I'm about to poop some masonry OR busted for something I didn't do

[Winston Smith]

LANGUAGE WARNING

I'm a sober alcoholic. Back in April I celebrated two years(!!) in Saint Petersburg, Russia. This has not been an easy road. I got sober when I was 15.  I've celebrated, I've loved and lost and wanted to die etcetera. I've never relapsed though.

I'm a freshman in college. Sonoma State University (near Napa CA) to be exact. I moved in just under two weeks ago. My roommates are great guys, I get along with them fine. We're in a substance free dorm. All dorms are supposed to be, but these are SPECIFICALLY SET ASIDE for people like me. But my suitemates... they like to party.

Friday I was back home in the city, seeing a friend I hadn't seen for many months due to the fact that she was in France. Apparently something went down here that warranted two cops and four CSA's. CSA's are not the confederate states of america here, but glorified hall monitors. Today I recieved a letter saying that I was documented for a possible bulk alcohol violation... and I could *expletive deleted*it a brick.

I was given the gift of the opportunity to be sober, yeah, but that doesn't mean I had to work for it either. Here I am in COLLEGE. COLLEGE. I didn't expect to make it to college, and probably not just because of grades. Yesterday, I trucked two other kids in recovery to an AA meeting. And here my suitemates come along and *expletive deleted*ing ruin it! I've worked every day of my life since I got sober to NOT get in trouble due to alcohol. I've gotten to the point where I can urinate in bars when I'm out at hours where they're the only things that are open... and I don't even think about drinking.

I could be drunk in about 15 seconds. They're playing beer pong as I type. And I choose not to. It's all about choices. I'll definitely suffer the consequences of mine, with dignity and responsibility. I take pride in it actually. When I *expletive deleted*ck up, I take care of it. It doesn't feel good, but it doesn't feel as bad as running. For example, at 4 in the morning, I backed into someone's car in an alley. Noone around. I left a note. That's just how I am, but it's still hard, you know?

I will definitely not take responsibility for other's actions. They want to drink, fine, just don't wrap me up in it. I'm so *expletive deleted*ing mad.

I've got a meeting with some residential staff. Two meetings actually. I'll show them my two year chip, give them phone numbers of the people who I rode with to San Francisco, people I saw, and a CSA who is my best buddy's best buddy who knows I don't drink. But goddamnit I shouldn't have to do that.

And plus if the police bust down the door right now I'm still *expletive deleted*ed. because I didn't tattle. I shouldn't have to tattle. I don't even want to tattle. I don't care about my proximity to alcohol. So I'm being put in a position where I potentially either tattle or get in trouble.

I need tips guys. I'm really messed up here.

Not all is bad though. I'm still incredibly grateful that I'm in college, I'm working at being spiritually sound and one with ... god, I guess. Doing all my homework, keeping my room clean. I'm eating vegetables! Other things that are good are coming around too... I'll be seing one (her) on sunday.
-Jack

[Monkeyleg]

Winston, it's been over 30 years since I was in college.

If all of your friends are violating the terms under which you're being admitted...can you just go someplace else?

Is there anywhere else you can live?

If all else fails, would you be willing to rat on everybody else in order to save yourself?

(Note: that's not a bad thing, if everyone else is messing up your life knowing that you'll be screwed).

If everything else fails, where can you go?

I know this sounds maudlin, but is there a family near the university who would rent you a room?

You've come a long way, and had to go the hard way. No reason why you should get screwed because of other people's behavior.

[Antibubba]

No "Substance-free" dorms?

[Perd Hapley]

Sounds like you've got it together, W.  I hope things work out for you.

[TarpleyG]

Full-auto, suppressive fire into the offender's room should take care of it...


Look, tattling is one thing but telling it like it is to maintain your quality of life is another...screw those guys.  They won't be around in 10 years anyway.

Greg

[BozemanMT]

exactly
they aren't your friends
and they aren't following the "law" if they are violating the substance free dorms
they are making your life hard for no reason but their own enjoyment
it's not tattling, they put themselves in that place, no one else did.
they choose to drink in a non-drinking dorm.
it's not your fault, it's theirs.
They should man up and either obey the rules or move out.

BTW, congrats on so many years, that's an amazing story, you don't really hear about 18 year olds being alcoholics and recognizing it.  good job.

[roo_ster]

Dorm life is for the birds.  Next semester or ASAP, see if you can score an off-campus apt.  By yourself if possible.

