Subject: Enlistment Oath

[280plus]

 Subject: Enlistment Oath


 US AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT
 "I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the
 UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army,
 because the Marines frighten me, and because I am afraid of water over
 waist-deep. I swear to sit behind a desk. I also swear not to do any
 form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike-riding test as a
 valid form of exercise. I promise to walk around calling everyone by
 their first name because I find it amusing to annoy the other services.
 I will have a better quality of life than those around me and will, at
 all times, be sure to make them aware of that fact. After completion of
 "Basic Training", I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating, Lazy-Boy
 sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, Chair-borne Ranger. I will
 believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean the
 knife before stabbing the next person in the back. I will annoy those
 around me, and will go home early every day. So Help Me God!"
 ____________________
 Signature
 ____________________
 Date
 US ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
 "I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my otherwise
 mediocre life to the UNITED STATES ARMY because I couldn't score high
 enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for
 the Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will
 wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I
 can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my
 uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date. I will continue to tell
 myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill Sergeant told
 me I am, despite the fact that the only action I will see is a
 court-martial for sexual harassment. I acknowledge the fact that I will
 make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is
 because I scored perfect on my PT test. After completion of my
 Sexual.....er.....I mean "Basic Training," I will attend a different
 Army school every other month and return knowing less than I did when I
 left. On my first trip home after Boot Camp, I will walk around like I
 am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay
 home because if I let her out she might leave me for a better-looking
 Air Force guy. Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to take
 her back. While at work I will maintain a look of knowledge while
 getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive to work every day
 at 1000 hrs because of morning PT and leave everyday at 1300 to report
 back to "COMPANY." I understand that I will undergo no training
 whatsoever that will help me get a job up! On separation, and will end
 up working construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to
 everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be
 unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam. So Help Me God!"

 _____________________
 Signature
 _____________________
 Date
 US NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
 "I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of
 my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY, because I want to hang out with
 Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the
 Air Force was too "corporate," because I didn't want to actually live in
 dirt like the Army, and because I thought, "Hey, I like to swim...why
 not?" I promise to wear clothes that went out of style in 1976 and to
 have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I
 understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor Man during summer
 and for Nazi Waffen SS during the winter. I will strive to use a
 different language than the rest of the English-speaking world, using
 words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, geedunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle and
 head," when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole
 in wall and toilet." I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy
 acronyms, rank, and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are
 completely different from the other services and make absolutely no
 sense whatsoever. I will muster, whatever that is, at 0700 every morning
 unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up
 around 0930. I vow to hone my coffee cup-handling skills to the point
 that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and
 still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently
 busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for
 Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly
 illegal, whims of my newfound "colleagues." So Help Me Neptune!"
 ______________________
 Signature
 ______________________
 Date
 US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT
 "I, (pick a name the police won't recognize),
 swear..uhhhh....high-and-tight.... grunt... cammies....kill....fix
 bayonets....charge....slash....dig....burn....blowup....ugh...Air Force
 women....beer.....sailors wives.....air strikes....yes
 SIR!....whiskey....liberty call....salute....Ooorah
 Gunny....grenades...women....OORAH! So Help Me Chesty PULLER!"
 X____________________
 Thumb Print
 XX _________________________________
 Teeth Marks

[grampster]

Being of fairly unsound mind, this is my last will and testament....

[Perd Hapley]

OK, the Army one made no sense to me. 

And what are blousing straps?  Some girlie crap that Marines wear to look pretty for one another? 

[Phantom Warrior]

Blousing straps, also called blousing cords, are used in place of tucking your pants legs into your boots.  You wrap it around your calf and tuck the cuff of your pants up under it.  The rest of the pants leg hangs down a little bit and your pants are properly bloused.

[Finch]

You know, I have worn pants for a long time and have never needs any kind of strap other than a belt. Government makes things to complicated...

[Jamisjockey]

Being of fairly unsound mind, this is my last will and testament....

So what exactly is your problem with the military?  They wouldnt take you, I take it.

[HankB]

One of my dad's younger cousins was in Korea - Army - and said that while the Army did the heavy lifting, the Marines had the press corps. They even made up a little ditty about this:

Those mighty fighting Leathernecks,
   wherever they may go,
they're always bringing up the rear,
   behind Bob Hope and the USO.

