Armed Polite Society
Main Forums => The Roundtable => Topic started by: 280plus on April 12, 2011, 08:34:24 AM
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I'll clean up the spacing later cause I gtg now. I thought a lot of these were pretty funny. Been then I understand I should stay away from thinking as much as possible. =|
;)
Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving until 5.
Sincerely,
Unicorns
Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection.
Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely,
Logic
Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.
Sincerely,
The Titanic
Dear America ,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely,
Canada
Dear Yahoo,
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying...
Sincerely,
Google
Dear 2010,
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!
Sincerely,
1985
Dear Windshield Wipers,
Can't touch this.
Sincerely,
That Little Triangle
Dear Rose,
There was definitely room on that Door for the both of us.
Sincerely,
Jack
PS, you let go
Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.
Sincerely,
BP
Dear Saturn,
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Sincerely,
God
Dear Fox News,
So far, no news about foxes.
Sincerely,
Unimpressed
Dear Nickleback,
That's enough.
Sincerely,
The World
Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,
Please make one for every skin color.
Sincerely,
Black people
Dear Scissors,
I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either.
Sincerely,
Sarah Palin
Dear Osama Bin Laden,
Marco....
Sincerely,
United States
Dear World of Warcraft,
Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity.
Sincerely,
Parents Everywhere
Dear Batman,
What was your power again?
Sincerely,
Superman
Dear Customers,
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Sincerely,
Nail Salon Ladies
Dear Global Warming,
You're the best imaginary friend ever!
Sincerely,
Al Gore
Dear Ugly People,
You're welcome.
Sincerely,
Alcohol
Dear World,
Please stop freaking out about 2012.
Our calendars ends there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy, ok?
Sincerely,
The Mayans
Dear White People,
Don't you just hate immigrants?
Sincerely,
Native Americans
Dear iPhone,
Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.
Sincerely,
Every iPhone User
Dear Giant Spider on the Wall,
Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die.
CRAP! Where did you go?
Sincerely,
Terrified Arachnophobic
Dear Trash,
At least you get picked up...
Sincerely,
The Girls of Jersey Shore
Dear Man,
It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Sincerely,
Elephant
Dear Dr. Phil,
Look man, there's only room for one fake doctor in this world and I was here first.
Sincerely,
Dr. Pepper
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Too funny! :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Dear Osama Bin Laden,
Marco....
Sincerely,
United States
:lol:
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Dear Rose,
There was definitely room on that Door for the both of us.
Sincerely,
Jack
PS, you let go
Dear Jack,
You were dead. Live with it. Oh wait, you can't.
Sincerely,
Rose
PS, you wouldn't have wanted me anyway, I'm obviously an idiot, not only did I not tell Bill Paxton he was wasting time and millions searching for the jewels when I had them, but even though I had a multi-generational family that could have used the MILLIONS to, you know, go to college and such, I tossed it in the ocean. Find it now paxton!
Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,
Please make one for every skin color.
Sincerely,
Black people
Dear black people,
We do.
Sincerely,
Skin-colored Band Aids
Dear Batman,
What was your power again?
Sincerely,
Superman
Dear Superman,
Its a fashion accessory, and mad skills, you eugenic bastard.
I needed to be smart unlike you, given that people in metropolis cant seem to see through your "disguise" of glasses.
Sincerely,
Batman
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The fox news one :laugh:
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The fox news one :laugh:
+1 :laugh:
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Mr birdman, please note that I said I thought a lot of them were funny, not all of them. We generally try to keep it light around here. I do anyways. Unless of course it involves the correct way to make cornbread, then all bets are off. >:D
:laugh:
oops, I mean :-X
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Unless of course it involves the correct way to make cornbread, then all bets are off. >:D
(https://armedpolitesociety.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi124.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fp17%2Fazredhawk44%2F100_0502.jpg&hash=028623308daafaf3808396ec349a42477d785bc2)
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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! What have I done!! :O :facepalm:
I know, I'll go get in the corner for a while. 1 minuute per year of age. See you in 53 minutes. :'(
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Mr birdman, please note that I said I thought a lot of them were funny, not all of them. We generally try to keep it light around here. I do anyways. Unless of course it involves the correct way to make cornbread, then all bets are off. >:D
:laugh:
oops, I mean :-X
I thought they were funny to, I was just trying to add laughs, not subtract :)
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OK, I disunderstood. It's been known to happen. I thought you were maybe a little harsh on Superman. He's sacred here, along with Chuck Norris and Mr T., respectively of course. ;)
Now, if noone mentions another word about cornbread we might be ok. :-X
Peeples takes their cornbread seriously 'round these here parts. :O
:angel:
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OK, I disunderstood. It's been known to happen. I thought you were maybe a little harsh on Superman. He's sacred here, along with Chuck Norris and Mr T., respectively of course. ;)
Superman is a dumb jock. Just wait, hear me out.
Okay, so superman, by virtue of his genetics, is good looking, tall, permanently young, superstrong, can fly, shoot heat vision, cold breath, is invulnerable, etc.
His opponent, lex luthor, who -almost- wins every time, is...smart. That's it, smart. And he almost wins against superman. Sounds like jock v. Nerd no? Basically superman is being an ahole. Perhaps if he wasn't showing off all the time, luthor wouldn't have to sink California to make a buck.
Anyway, being a nerd myself, with the exception of the "kill millions" part, you kinda have to feel sorry for lex the nerd. I mean, Microsoft is evil, but would you cheer if Arnold beat the crap out of bill gates for making a buck off the blue screen of death suffering of the world?
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Hmmm, seems to be a rather plausible argument. Let me think on this...
