Protective order likely to set off a violent nut?

[Stand_watie]

The drama continues (sigh).

My ex's ex-boyfriend (he doesn't know he's 'ex' yet, as she hasn't spoken with him since) is now in jail for d. violence against his 80 year old mom with a heart condition, DWI, and assault on a police officer while he was being picked up.

She thinks he's gone crazy. I think he's been crazy right along.

Anyway, she's naturally worried, and receiving advice on getting a protective order from all and sundry. She's concerned about doing it however, as she read a book called the 'gift of fear' that suggests restraining orders may set nut jobs off.

She lives here. I'm not concerned about our safety when I'm here, as I have the inclination and the means to effectively protect us, but if a protective order is issued it would make arrest and prosecution a more clear cut thing.

Opinions?

[Headless Thompson Gunner]

Is she interested in carrying a weapon with which to defend herself?  If not, then it may be wise to avoid anything that could precipitate a confrontation.

[K Frame]

My opinion?

Her boyfriend, her problem.

No offense, but it sounds like she's screwed you over royally and done more than her fair share of crap designed to make your life as unpleasant as possible lately.

Why are you still worrying about her problems?

[Guest]

If he is the guy who is going to violently off the handle, then it is just a matter of time, restraining order or no. Filing the order gives her some amount of control over where and when it will happen, and it also allows her to preemptively intervene during his escalations.

Also, +1 to everything Mike Irwin said, give her your advice, then cut the cord and go about your life.

[jefnvk]

If not, then it may be wise to avoid anything that could precipitate a confrontation

Even if she is, it is still wise to avoid anything that could precipitate a confrontation.

[Tallpine]

Why was she hanging around this guy in the first place ....?

[grampster]

Well he's assaulted his 80 year old mother who has a heart condition.  Then he's caught DWI and fights the po po.  This guy does not have much going for him other than the fact that he's a psychopath.  You can't reason with a person like this because his entire focus is upon himself to the exclusion of everything that should be sacred. (his mother?, for land sake?)

Your ex is dragging you into her mud bath.  I sort of agree with Mike.  She has made some bad decisions, but she is the mother of your Treasure.  Your ex needs to break all ties with this guy.   That means moving and getting a new job.  She needs to drop out of his sight, permanently.   Too bad for her, but no one said fairness is in any way connected to reality.  Perhaps you may have some vague obligation to help her do that.

Your responsibility otherwise is to see to the protection of your family if your ex is within your bailiwick and the goblin comes around.  I'd suggest you get a court order keeping him away from your domicile.  You are then on stronger grounds if he comes around and you need to take steps to protect your family.  This may misdirect his anger toward you rather than her, but you are better prepared to deal with him.  Not really good advice, but reality dictates dealing with measures that are not tasteful at times.

[280plus]

The protective order becomes a record of the fact that you have reason to fear for your safety if the nut comes around. It will not stop him and may even trigger him off but with said record on file it is one more leg to stand on should you have to use force to protect yourself and it goes to trial.

But I go along with the other folks here. Her problem not yours. Avoid it like the plague.

[K Frame]

*expletive deleted*it, I forgot that there was a kid involved.

Her association with this loser might be justification for you to have any custody arrangements revisited.

[Sylvilagus Aquaticus]

I can't do much more than strongly agree with Grampster, Mike, and 280 on their excellent, well-met points. Paper trails are your friend if the reprobate comes a'callin' in the middle of the night and gets a mug full of birdshot at your threshold.

You might consult your best attorney for advice on some manner of joint and several order with intention of keeping him away should he (and most likely is) get out on bond.  It puts teeth, albeit small ones, where there are already some smallish ones to begin with.  Yes, it will infuriate a nutjob. It makes most rational people irritated. Any person who strikes an old person, let alone their mother, is as imbalanced as a V-6 hitting on 4 random cylinders.  If your ex does follow a wiser path and put an order against him, it would likely make your case for full custody stronger.  

I would be sure to not mention that aspect to her.