I guess more than one bar fight resulted. 

[Jamisjockey]

One of my dad's younger cousins was in Korea - Army - and said that while the Army did the heavy lifting, the Marines had the press corps. They even made up a little ditty about this:

Those mighty fighting Leathernecks,
   wherever they may go,
they're always bringing up the rear,
   behind Bob Hope and the USO.

I guess more than one bar fight resulted. 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operation_Chromite
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Chosin_Reservoir

But yeah, the Marines were always taking up the rear.
 

[grampster]

Being of fairly unsound mind, this is my last will and testament....

So what exactly is your problem with the military?  They wouldnt take you, I take it.

No, that was the prelude to 280's last will and testament for posting a humorous set of oaths that poke fun of the various branches of military.  To answer your questions, none and no again.  I was drafted just after the Gulf of Tonkin Resolution.  I was a police officer at the time.  At that time LE was deferred for job reasons.  At least that is what I was told.

[Jamisjockey]

Being of fairly unsound mind, this is my last will and testament....

So what exactly is your problem with the military?  They wouldnt take you, I take it.

No, that was the prelude to 280's last will and testament for posting a humorous set of oaths that poke fun of the various branches of military.  To answer your questions, none and no again.  I was drafted just after the Gulf of Tonkin Resolution.  I was a police officer at the time.  At that time LE was deferred for job reasons.  At least that is what I was told.

Okay I get it now.
 

[danny]

Hey 280,
You forgot to slander the National Guard and the Coast Guard.  Shouldn't be too hard....

[280plus]

Hey 280,
You forgot to slander the National Guard and the Coast Guard.  Shouldn't be too hard....

  Hey, I didn't write it, I figured a Coastie or the NG did.

It pokes just as much fun at my favorite branch as yours so I'm not seeing a problem. 

Besides, in my case, if I wanted to be picky, it was "Quarters" not "muster" and it was at 0800 not 0700. 

[Hawkmoon]

Blousing straps, also called blousing cords, are used in place of tucking your pants legs into your boots.  You wrap it around your calf and tuck the cuff of your pants up under it.  The rest of the pants leg hangs down a little bit and your pants are properly bloused.

Another sign of the decline of the Modern Military.

Blousing cords existed when I was in the Army. You could buy them in the PX. However, you were not allowed to actually USE them. The correct method back then WAS to tuck your trousers into the top of your boots. Unfortunately, it would appear that a significant percentage of today's all-volunteer Army don't possess sufficient hand-eye coordination to accomplish what we ignorant products of the inferior, involuntary servitude Army accomplished routinely, every single morning. (I was RA, to be honest, but most of my fellow soldados were draftees, and somehow we all managed to blouse our trou without blousing straps.)

[Jamisjockey]

Blousing straps, also called blousing cords, are used in place of tucking your pants legs into your boots.  You wrap it around your calf and tuck the cuff of your pants up under it.  The rest of the pants leg hangs down a little bit and your pants are properly bloused.

Another sign of the decline of the Modern Military.

Blousing cords existed when I was in the Army. You could buy them in the PX. However, you were not allowed to actually USE them. The correct method back then WAS to tuck your trousers into the top of your boots. Unfortunately, it would appear that a significant percentage of today's all-volunteer Army don't possess sufficient hand-eye coordination to accomplish what we ignorant products of the inferior, involuntary servitude Army accomplished routinely, every single morning. (I was RA, to be honest, but most of my fellow solados were draftees, and somehow we all managed to blouse our trou without blosuing straps>)

When I was a jarhead, our Uniform store actually carried some Army and airforce stuff.  Made life easier for those on TDY, liason duty, or local Recruiters.
Certainly not a comprehensive selection, but enough they could get by and order things that were more rarely used (like dress uniforms).

And, I'm sorry.  I love you Air Force guys, but in your blue dress you look like the good humor man....
 

I did just get word that my BIL and his wife will probably be here sooner, maybe may.
 

[Gewehr98]

I used the blousing bands, the velcro type.  I liked them, because they made for a professional appearance and kept that way all day long. 

(I, too, served in and retired from the volunteer military, just so Hawkmoon knows...)

