Author Topic: I was not prepared for the Crystal Skull (Read 7894 times)

Perd Hapley · « **on:** September 17, 2009, 12:37:12 AM »

I heard that the movie went overboard on stunts. I knew there were aliens. But I had no idea it was so flagrantly and fragrantly awful. I wouldn't have minded the alien angle, trite thought it may be. And by now we've all learned to accept that Hollywood can't make an action film without the hero running through a hail of bullets that never hit him, or even affect his hearing.

I usually don't even notice things like character development. But I guess this movie stunk so bad, and had so little to offer, that I just couldn't help but notice that Indy's son, and Indy's old war-buddy, were paper-thin.

And why can't they just make a good adventure flick anymore, without having the characters survive certain death in every single scene. IF A TRUCK LANDS ON TOP OF YOUR OPEN-TOP VEHICLE, AT LEAST ONE OF THE PASSENGERS WILL SUFFER A MAJOR INJURY. But no one was hurt. IF YOU GO DOWN THREE SIZABLE WATERFALLS IN A ROW, SOMEONE IS GOING TO GET HURT. But no one was hurt. IF YOU INSIST ON USING THE MOUTH-END OF A VERY LARGE SNAKE AS A ROPE, IT WILL BITE THE EVER-LOVIN' OUT OF YOUR HAND. REPEATEDLY. But no one was hurt, and somehow the snake was not ripped in two. Edit: I forgot to add the bit of idiocy that set the tone for the rest of the film. Perhaps because the rest of the movie taught me to accept the idea that a common household refrigerator would have shielded Indy from an atomic bomb, and that the lead lining was soft, so would protect and cushion him, when he was flung a mile-and-a-half through the air and tumbled to a stop on the dirt.

And Indy's baby-momma has to have the world's worst survival instinct. When she saw the massive circular saw blade about to cut her truck in half, what did she do? She leaned TOWARD it. When she noticed that she was heading straight for the cliffs of insanity, did she stop, slow or turn? No, she floored it, and aimed for a scraggly tree that she somehow knew; a) she would able to park the vehicle on, b) would actually slow them down, rather than being swept aside, and c) would let them gently down into the water, rather than leaving them as low-hanging fruit for the Ruskies. But why were they going the same direction as the Russians, anyway? They had the Skull and all the friendlies, why not go the other direction?

One could go on.

Doggy Daddy · « **Reply #1 on:** September 17, 2009, 01:35:44 AM »

So, quit beatin' around the bush.
Is it a thumbs-up or thumbs down? :|

DD

MicroBalrog · « **Reply #2 on:** September 17, 2009, 01:53:17 AM »

Quote

IF A TRUCK LANDS ON TOP OF YOUR OPEN-TOP VEHICLE, AT LEAST ONE OF THE PASSENGERS WILL SUFFER A MAJOR INJURY

Oh, the stories I could tell.

brimic · « **Reply #3 on:** September 17, 2009, 08:47:29 AM »

The only action scene that I liked was the one with the nuclear blast and the refrigerator.

Jamisjockey · « **Reply #4 on:** September 17, 2009, 09:08:57 AM »

Thumbs down. Two of 'em. South Park even did an episode on the whole deal.

NSFW
Clip

http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/187266

Episode

http://www.southparkstudios.com/episodes/187260

zahc · « **Reply #5 on:** September 17, 2009, 09:58:21 AM »

I would like to chime in to say that the suckacity coefficient of KotCS (and the rest of the Indy movies actually) does in no way diminish the overwhelming awesomeness of The Last Crusade.

makattak · « **Reply #6 on:** September 17, 2009, 10:08:26 AM »

Quote from: zahc on September 17, 2009, 09:58:21 AM

I would like to chime in to say that the suckacity coefficient of KotCS (and the rest of the Indy movies actually) does in no way diminish the overwhelming awesomeness of The Last Crusade.

I have to disagree, The Lost Ark was excellent.

And the Crystal Skull was a GOOD movie... right up until they got captured by the Russians.

The plausibility had been stretched before then but not any further than other Indy or action movies. Good fights, chase scenes, figuring out ancient puzzles- it was great!

AND then they started with the CGI. And the swordfight across two driving vehicles. And the monkeys AND the ants AND the waterfalls.....

And then the aliens showed up. At that point, they'd already jumped the shark, so Hey, LET'S JUST PILE THE CRAP ON!

grampster · « **Reply #7 on:** September 17, 2009, 10:09:55 AM »

IT'S. A. MOVIE.

makattak · « **Reply #8 on:** September 17, 2009, 10:11:03 AM »

Quote from: grampster on September 17, 2009, 10:09:55 AM

IT'S. A. MOVIE.

Yeah, but there's a point where the "willing suspension of disbelief" gets turned off and you have to say: Oh, COME ON!

HankB · « **Reply #9 on:** September 17, 2009, 10:19:33 AM »

Raiders of the Lost Ark - thumbs up.

