Cutting off my wife (long)

[zxcvbob]

As you can see, you're not going to win this.  While you are trying to be all fair and nice about it, the clock is ticking and she still has access to bank accounts and credit.   So she can bankrupt you both, and by default you are the bad guy because "patriarchy". 

Since you are the villain anyway, just do what you gotta do.

After you lock everything down, try to find a Dave Ramsey "Financial Freedom" class (for both of you, even tho' you probably don't need it) and y'all also probably need a marriage counselor.  Good luck.

[charby]

My wife likes to spend money, well so do I but I'm a better saver.

We both work full time, have separate checking accounts/savings account/retirement accounts and we split the household bills according to our take home income. I make about 30% more than her, so I pay more $$ into common bills. We pay our own debts (credit cards, vehicles, vacations), we don't have any joint debts, that will probably change if we buy a house in our next move.

Occasionally we do pool money for a joint vacation envelope savings account.

We both got married when we were in our 30's so it was easier for us just manage out own money since we had lived independently for so long. This works for us.

[Boomhauer]

My wife likes to spend money, well so do I but I'm a better saver.

We both work full time, have separate checking accounts/savings account/retirement accounts and we split the household bills according to our take home income. I make about 30% more than her, so I pay more $$ into common bills. We pay our own debts (credit cards, vehicles, vacations), we don't have any joint debts, that will probably change if we buy a house in our next move.

Occasionally we do pool money for a joint vacation envelope savings account.

We both got married when we were in our 30's so it was easier for us just manage out own money since we had lived independently for so long. This works for us.

An ideal and very fair situation.

[Scout26]

Counseling.  The both of you, and now.  There's something driving her to this self destructive behavior.  Trust me, I know.  BTDT, got the Tee-Shirt.

The thing is shopping and buying release the "pleasure" brain chemicals.  So she's unhappy about something, and spends to make herself happy. 

And nothing you do will change it.  After paying off about $40k in credit card debt the third time, I had had enough.  She promised to change, she promised to stop spending and stop using credit cards.  Since I didn't pay the bills "The right way", she was going to be in charge of the money.  Fine.  I went "Cash Basis".   I carried no credit cards or debit bcards (can't use what you don't have).  They all were supposed to be locked in the file cabinet.  She had the check book, so I couldn't be accused of making anything bounce.  I packed my own lunches for work each day, unless I was being taken to lunch by a sales rep.  If I needed gas money, I had to ask her.  I carried $0 on me and would pride myself on how long I go without spending.  The only time I had the debit card was on Saturday when I went and bought groceries, from the list she made (many fights over "Why didn't you buy X?  "Because it wasn't on the list YOU made out.")

After ~4 years she had opened up three new charge cards, and run up the other two.  Total Credit Card debt: Over $85,000.    And not a dime of it was mine. 

Yeah, Counseling.  She has a problem and so do you.  If you think you can fix her or change it by putting her on an allowance, you are sadly mistaken.  All that will do is generate animosity between the two of you.   There's a problem and only by sitting down and talking with a outside, unbiased source will you figure out what it is and then be able to work together to solve it.  Any other course of action and you might as well hire attorneys and file for divorce right now.

Good luck.

[Neemi]

Another vote for counseling.

There's also a huge mommy blog world out there, if she'd like to use that as a support system of sorts. Either as a reader or a writer, it's a good way to keep lots of women (and men) accountable and involved. Maybe it could give her some ideas on things to save up for, too.

[Northwoods]

Another vote for counseling.  Tomorrow is 2 days overdue.

Any "solution" that doesn't get legitimate and total buy in from her is bound to fail. 

[Balog]

Scout is right. Overspending is a symptom, and addressing it without addressing the root cause is doomed to failure. You may not be a significant direct contributor to overspending, but I'd be willing to wager you are a very significant contributor to the root cause. And that's even being generous and assuming your previous commentary supporting husbands raping their wives was in fact just a bad joke.

Get help.

[T.O.M.]

Scout pointed to it, and I'm following up.  For (too) many people, spending is a pleasure activity.  I've seen people who use shopping/spending as a means of self-medicating for mental health issues, especially depression.  Not the "I'm feeling down" kind of depression, but clinical depression.  In addition to counseling, a trip to the doc may be in order, and a possible medication evaluation.  Clinical depression is something that can be treated well with medication, and it can also be something that is addressed through relatively short term medication use.  Definitely worth looking into.