As to your current situation, I presume you were required to agree & sign off to certain standards of behavior to reside in the substance-free dorms?  If you were, so were your room mates...who have broken their word.

I am mostly a "mind your own business" kinda guy.  If folks are doing something I don't agree with and it doesn't hurt me, I let them be.  Well, your room mates would not qualify, as their actions are bringing consequences on to YOUR head.  

If I were in a similar situation, I would have no problem telling it like it is.  Your room mates need to man up & tell the truth, too.  Bringing consequences down on others because of own's own actions...and not owning up to it is a cowardly act, pure & simple.

Perhaps you could work with the school bureaucratic trolls to get in with some room mates who aren't majoring in ethanol consumption?

[Art Eatman]

1.  Since you can prove you weren't involved, you (in a rational world) won't be hassled further.

2.  As Bozeman said, these are not your friends.  I'd assume that if they're among the accused and the school follows its own rules, they're gone.  But, staying away as much as possible is the best--and probably only--thing you can do

3.  Because of the circumstances, it seems to me that either they (if not expelled from the dorm or from the school) or you can be moved to another dorm or another room in your dorm.

4.  It ain't easy, but for the short term, focus on studying, not on all this brouhaha.

Art

[Shalako]

School is hard enough without negative influences of that magnitude. You are only two weeks in, how is their partying going to distract you come mid-terms?

I was a partier in college and paid for it. It was really tough to get through and I was one of them... You don't need that in your sphere of influence given that you are already trying to do it the right way. It took me many years to mature up and reign in my recreational distractions and finally live up to my scholastic potential.

Besides, its not tatlling, its more like...testifying, I think. Especially since the rules say substance free dorms.

Kudos.

[Guest]

It comes down to one thing:

Who is the most important person in the world in this situation?

You.

Everyone else is disposable. They don't care about your future, they're putting you at risk. Be ruthless with them now and it'll keep you warm at night.

[cassandra and sara's daddy]

dude i wasn't amart as you i waited till i was 33 to sober up . i did the meetings thing for 11 years drinking till i got smart. the last 14 years have taught me a few lessons.i'd pray talk to a sponsor and then you need to protect yourself and your sobriety. as much as i adherede to the "no snitching code" i had to change. if i was your roomate and i was making explosives or selling dope or pointing a gun at you i would be a threat that you would be justified in dealing with. these guys are no less a threat and need to be dealt with in the appropriate  way.
and life requires us as men to do the right thing NO MATTER HOW UNCOMFORTABLE IT IS.sucks but its gonna happen more times in your life. its whay my sponsor calls "another great oppurtunity for personal growth" mage me want to kick him down thew stairs when he said that. pm if you want i'll give you name and number of a young man your age in same boat. hes sober in college here in va. he picked up 4 year wednsday.

good luck trudging the road of happy destiny  and the word trudge is there for a reason

[Vodka7]

At most schools room freeze will be over in a week or two.  Start posting on the roommate bulletin boards, talk to campus housing, go to clubs in your interest, and try as hard as humanly possible to make a friend who feels the same way you do (try the Christian or Muslim groups especially.)  Get out of that situation as fast as possible--it's going to get much, much worse.  The CSA's (RHA's in my old school) are only cracking down because it's the first week.  Their goal isn't to get freshman to stop bad behavior, the goal is just to get them to do it quietly.

I went to some of the best parties at 24/hour quiet-life/substance free buildings.  There were always the good suites and rooms where the roommates took college seriously, but they were all built by upperclassmen--freshmen just get stuck anywhere.

Now, the really bad news about the bust is it's going to go nowhere--probably a warning for all three of you, regardless of guilt.  If you have real campus police, are they involved, or is it just housing at this point? If it's just housing, you'll go on some type of probation if they think you're guilty--another complaint this semester and you automatically get kicked out off on-campus housing for a full year.  Don't think the the housing department will be fair or take the time to call witnesses or anything like that--this isn't a court.  You're going to have to take the hit and find a new room ASAP.

The only thing campus housing really cares about is weapons.  Two of my friends threw a kegger in a dorm room with a good 40 peole cramped in an apartment sized suite, the cops busted it at 3am, and here's what happened: the older guy got busted on some fire code for having too many people in the room.  Both got busted for noise violations.  The punishment?  Housing probation.  The end.  They didn't confiscate any booze or bust anyone on MIP charges.

