I think I know these people

[zxcvbob]

Stanley died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly.  The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two buddies, Ole and Sven.  The three men had always hunted and fished together and were long time members of a hunt camp.

Ole arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Ole said, "Vell, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over."

The mortician rolled him over and Ole said, "Nope, ain't Stanley." The mortician thought this was rather strange.  So he brought Sven in to confirm the identity of the body.

Sven looked at the body and said, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over..."  The mortician rolled him over and Sven said, "No, it ain't Stanley."

The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"  Sven said, "Well, Stanley had two aholes."

"What? He had two aholes?"

"Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say: There's Stanley with them two aholes."

[TommyGunn]

 

That's so bad it's funny ... ... ... ...

[BMacklem]

Oh I know all about good old Ole and Sven.... ever hear this one about them?

Two Minnesotans walk into a pet shop near Brainerd. They head to the bird section and Sven says to Ole, "Dat's dem." The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.
"Yah sure, ve'll take two of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere," says Sven.
The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag. Ole and Sven pay for the birds, leave the shop, get into Sven's pick-up and drive to the top of some big cliffs near Brainerd Lake. At the cliffs, Sven looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, "Dis looks like a grand place."
He takes the two birds out of the bag, puts them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff. Ole watches as Sven falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself dead.
Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Ole shakes his head and says, "By yumpin' yiminy, dis budgie-jumping is too dangerous for me!"
VAIT!!! Dere's MORE!

Moments later Knute arrives up at the cliffs. He's been to the pet shop, too, and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying a paper bag in one hand and a shotgun in the other.
"Hey, Ole, vatch dis," Knute says. He takes a parrot from the bag and throws himself and the parrot over the edge of the cliff.
Ole watches as, half way down, Knute takes the gun and shoots the parrot. Knute continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body.
Ole shakes his head and says, "And I'm never trying dat parrot-shooting either."
BUT VAIT!!! Dere's MORE, you betcha!!
Ole is reeling over the shock of losing two friends when Lars appears. He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a paper bag, out of which he pulls a chicken.
Lars grasps the chicken by the legs, holds it over his head, hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his neck.
Once more Ole shakes his head. "First der was Sven with his budgie-jumping, den Knute parrot-shooting, and now Lars hen-gliding."
Dats all. Dere ain't no more! Now, go haf a good day, you betcha!

[BMacklem]

Here's a new one I just found about Ole.....

So Ole waits on the cliff, see, until he can see a fish with a large mouth
swimming below. He leaps off the cliff, singing the lowest note possible at the
top of his lungs, striking the water just above the fish, and makes a clean grab
of it  but is killed anyway.
Bass jumping don't work so good neither.