Hmmm... What to do...

[Newt]

OK, first off, let me explain to you my situation, so you can better understand.  I'll be getting married in a couple months.  Mid August is the plan.  She is still in school (local university).  She will be finishing up next May with a degree in Biology.  I attended a local community college and have a 2-year associates degree as of now.  I am currently working full-time.

She's agreed that she will need to work when she gets out of school, but has very clearly stated that if/when we have children, she will want to stay home with them.  I don't have a problem with this, but as of right now, I don't make enough money to support three heads; barely two.  I would like her to work from graduation day on, but I understand her wanting to stay home with our children.

I've mentioned something to her about me returning to school.  I would love to, but the only problem with that is that I have to work full time to make the bills.  She said she would work to put me through school (four-year degree) when she gets out, which would probably work out fine.  There are problems with this plan, but I guess we'll work them out as they come up.

That's the current "five-year plan", but our situation could very easily change over the next five years.  It seems to me that the majority of families now-a-days have both husband and wife working.  My parents both worked, and that's just always the way I figured it would be with me.  It just seems like it would be hard to make it today on a single income.  What was your income situation?  Does your spouse work or are you living on a single income?  Did you have any problems when you were first married?  Any other advice or comments?

[TarpleyG]

If you aren't living above your means, you can make it on one income.  I'll give you an example of my situation.  There is a lot I can give up so my wife can stay home once we have kids.  First off, we plan to move to NC which has a cheaper COL than here in South Florida.

-We have 2 car payments right now, $1000 month.  My wife's truck will be paid off in December.
-My wife had two accidents in 2002 that resulted in us having a more than $400 a month insurance bill.  That'll be $200 or more less in August since the wrecks will be off her record by then.
-DirecTV, $60 or so a month.
-DSL premium - $60 or so a month.
-2 cell phones - $120 a month.
-Eating lunch/dinner out - sometimes as much as $400-$500 a month but we have cut back recently.
-other small stuff that we don't have to do/have.

Get rid of the two car payments and add another $200 a month for the insurance reduction, there's $1200 a month right there.  Stop eating out as much and add another few hundred to that.  We could probably get by on what I make if we did that but we don't need to right away.  You can do it, there's always a way, just don't live beyond your means.

Greg

[client32]

My wife stopped working when we had our first child.  As a side note, my experience with having a full time parent for the kids has been great.

We have a house payment and car payment.  

My suggestion would be:
If you can make it through school without loans that would help a lot.
Try to get the stuff paid off while you are both working. I realize the house will most likely be there, but if you don't have to pay for a car, it is easier.
Don't spend the money just because you have it.
Try to live on what you expect to live on before you have to do it.  Save the rest or use it to lower a payment somewhere.

Our first kid kinda snuck up on us, and I started grad school.  I was (and still is, but hopefully about to get better) tough. I think it is pretty easy to live on one income.  Greg gave some good suggestion.  I think living within your means is the best advise.  It will take a little sacrifice, ie not the newest car or biggest house, but it will be worth it.

[DigMe]

I know a lot of families in which one parent stays home with the kids.  It's very common.  My wife is a resident at a local family practice residency program.  While residents are physicians, you do not make a lot of money while in the three year residency.  Depending on the program many don't make that much more than teachers.   Still though a lot of them have spouses that do not work and they seem to make it just fine.  

It sounds like you are not very settled about the idea of her staying home.  There could be many reasons for this but maybe you feel like that's a lot of pressure to be the sole provider.  I'd say just take a look at what exactly you want to go back to school for.  Make good decisions in that area so that you can end up with an education or training that can lead to a fairly stable career that pays well.  I'm not against wives working but I think that the benefits to your children of having one parent home with them in the early years will be worth the sacrifice of not making as much money.  Maybe after the kids start school she could teach part time or become a teacher or something so she's mostly home when the kids are.  

Either way you two need to discuss this and be SURE that you reach an agreement that you are both comfortable with.  

brad cook

[Newt]

Thanks for the reply guys.

As for living within my means...  I already have a house.  I bought a fixer-upper in late 2003 and have done the majority of remodeling myself.  It's plenty big enough for the two of us, plust one or two more.  The payments are very reasonable and I even send an extra 50 bucks a month on the payment.  If times get tough, I can cut that extra out.  I have a pickup that has been paid off for a long time, but is on it's last leg.  I am going to try to find another one that I can just buy outright without having to make payments.  I think you could accurately describe me as "thrifty", so living beyond my means shouldn't be a problem.  She has a car payment, and her part time job pays that, but that's it.  If I can keep a part time job after she gets out of school and while I'm going back, that would be ideal for a while.

I think raising a kid would best be suited for a parent to be at home with them.  For the child's sake, I would probably be better off working two jobs so she can stay at home with him/her than both to be working full time and putting the kid in daycare.  Agreed?  Comments?

