Author Topic: My kid has issues? (Read 5036 times)

Ex-MA Hole · « **on:** May 17, 2006, 05:39:12 AM »

Ok, I have no where else to turn, so y'all are stuck with me.

I just found out that my 17 month old should have a vocab of 25-30 CLEAR words and doesn't. She and I have no problem communicating, but she doesn't speak English per se.; more like a baby language.

The Dr. is now worried. We have someone from a local group comming out on Monday to watch us all interact and ask a bunch of questions. Then, in about 5 weeks, a TEAM will come out to do the same.

OK, I'm in crisis mode. Being from MA, the ONLY time someone comes to your home is when they think that there is an abuse/ major problem. No matter how many times my Wife tries to convince me that it is no big deal, I get the cold sweats and that bad pit everytime I think about it.

I want to clear the weekend plans to scour the house, sanitize everything, etc. My wife says that they are comming to look at how we interact. What if I suck at being a Dad? What if the house in not up to their code? What if, what if, what if.

AAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH?!?!?!?!?!?

I got no sleep last night.

Someone help.

The Rabbi · « **Reply #1 on:** May 17, 2006, 05:59:56 AM »

Where did all this come from? A 17 mo old should have that kind of vocabulary but I have heard of people not really speaking until they were 3 years old. And they are normal well adjusted adults today. If the doc is concerned then usually it is referred to a specialist. I never heard of specialists coming to your house.
Was there anything else that might cause concern? Broken bones, bruises, etc? How is your home life generally? The whole thing sounds odd to me. Typically there shouldnt be anything to worry about but sometimes people get crossways in the system and then its heck.

Stickjockey · « **Reply #2 on:** May 17, 2006, 06:05:36 AM »

Quote

What if I suck as a dad?

Dude, if I had a nickel for every time I've thought that, the idea of "THR Island" would be a done deal. Relax a bit.

Children develop at their own pace. My son was over a year old before he started walking. Now I can't stop him. He was almost as old as yours before he started speaking. Now I can't shut him up. My sister was almost two years old before she spoke any reasonable sort of English. Like your son, she communicated in other ways.

Is this group some sort of Child Services Division? If not, don't worry about it; rather, use them as a resource to help your child learn to speak and to help you learn to teach him. If they are, be polite and helpful, don't volunteer information, but give them what they need.

Side note: Do you read to him much? I found this to be really helpful in the speech department. Just hearing other people speak gets them into it, and they love it.

K Frame · « **Reply #3 on:** May 17, 2006, 06:06:52 AM »

"The whole thing sounds odd to me."

Having exactly 0 child development experience myself... I have to agree. But from the standpoint where it seems that they're not taking into account that kids develop at vastly different rates.

Hopefully Chris will chime in here, but I don't recall his daughter (now going on 3) having a vocabulary that large at 17 months (I spend a fair amount of time with them). I remember her being incredibly vocal, thought.

Ex-MA Hole · « **Reply #4 on:** May 17, 2006, 06:07:04 AM »

Nothing. No breaks, bruises, nothing. The home is a normal, middle class home. That's why I'm at a loss.

If she had NORMAL bumps and brusies from learning to walk, then I'd understand. I tell you, NOTHING.

There is no abuse in the home, no yelling, screaming, drinking ,drugs, nothing, nothing, nothing. That's what has me at a loss.

I have not heard of anyone comming out to the house either.

Guest · « **Reply #5 on:** May 17, 2006, 06:10:21 AM »

Quote

We have someone from a local group comming out on Monday to watch us all interact and ask a bunch of questions. Then, in about 5 weeks, a TEAM will come out to do the same.

WTF??? I don't know how you tolerate these nanny state busybody aholes. Person or team shows up at my door, I would politely tell them to go to hell, and take the appropriate actions to defend my home and child if they pushed the issue.

K Frame · « **Reply #6 on:** May 17, 2006, 06:16:50 AM »

"I don't know how you tolerate these nanny state busybody aholes."

I don't think Ex-Ma mentioned that the people were coming from a state agency, but that is certainly the inference now that I read the message again.

Ex-MA, what "group" is sending its representative to your home?

If it IS someone from a local/state agency, you may want to consult a family law attorney as a pre-emptive measure.

mtnbkr · « **Reply #7 on:** May 17, 2006, 06:20:24 AM »

Our daughter didn't have that many "clear" words at 17mo, but our doc said as long as WE understood the words, they counted.

I'm not sure I'd let a "team" come to our house either. That sounds hinky.

Chris

garyk/nm · « **Reply #8 on:** May 17, 2006, 06:21:59 AM »

Home visit= bad idea! What if they make recommendations for changes in the home and you choose not to do so? Will that be viewed as abusive? Will they report to CPS/equivalent?
Dang busybody doctors! Gods forbid that they find out that you have GUNS !

sumpnz · « **Reply #9 on:** May 17, 2006, 06:22:58 AM »

First thing, relax. Drink a cup of coffee, a beer, or whatever and just chill.

Done that? Ok, here's the thing. I've been around plenty of kids that were almost totally unintelligable at 3 years who still turned out just fine. They might still be somewhat inarticulate, but if current situations continue that might be a qualification for president. Regardless they're still plenty smart, just a little mush-mouthed.