Temple of Doom - thumbs down. (The best scene was the formal dinner.)

Last Crusade - thumbs up.

Crystal Skull - thumbs down. (In regard to the "actor" - and I use the term loosely - that played Indy's son: Did Spielberg lose a bet, or owe the kid's father a big, BIG favor or something?)

I'm seeing a pattern here . . . odd numbered movies are good, even numbers are crapola.

makattak · « **Reply #10 on:** September 17, 2009, 10:21:47 AM »

Quote from: HankB on September 17, 2009, 10:19:33 AM

Raiders of the Lost Ark - thumbs up.

Temple of Doom - thumbs down. (The best scene was the formal dinner.)

Last Crusade - thumbs up.

Crystal Skull - thumbs down. (In regard to the "actor" - and I use the term loosely - that played Indy's son: Did Spielberg lose a bet, or owe the kid's father a big, BIG favor or something?)

I'm seeing a pattern here . . . odd numbered movies are good, even numbers are crapola.

Star Trek works similarly, however it's the evens that are good. (Disclaimer: I have not seen Nemesis)

CNYCacher · « **Reply #11 on:** September 17, 2009, 10:34:55 AM »

Indy was always lucky, never a superhero. In Crystal Skull he became some kind of invincible cartoon character.

For example, if the fridge scene had happened in Raiders, he would have landed on the downslope of some sandy hill and plowed to a stop over 100 yards and your thought would be "Wow, that was lucky he landed just right." Instead he comes crashing down out of the sky and tumbled to a stop and when the fridge opens all you can think is "That fridge should be full of Indy soup."

AZRedhawk44 · « **Reply #12 on:** September 17, 2009, 10:54:12 AM »

Quote from: HankB on September 17, 2009, 10:19:33 AM

Raiders of the Lost Ark - thumbs up.

Temple of Doom - thumbs down. (The best scene was the formal dinner.)

Last Crusade - thumbs up.

Crystal Skull - thumbs down. (In regard to the "actor" - and I use the term loosely - that played Indy's son: Did Spielberg lose a bet, or owe the kid's father a big, BIG favor or something?)

I'm seeing a pattern here . . . odd numbered movies are good, even numbers are crapola.

Star Wars disproves this.

Ignoring the blasphemy of the new pathetic additions to the Trilogy that defined the concept of Trilogies, SW1 was mediocre at best, Empire was awesome and must have been the first film to leave people at a cliff-hanger for 3 freakin' years, and RotJ was pathetic.

The inverse of the Indy trilogy.

I agree that KotCS was a pathetic attempt to resurrect the Indy franchise. In the two best movies, Indy has been a knight-errant holy crusader. When your American audience knows the judeo-christian tradition better than Roswell conspiracies or Hindu folklore, you cater to that. Hence the success of the launch of the franchise with the Ark of the Covenant and Nazi bad guys. And the resounding popularity of the 3rd installment, with the Crusade for Christ's chalice and... Nazi bad guys.

Ruskies may have made good enemies in the 80's, but today's audience is less likely to accept that.

I think better bad guys would have been Nazi escapists who fled to Argentina after the war, and were seeking for a way to do something evil and mysterious and Judeo-christianly evil with a holy relic.

Space aliens and Ruskies just was too much departure for me. Add to that, the backdrop was essentially science (or cult paranoia) rather than religion, and the resolution of the movie itself, and it was just a pathetic attempt.

Balog · « **Reply #13 on:** September 17, 2009, 10:57:32 AM »

I still want to see an Indy movie where he's fighting the Great Old Ones.

Jocassee · « **Reply #14 on:** September 17, 2009, 11:09:09 AM »

Quote from: AZRedhawk44 on September 17, 2009, 10:54:12 AM

I think better bad guys would have been Nazi escapists who fled to Argentina after the war, and were seeking for a way to do something evil and mysterious and Judeo-christianly evil with a holy relic.

Sums it up pretty nicely.

Also leads to another question. When will the Nazis cease to become one of the favorite frameworks upon which to hang conspiracies in the movies? I mean an indie movie is coming out soon that has Space Nazis returning from a secret base on the moon. WHAT GIVES?

zahc · « **Reply #15 on:** September 17, 2009, 11:12:23 AM »

Quote

I think better bad guys would have been Nazi escapists who fled to Argentina after the war, and were seeking for a way to do something evil and mysterious and Judeo-christianly evil with a holy relic.

In western pop-culture, judeo-christianly evilness is over, though. Watch old vampire movies and you get things like "the prince of darkness is his ally" and "bats out of hell" and "demons" and so on. Nowadays, zombies are all the rage; they are the atheistic/secular humanist manifestation of demons.

onions! · « **Reply #16 on:** September 17, 2009, 11:36:30 AM »

& on that note there are at least two zombie movies than use Nazis as the undead.One Japanese & the other ...Scandinavian...I think.

