies in much of New Hampshire and Vermont). It is simple economics that neatly planted new growth rows of pulpwood is much more efficiently harvested than old growth wood.


You can add  Blandin Paper in northern MN to that list too. They plant Norway Pines in nice neat rows, clear out about half of them when the trunks are 4-6" in diameter and harvest the rest when they are 8-10", leaving a couple per acre of the biggest trees still standing and start the process all over.
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Re: Environutjobs Want to Ban my Soft & Fluffy Toilet Paper
« Reply #24 on: September 24, 2009, 09:03:30 PM »
There's a joke in here somewhere about a bear asking a rabbit a certain question...   =D
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