BTW, I don't put a lot of faith in Gavin DeBecker.  I prefer Bill Jordan's philosopy considerably more, as it's not so 'fluffy', I'll call it.  

When's the last time you rekeyed your locks on the house, anyway?  

Regards,
Rabbit.

[Stand_watie]

When's the last time you rekeyed your locks on the house, anyway?  

Regards,
Rabbit.

I'm bringing home some steel plate from work tonight to reinforce the doors themselves.

[Sylvilagus Aquaticus]

Splendid idea.  

Regards,
Rabbit.

[280plus]

They sell a nice metal reinforcement plate that goes around the edge of the door an encases the locking mechanism. Prevents kick ins. If you have a chain or similar device as back up use the biggest screws you can to hold it in place. Those puny screws they sell with them are useless. Rig your windows so they can only be opened about 3". A large nail in the window frame works well. The idea is to make him have to make noise to get in and give you some warning time to react.

[LadySmith]

Yes, a protective order is very likely set off a violent nut. He expects his actions to be kept "within the family," meaning he should be allowed to kick, beat, stab, pulverize anyone related to him through blood or personal interest with impunity. He considers calling the police cheating, like calling in reinforcements. He will consider a protecive order a declaration of war. He will have no qualms going after your ex, your child and you to get to her. You're not people, just objects in a game he wants to win at all costs.
Get the order, clean your guns and believe nothing he says or does. Consider your ex a dangerous traitor if she goes back to him. It's about you and your Treasure now. Perhaps it always has been.

[K Frame]

"steel plate to reinforce the door..."

Which is fine if someone tries to kick the door in.

Are you sure that the ex hasn't given the violent BF a key to the house?

All the steel reinforcement in the world is worthless if someone has a key.

The day my ex moved out, I changed the locks on the doors. Holy crap was she pissed. She said that she was still on the deed as an owner of the home.

I countered with the point that I was still on the marriage certificate as her husband, but that that didn't seem to mean a lot.

[matis]

I'm with Ladysmith all the way.  Excellent analysis and advice.

And yes, DO reinforce doors, windows and see to you locks.

Is it possible to alarm the approaches to your house?



Best wishes,




matis

[280plus]

Good point on the locks...

[K Frame]

Better yet, get the ex the hell out of your house.

[charby]

She lives here. I'm not concerned about our safety when I'm here, as I have the inclination and the means to effectively protect us, but if a protective order is issued it would make arrest and prosecution a more clear cut thing.

Opinions?

Yeah what Mike said, get the ex outta your house or you move. Just don't be living under the same roof as her.

-C

[Sylvilagus Aquaticus]

Claymores.

[K Frame]

Clay Mores...

Weren't he and Randolph Scott the original Brokeback Mountain Cowboys?

[Strings]

[Blazing Saddles moment]
Randolph Scott?!!
[/Blazing Saddles moment]

[Stand_watie]

I'm with Ladysmith all the way.  Excellent analysis and advice.

And yes, DO reinforce doors, windows and see to you locks.
Is it possible to alarm the approaches to your house?
Best wishes,
matis

Already seen to the locks. The door that opens inward is getting a steel bar that sets into u plates lagged into the studs. The door that opens outward has now had 3/8 steel strips sandwiching it with 1/2 carriage bolts and is getting a heavy duty chain (like a towing chain, rather than like a motel room chain) lagged into a stud.

I've got a couple of driveway alarms in the mail for the driveway and front pasture, as well as the four footed alarms. Nimrod (see this thread http://www.armedpolitesociety.com/viewtopic.php?id=2834) and his 30-06 and pack of hounds are keeping an eye on one side approach and the rear. I don't see any realistic way to guard the pasture on the other approach unless I can talk that farmer into trading his nice old bull for a mean bastard.

[280plus]

With all this locking down, don't forget to leave ways for ESCAPE in an emergency. Especially a fire emergency!

[Guest]

When I was camping as a child I learned that the best way to keep bears out of your tent was to keep the food outside. You might want to consider that as part of your security planning...