[DigMe]

I think raising a kid would best be suited for a parent to be at home with them.  For the child's sake, I would probably be better off working two jobs so she can stay at home with him/her than both to be working full time and putting the kid in daycare.  Agreed?  Comments?

You gotta do what you gotta do to support your family but at the same time the kid needs a father too!  

brad cook

[Stickjockey]

Agreed, to a point. I've seen quite a few people get burnt out working two jobs and never seeing their family. DigMe's right, as well; the kid needs a father, no matter what the NOW gang says.

My wife and I have it arranged so that I work full time, 0400-1300. She works part time, usually 1500/1600-2100. This gives us two hours in the middle of the day and Sundays off together. Not our ideal, but our kid stays out of daycare and we still get a bit of "family time."

[mtnbkr]

We're a single-income family in Northern Virginia and do just fine.  First, we got ourselves settled and  financially stable before we had our daughter.  Second, we live within our means.  We don't buy new cars and the car I put the most "town" miles on is one I paid cash for.  The "nicer" of the two vehicles is mainly for family trips and my wife to drive when I'm at work.  We don't have cable or satellite since most of what we watch comes in clearly via antenna.  We miss Food Network, History, etc, but can live without.  Having good PBS stations helps a lot.  We don't eat out a lot and don't buy a lot of "convenience" foods (precooked, premixed, etc).   We have DSL, but it's only $30 more per month than dialup.  Since I also use it for work, I get a tax deduction.  We buy a lot of store brand stuff at the grocery store, shop arounds for deals, etc.  

BTW, check out the cost of childcare before you decide you need two incomes.  Having one kid in daycare can eat up a modest paycheck in a hurry.  Around here, an infant will cost you $200/week in daycare alone.

BTW, don't let anyone tell you a child needs daycare to be properly "socialized".  It's nonsense.  Our daughter hasn't spent a minute in daycare and is one of the most generous and sociable kids her age you've ever seen.  How many toddlers have you seen share their toys voluntarily?

Do what's best for your kids and make your lifestyle fit your finances.  If you can't afford to have one parent at home, then put off starting a family until you can.  There's no rush and it's better to do it right the first time around.

Chris

[Guest]

I raise two kids on one income (no child support, etc.) It's tough, to be honest..the monthly stuff is ok, but when stuff breaks, a deer runs into you , the kids get sick, whatever. Save as much as you can while the two of you are both working. Live on one paycheck now and save as much of the other as you can.

For your wife, if she really feels she should stay home, I'd recommend she make sure she has the skills she would need to get a job if she had to..let's just say in case you get disabled or die (or end up being a horrible person she regrets ever meeting..but I digress!) If she can, she should volunteer, or take classes, or whatever she can to keep herself employable.

There is also the possibility of her finding work that she can do from home, such as medical transcription, or in home day-care, to help out with bills.

[Felonious Monk/Fignozzle]

Newt,

Congratulations on your upcoming marriage.  
1) I want to HEARTILY encourage you to re-read what Chris/mtnbkr wrote you.  He speaks wisdom.
2) Screw the politically correct soccer mommies who say you MUST have play-dates and a hectic schedule to groom a child into your show-pony.  Let them be kids.  Human BEings, not human DO-ings.  When children are actually provided the rare opportunity to be bored, they will become creative and self-sufficient.
3) Unless your wife is in a profession providing fairly high income (doctor/lawyer/engineer), she'll be working to pay daycare after you factor a second late-model vehicle, work wardrobe, lunches out, etc. etc. etc...ESPECIALLY once you've had a second child.

4) The only thing I can add that hasn't already been covered is the power of MONEY invested over TIME.  Before the kids come, begin the habit of paying yourself first by allocating money (even a small amount) into savings.  IF you start now, you can retire wealthy with VERY little impact to your current financial comfort.  If you are 20 years old and wish to retire at age 65 as a millionaire, one deposit of $13,719.21 at 10 per cent interest at age 20, allows you to be a millionaire at age 65.

Most of us would like to have a million dollars cash at some point in our life. Most of us also work 40+ hours a week at our job. What little amount we save can and will accumulate over the years, but the odds of reaching the 1 million mark is relatively small.
However, if we take the power of compound interest, then we can begin to realize our 1 million goal.

For instance, let's say you decide to invest 100.00 per month in an investment that yields 6% interest compounded monthly, for the next 30 years. In 30 years, you would have 100,451.50!
That's not too bad, considering you made 64,451.50 in interest. Now, let's say you kept that up another 10 years. You would then have 199,149.06 In 10 years, you almost double the value of your investment.

Wish I'd had someone point this out to me 25 years ago!
Fig

[client32]

It appears that you are well on your way to making it.  You will be fine.

I want to reinforce a couple of things that have been stated.
Your kid needs a father. --credit StickJockey  It really is amazing how much of an impact you can make with just 2 hours a day.  I have been able to see both sides of this with my own kid. (Grad school stated above)

Just about everything from mtnbkr's post.  My wife does a playgroup thing once a week.  That is about the only scheduled thing.  And that was started to give the mommies someone to talk to rather than the kiddos benefits.  Which reminds me, your wife will want to do something that gets her around grown-ups.  Help her with that.

my added $.02

[Werewolf]

I figured it would be with me.  It just seems like it would be hard to make it today on a single income.