Frozen zombies.

Brad Johnson · « **Reply #17 on:** September 17, 2009, 11:39:54 AM »

I think the problem with KotCS is that Indy never seemed to be in danger, or a least he never suffered from it. In the other movies he was beaten to a pulp. Literally. In KotCS he never seemd to get more than a scratch.

IMHO they were trying too hard. There was too much of just about everything plus it all being waaaaaay over the top in terms of, well, everything. Everything except the humanization and actual story of Raiders and Crusade. (I actually enjoyed Temple, just not as much as the other two).

Brad

HankB · « **Reply #18 on:** September 17, 2009, 12:27:29 PM »

Quote from: Cmdr. Gravez0r on September 17, 2009, 11:09:09 AM

Also leads to another question. When will the Nazis cease to become one of the favorite frameworks upon which to hang conspiracies in the movies? I mean an indie movie is coming out soon that has Space Nazis returning from a secret base on the moon. WHAT GIVES?

"What Gives" is that a) there's no "pro-Nazi" pressure groups with any traction; and b) Nazis are white guys.

Why do you think the villains who nuked Denver in the screen version of Tom Clancy's The Sum of All Fears were changed from Islamofascists to Euronazi-type white guys?

MicroBalrog · « **Reply #19 on:** September 17, 2009, 12:29:20 PM »

Quote from: zahc on September 17, 2009, 11:12:23 AM

In western pop-culture, judeo-christianly evilness is over, though. Watch old vampire movies and you get things like "the prince of darkness is his ally" and "bats out of hell" and "demons" and so on. Nowadays, zombies are all the rage; they are the atheistic/secular humanist manifestation of demons.

Van Helsing.
Darkrider [sp?].
Constantine.

seeker_two · « **Reply #20 on:** September 17, 2009, 12:55:24 PM »

Quote from: makattak on September 17, 2009, 10:11:03 AM

Yeah, but there's a point where the "willing suspension of disbelief" gets turned off and you have to say: Oh, COME ON!

....because melting Nazis, Thugee heart-ripping, and 600-year-old knights are something that we see everyday....

Quote from: makattak on September 17, 2009, 10:21:47 AM

Star Trek works similarly, however it's the evens that are good. (Disclaimer: I have not seen Nemesis)

NEMESIS blows your theory (and chunky chunks) out of the water....but I'm not a fan of STIV either....

Quote from: MicroBalrog on September 17, 2009, 12:29:20 PM

Darkrider [sp?].

Do you mean GHOST RIDER?

MicroBalrog · « **Reply #21 on:** September 17, 2009, 01:00:27 PM »

Not certain. It involves Nick Cage on a flaming bike, fighting Satan.

Viking · « **Reply #22 on:** September 17, 2009, 01:04:07 PM »

Quote from: MicroBalrog on September 17, 2009, 01:00:27 PM

Not certain. It involves Nick Cage on a flaming bike, fighting Satan.

Ghost Rider.

makattak · « **Reply #23 on:** September 17, 2009, 01:09:16 PM »

Quote from: seeker_two on September 17, 2009, 12:55:24 PM

....because melting Nazis, Thugee heart-ripping, and 600-year-old knights are something that we see everyday....

NEMESIS blows your theory (and chunky chunks) out of the water....but I'm not a fan of STIV either....

Do you mean GHOST RIDER?

Melting Nazis, Thugee heart-ripping, and 600 year old knights are plausible within the framework of the story.

They exist as supernatural events caused by supernatural powers. They are specifically fantastic as the purpose of the story.

Swinging through the CGI vines that happen to lead you back to the CAR CHASE, swordfighting across cars, etc... are also fantastical, but no supernatural powers are involved. The purpose of a good story is to base it in its own reality.

The Indy stories basis is the normal physical world, at times acted upon by forces outside the physical world.

For this reason, the Matrix works when physics or biology are defied because that's the reality of the movie. When physics and biology are defied in the Crystal Skull (outside of the extra-natural powers of the skull), it breaks its own reality.

When you go into a movie, you suspend disbelief that your current reality applies. When the movie is not internally consistent, that disbelief is broken.

Movies can be unrealistic, but they cannot be inconsistent if they are to be good.

Perd Hapley · « **Reply #24 on:** September 17, 2009, 05:00:59 PM »

makattak nails it. Give him a cigar.

Quote from: Brad Johnson on September 17, 2009, 11:39:54 AM

IMHO they were trying too hard. There was too much of just about everything plus it all being waaaaaay over the top in terms of, well, everything. Everything except the humanization and actual story of Raiders and Crusade. (I actually enjoyed Temple, just not as much as the other two).

That's the nut of it right there, and why so many action flicks annoy me. They all think their chase/fight scene has to be more spectacular than everyone else's, so they pile on one unbelievable stunt after another. This substitutes for good story, etc.

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Author Topic: I was not prepared for the Crystal Skull (Read 7894 times)