*Anyone who's been around here awhile can tell you that me thinking is never good... [tinfoil]
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Birdman: This (http://superdickery.com/) site might be of interest to you, regarding Superman's other qualities. :lol:
Dear Dr. Phil,
Look man, there's only room for one fake doctor in this world and I was here first.
Sincerely,
Dr. Pepper
:lol:
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Superman's not too bright... Why else would he duck when the bad guy throws the gun at him?
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(https://armedpolitesociety.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi124.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fp17%2Fazredhawk44%2F100_0502.jpg&hash=028623308daafaf3808396ec349a42477d785bc2)
I spy red & green pepper.
Therefore it is cornbreadFAIL!
Doesn't matter if you cook it in cast iron, if you include adulterants like red & green peppers.
If someone will put peppers in cornbread, there is no telling to what depths they will sink. Probably dress their GI Joe in Barbie clothes, too.
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I spy red & green pepper.
It's a photoshop. You can tell by the pixels.
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Superman... Meh.
Phantom is da man. His superpower is a pair of 1911s.
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It's a photoshop. You can tell by the pixels.
The color is all wrong also. Plain cornbread with some sugar added to the mix with lots of butter added later is fine by me. I'm not one of those who think that adding everything under that sun makes it better. Just my preference.
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Superman... Meh.
Phantom is da man. His superpower is a pair of 1911s.
Piffle! the best gadget type superhero is clearly the Punisher. ;/
wwhy have a pair of 1911's, when you can have everything?
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Superman... Meh.
Phantom is da man. His superpower is a pair of 1911s.
I thought that was the Shadow. ???
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Well, all I can add is you must remember Superman's outfit and cape were made for him by his Mom so I believe that gives him the edge over all. In America anyways. [popcorn]
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Well, all I can add is you must remember Superman's outfit and cape were made for him by his Earf step- Mom so I believe that gives him the edge over all. In America anyways. [popcorn]
FIFY.
stay safe
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How did his Earf-mom sew his impervious/impenetrable blanket into a cape? A sewing needle wouldn't go through it.
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How did his Earf-mom sew his impervious/impenetrable blanket into a cape? A sewing needle wouldn't go through it.
Kryptonite Needle.
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Kryptonite Needle.
The friction of the super-cloth would cut earf-thread. Is it kryptonite thread, too?
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The friction of the super-cloth would cut earf-thread. Is it kryptonite thread, too?
Kryptonite seam ripper?
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The "explanation" I heard was that it was only indestructible when it was close to his skin. If he wasn't wearing it, it was just plain old spandex.
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Piffle! the best gadget type superhero is clearly the Punisher. ;/
wwhy have a pair of 1911's, when you can have everything?
Beware the man with one gun. He probably knows how to use it. Phantom is that man. Although Punisher is alright, too.
I thought that was the Shadow. ???
The Shadow also has the power to cloud men's minds so that they either don't see him or see him a few feet from where he actually is. That's how how is able to annoy enemies by laughing while they shoot at him.
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I thought that was the Shadow. ???
Who knows?
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Kryptonite Needle.
You guys are aware that the needles (and the thread they carry) go through the HOLES in the weave of the cloth, right? His suit's not made out of Mylar or PVC.
The "explanation" I heard was that it was only indestructible when it was close to his skin. If he wasn't wearing it, it was just plain old spandex.
The Byrne-era (1986? Series launch was 'Superman: Man Of Steel') reboot stated that Supes generated a field out to about a quarter-inch from his skin. Anything inside that (such as tight-fitting clothing) was protected by the field - which explains why his cape can get torn to shreds but the rest of his suit remains undamaged.
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Guns, knives, explosives...
The Punisher knows all. :cool:
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Hmmm, seems to be a rather plausible argument. Let me think on this...
*Anyone who's been around here awhile can tell you that me thinking is never good... [tinfoil]
Actually you thinking is more of a surprise than anything else. =D
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Okay, but could Superman stand there and take several shots from a revolver right in the face/chest, but then when the bad guy runs out of ammo, Superman has to duck when the bad chucks the, now useless, weapon at him ?
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Actually you thinking is more of a surprise than anything else.
True, I do tend to avoid it best I can. :P
From a blog:
http://www.abovetopsecret.com/forum/thread226512/pg1
Always an interesting question. As Umbrax points out, there have been numerous explanations for how Supe's costume came into being and why he doesn't face public nudity charges every time he flies through fire, or gets hit with a missile, or flies into space.
Originally, Clark made the costume himself, as Umbrax pointed out. The Superman mythos continuity was then altered to focus more on his upbringing on Earth. The origins of his costume shifted to being made by his mother, Martha. Clark used his heat vision to cut the thread and stitch it together.
This explanation can be seen in the recent Superman-Batman-Supergirl graphic novel collection, where Martha makes Kara Zor-El's costume with the help of Clark's heat vision. Here, like Clark, the costume was made from a blanket that was stowed away in the Kryptonian ship which brought the two to Earth. Clark's cape has, at times, been a remnant of the blanket he was swaddled in as a baby.
The other story I heard - and I cannot remember where I read it - was that Superman's costume was a kind of Kryptonian survival suit which Jor-El included in the ship with his son. This explains why the uniform remains undamaged by most conventional attacks.
Hope this helped. The Superman mythos changes so often. I yearn for the day when they return Supe's powers to the level they were in the Silver Age series. Sigh.
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"Supe" ;/
:laugh:
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How did his Earf-mom sew his impervious/impenetrable blanket into a cape? A sewing needle wouldn't go through it.
Duh. Superglue.
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Doh! :facepalm:
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(https://armedpolitesociety.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.channelate.com%2Fcomics%2F2010-08-30-sahole.gif&hash=5d3099a0f1ba4f29657dbe270af1b459bbc527ff)