Why is it that young people today believe that when starting out they should enjoy the same life style that they enjoyed while living with their parents.

Those parents took years to get where they're at. It takes time to rise to a point where your income can support two cars, a 4 bedroom house, a two week long annual vacation, etc, etc, etc.

As for both of you working after you have kids - all I've got to say is how selfish of you. Those babies need one of their parents at home with them until they're at least 4 and 5 or 6 is better.

You've got to decide now what is more important - life style or your children. If it's children then plan on living with one income until they at least get into school. Believe me those kids will rather have you around than that 2nd car or the boat or the big house. The most important thing to them is their parents - not what their parents own.

[Newt]

I didn't go to daycare as a child.  Now that I think about it, even with both of them working, they always figured out a way so that one could be home with us.  I went to work with my mom a lot, so I don't know what kind of effects daycare can have.  There was never a time when my parents didn't work, so I wasn't sure how it would work out with just one working.  That's why I came here -- to ask.

Quote:  "Why is it that young people today believe that when starting out they should enjoy the same life style that they enjoyed while living with their parents."   -Werewolf

That's just it.  My parents didn't nor do they have now the little extra cash to even help me out with my wedding.  Things were always tight around my house, but if I could go back, I wouldn't change a thing.  My parents, even today, pretty much just get by.  Not from poor decisions over the years, but from lack of education.  They both have to hump up to get what they have to have.  Sure, they were able to get all of the stuff I needed and even some stuff I didn't every once in a while, but just to set the record straight, I didn't enjoy whatever kind of spoiled-rich kid lifestyle you think I might have.  I started paying my own way in the 9th grade when I worked summertimes and weekends to get the stuff I wanted.  I'm sorry if I've come off as a spoiled-rich kid.  I've seen debt cause a lot of problems as I was growing up, so excuse me for not wanting the same for mine.

Thanks for all the advice folks.  I'm taking it all to heart.

[client32]

I don't think you are coming "off as a spoiled-rich kid."  It seems to me that you have a concern (a legitamite one in my opinion) and wanted some info.

You will make it.  You already know this, but $$$ != happiness.

[cfabe]

Newt, I'm probably about the same age as you and though I don't have a marriage pending, I did just graduate from school and am starting out on my own, and have given alot of thought to sound financial planning. I think with your modest upbringing and your foresight to think about this stuff now, you'll do just fine. Live within your means, don't worry about keeping up with the joneses, and take comfort that all of your friends living the big life on big debt will completely collapse financially if even a small setback happens. The only debt you should ever have is a house. Buy used cars with cash, something 2-3 years old still has lots of life left and will save you a bunch. If your girl has a car payment now, encourage her to pay it off as quickly as reasonably possible, and then save up for the next car in advance, instead.

Savings for retirement are crucial as previously mentioned, but make sure you maintain an emergency fund of at least a few month's pay, so in an emergency you don't have to use credit cards to finance medical bills or car repairs at ~20% interest, which can make it very difficult to get paid off. Most of the people who file for bankrupcy are in their situation because of one or a few sudden financial setbacks and not having reserves to cover it.

If you get all your finances in order and plan things out, I don't think you should have a problem maintaining your future family on one income.

[SteveS]

Some excellent advice, but ultimately you must do what the two of you think is best.  There will be no shortage of friends and relatives that will bombard you with advice as to what you should do.  The reality is that there are successful kids that come out of a variety of backgrounds and there is no single, perfect way to raise children, IMO.

My wife and I had planned on her staying home and raising our daughter and our long-term plans were based on this goal.  We had crunched the numbers, eliminated things we didn't need (cable, magazine subscriptions, eating out, etc) and found that we would just be scraping by.  This didn't bother me when I was young and single, but with a family, I felt that I needed to be able to set aside money in case of an emergency.  We had two choices...wait until my income went up, or have both of us work.  We decided not not wait.  I was 34 when my daughter was born.  This meant that she would have to go to day care.  My wife is a teacher, so she would only have to be in day care from morning to mid afternoon and not at all during the summer.

I just graduated from law school, so my income will be going up (hopefully) to the point that my wife can stay home.  We would have preferred that our daughter not go to day care, but I believe that, under the circumstances, we made the best decision for us.  FWIW, our daighter is healthy, happy, smart, and well adjusted.

I am not suggesting that you change your mind, just that if we kept waiting until things were just right, we may have never had children.  

One poster mentioned your wife having job skills.  My mother stayed home when my sister and I were little.  Unfortunately, my dad was laid off and was in a field that was experiencing very low demand.  My mom had to go back to work and ended up having to do this all the way up until I graduated.  

Good luch with whatever you decide.