[Uncle Bubba]

At least 280 is an equal-opportunity offender. All four major services took a hit.

About those blousing bands: I entered Army service and went to Infantry School in August 1981. My training cycle was the last to receive green fatigues, everyone after us was issued cammies. When I reported to my first assignment in Germany it was a mixed bag of uniforms, some had replaced all greens with camo, some refused to wear camo, calling them "newbie suits". At the time blousing bands were de riguer for green fatigues and cammies, but some soldiers started then tucking their trousers into their boots. To me it made the cammie pants look like jodhpurs, so I used the bands.

The biggest problem I saw, and had, was with those who treated their cammies like greens - starching, pressing, the whole parade ground bit - even though it was against regulations. Our Platoon Sergeant(I was in 2nd Platoon) wore cammies exclusively and rolled the top of the patrol cap, so some of did the same with our caps. When that Platoon Sergeant left for Brigade the Platoon Sergeant of First Platoon took it upon himself (he had a stiffy for 2nd Platoon for a reason we never figured out) to "correct" our daily dress, citing regulations against doing things like above that make the camo uniform "distinctive". He even took a couple of us into the Shirt's office for impromptu "counseling" about it one day. Imagine his chagrin when I pointed out the uniform transgressions of one of his squad leaders who was standing right outside in the hall, to wit: Starched and pressed camouflage uniform, parade blousers (the wide ones) in the pantslegs, and the piece de resistance - a cigarette carton trimmed to fit inside his cap to square it off. Top was bestest buddies with the First Platoon Sergeant and wanted to back him against us, but couldn't with that E-5 standing there looking like the poster child for uniform reg violations.

[Perd Hapley]

I used the blousing bands, the velcro type.  I liked them, because they made for a professional appearance and kept that way all day long. 

Is that the professional appearance, where there is a gap between the pants and the boots? 

I never saw the point in the blousing gizmos, never tried them.  If your pants-legs are coming out, you're not tying your boots tightly enough.  If your boots are coming untied, you're not knotting them tightly enough.  And so on. 

[doc2rn]

The coast guard one would read something like I swear never to get into water above waist deep, so I can wade in to shore when the canoe capsizes.

[Jamisjockey]

I used the blousing bands, the velcro type.  I liked them, because they made for a professional appearance and kept that way all day long. 

Is that the professional appearance, where there is a gap between the pants and the boots? 

I never saw the point in the blousing gizmos, never tried them.  If your pants-legs are coming out, you're not tying your boots tightly enough.  If your boots are coming untied, you're not knotting them tightly enough.  And so on. 

No.  Its because the leg of a normal pair of utes looks sloppy when just left dangling there.  Properly fitting they are bloused a few inches from the top of your boot.
As a bonus, when you're working in dirty conditions they keep a large amount of stuff out of your pants.  I'd imagine in certain climes they keep creatures out of your pants, too.

[Perd Hapley]

I didn't leave them dangling.  I wrapped them around my ankle, and tied the boots tightly.  It kept things out a whole lot better than any blousing bands might have done. 

[Jamisjockey]

I didn't leave them dangling.  I wrapped them around my ankle, and tied the boots tightly.  It kept things out a whole lot better than any blousing bands might have done. 

Well good for you.

[cassandra and sara's daddy]

i understand my grand kid is giving dad some good natured grief. grandson is going in marines  dad was in rangers. but has good things to say about certain marines. in fact hisd comments might be reason kid chose marines.  but they do some of that young bull olkd bull stuff and it makes me laugh  serves chris right  he was 16 6 2 and 185 when he moved in with me and gave me fits. he's gonna have to try to avoid getting physical with his son after basic. boy might be able to take him then. and someone might get hurt finding out

[RevDisk]

FYI, under normal circumstances, it is considered unwise to prepare a PowerPoint presentation for your commanding officer proving that your oath of enlistment requires you to start a revolution.  Ditto requesting permission to mutiny.  For some reason it makes officers irrate.

[280plus]

For some reason it makes officers irrate.

Some officers just can't take a joke. 

 

[vaskidmark]

Time to revive the 213 Things Skippy is Not Allowed to Do in the Army

http://skippyslist.com/list/

There are a lot of add-on's to the list, but I'll let you go find them yourself.

stay safe.

skidmark