Now, I had another friend.  The guy had two short ornamental swords hanging on the wall, sheathed.  He was reported on a Wednesday and was forced to move out after his last class Friday.  So if you are going to drop a dime, do it for something worthwhile (hopefully one or both of the idiots has a folder lying around.)

[Winston Smith]

Weapons are actually allowed. Folders under 4", i mean. And one can do a lot with something that size. I've gone one in IWB 6:00. concealed is concealed.

I have a meeting with an RLC in about 2 hours, I'll check in after that.

[Iain]

Good luck. You can always make new friends.

[client32]

Not that you care at this point, but it sounds to me like Mommy and Daddy might have placed them in this particular dorm thinking that they would be helping their precious children.  If I KNEW that was the case, I would send mommy and daddy a little note about what their childeren are doing.  Possibly include a picture or two.  That might be a little childish, but if they were place in this particular dorm then that will be the only thing they respond to.  I would also talk to the RA or even the guy above him about moving rooms.  While these guys can be difficult, they will break down eventually.  I didn't have any problems when I went to switch rooms.  I didn't complain about my roomate at all (he was a nice guy, we just had different schedules, I worked all night) and said that I thought he would be better off if I were somewhere else.  They understood and shuffled me into a private room.

I agree with the move off campus comment as well.

[grampster]

Winston, I had been wondering how you were doing regarding your sobriety and I'd sent you a PM over at THR last week, actually,

It's good to hear you are still on the good path.  I am proud of you.  Your character and strong will is to be commended.

As for your present problem, I wouldn't lose a second over ratting out those turds.  The fact that they have not stood up to the fact that you had nothing to do with their miscreancy shows them for the low character that they have.

[Waitone]

You are in a lose-lose situation.  Get out as fast as you can unless you want 1>your reputation damaged, and 2>to lose out on 2 years of hard work.

Now is the time to look out for your best interests.  BTW, if you got this problem a week or so into the semester, it will onlyget worse.  

Defend your reputation and emphasize your indignity by demanding to get out.

You will lose in the current setup.

[publius]

I was documented for a possible bulk alcohol violation.

Sorry, but that's just a funny way to put things.

[Chris]

This above all, to thine own self be true.

First, try a heart to heart talk to the roomies.  When that doesn't work, try a foot to ass talk.  Meaning tell the romies exactly how miserable you will make the rest of their lives if they screw things up for you.  Threaten to rat them out if they don't knock it off.  Threaten to ruin their existence at the school.

if that gets you nothing but grief, seek out a friendly ear in the administration.  Tell that person the story of your sobriety.  Use it to ask for a dorm reassignment.  then, follow the previous advice about seeking out a plce of your own.  Believe me, living alone can be a wondeful and liberating experience.  In a house with a wife and two kids, I look back very fondly upon my days in the cheap campus area apartment, eating cheap food and living a life the way I wanted to live.  

And, some legal advice (I am a lawyer).  An alibi is a powerful tool.  You have it.  Use it accordingly to save yourself.  And forget the "tattle" crap.  There is no honor among theives.  They would selll you out to save their bacon,  so respond accordingly.  Don't think of it as tattling, think of it as self-defense.

Best of luck.

[Stickjockey]

Don't know what to say that hasn't already been said. You worked hard to get where you are; don't let these putzes ruin it.

Rohnert Park, eh? That Sonoma State?

[slick]

It's already been said several times, but here it is again. Get rid of the roomies, they sold you out, be done with them.

[Winston Smith]

Yeah I pretty much tattled and it feels like crap. I wish I hadn't. It didn't fit my moral code and now I've been feeling strange and like someone else.

I don't like it.

[SteveS]

Any updates?  Sorry I am a little late to this thread.  If things are still up in the air, I may have some suggestions.  I had some housing "issues" as an undergrad and while in grad school.  I also worked for a university and dealt with these kinds of issues.

[Perd Hapley]

Tattling is a word for children, and you're an adult.  These gentlemen were endangering your education and future and that's not acceptable.  It's not as if you turned them in.

[roo_ster]

Yeah I pretty much tattled and it feels like crap. I wish I hadn't. It didn't fit my moral code and now I've been feeling strange and like someone else.

I don't like it.

Moral code?

I look out for and square away the best I can those who do the same for me.  Folks who get my happy *expletive deleted*ss in trouble for their actions and don't have the stones to fess up get the back of my hand

Respect and loyalty are things to be earned, not granted willy-nilly to every fool with acces to cold ethyl.