As an aside, I had a great vocab for my age as a kid. I would always enunciate with near perfection. My aunt was a speach pathologist. Her daughter was the most mush-mouthed, hard to understand kid I've ever seen. Drove my aunt nuts. Shoemakers kids go barefoot and all that. But, that girl is now getting a PhD in physics at Stanford.

For a 17 month old to have 25-30 clear words in their vocab is actually doing rather well, or at least average. If your doctor is freaking beacuse she can understand you, but you can't understand her then you need another doctor. You certainly don't need a team of "experts" to watch your interactions at this point. If she hits 2 and still showing no improvement then I would be concerned.

If you're still worried then the thing to do is talk to your doctor (or better yet a new doctor) and try to find out what the causes of delayed language development happen to be. Then see if any of those issues apply to your daughter. If one or more do apply then you can take action based on those findings. If none of them do, then your kid is simply to the left of the middle of the bell curve on that specific developmental milestone. Not a bad thing, just the way it sometimes turns out.

If you kid is just a little a slow on language development, then doing things like talking to her in very clear voices, reading to her, and working with her to prompt clear words is the place I would start. You probably know what some of the babble means (e.g. my 2 year old daughter calls her toy crocodile a "dyko") so when she says certain things you can repeat the correct word back to her.

I'm sure there's books that deal with that issue that can give you better advise than I can.

Good luck.

Ex-MA Hole · « **Reply #10 on:** May 17, 2006, 06:30:37 AM »

Lots of input- thanks.

1. Yes, we read to her a lot. She LOVES to be read to, and LOVES to read to us.

2. Info on the group can be found here:http://www.communitybridgesnh.org

3. I'm not concerned about her developement, she is VERY vocal, seems to understand us, and speaks her own language. I'm not worried that something is wrong. The Dr is not being forceful, but indicated (to the wife) that this group will help her get on track.

4. Gary- you pretty much hit all of my concerns- "What if they make recommendations for changes in the home and you choose not to do so? Will that be viewed as abusive?" and "God forbid that they find out that you have GUNS !"

5. I have a call into my Aunt who is a nurse for input as well.

The Rabbi · « **Reply #11 on:** May 17, 2006, 06:33:59 AM »

From the sounds of it I would say 1) you have nothing to worry about. Let them be as helpful as they want. They might actually come up with somethng useful. 2) Your chiild is fine, it is the doc that is over-reacting. Twenty years ago none of this would have been an issue. But with better testing and more malpractice suits doctors are in the perpetually worried mode, looking for the smallest thing. We just dealt with that here ourselves.

Jamisjockey · « **Reply #12 on:** May 17, 2006, 07:25:26 AM »

Get a lawyer. Get a second opinion. Don't allow these people into your home.

My boy didn't have squat for a vocabulary at 17 months. He now knows his full alphabet and can count almost to 20 at 2 1/2.

K Frame · « **Reply #13 on:** May 17, 2006, 07:31:46 AM »

"He now knows his full alphabet and can count almost to 20 at 2 1/2."

As God is my witness, when I first read that I read it as "can count almost to 2 1/2 at 20."

Time to take a break and get some lunch, I think...

280plus · « **Reply #14 on:** May 17, 2006, 07:36:07 AM »

My son didn't say a damn word until he was 3. But when he did start talking he started in proper complex sentences. It was like he waited till he had it all figured out before he started to talk. Girls do develop a little faster than boys though. I don't mind help from officials that hqave real life child rearing experience but whe they send over some 25 yo who just got her Masters in social work and never had a kid to tell me how to raise my children, that's when I get antsy.

charby · « **Reply #15 on:** May 17, 2006, 07:36:18 AM »

I read it the same way Mike... not sure to laugh or to offer condolences. Then I read it again.

Stickjockey · « **Reply #16 on:** May 17, 2006, 07:44:42 AM »

Ex-MA-

That site looks like they're a private organization. Did you call them or were they foisted on you by the Doc? You know, the more I think about that, the more I don't like it, especially if the Doc called them. Not so sure I'd let them in.

And again: don't get in a lather about the kid not speaking like Thoreau. He'll get it in his own time. Any specialist worth their salt'll tell you that.

Iain · « **Reply #17 on:** May 17, 2006, 07:47:59 AM »

Not having kids myself I'm nowhere near an expert, but I'll tell you that at my cousin's wedding last year there were a goodly number of sprogs as we're all getting to that sort of age. One was three months younger than another and bigger, more verbal and walking better. Then again it is a freak baby.

As for worrying about being a good dad - you say she doesn't speak English per se, but that you and she have no trouble communicating. I'd suggest you're doing just fine as a dad.

280plus · « **Reply #18 on:** May 17, 2006, 07:52:12 AM »

That you even question your uh, "dadness" is a good sign that you're doing ok. Relax and roll with the punches. The best thing they can learn is that you mean what you say. No means no. Get that part right and the rest is a slice o' pie...

Cheesy

Tallpine · « **Reply #19 on:** May 17, 2006, 07:52:24 AM »

I would cancel the upcoming visit and find a different doctor. Your kid sounds fine to me - 17 months ...? Geez, and you mean he isn't doing calculus yet Huh?

?

I heard about this kid that never said anything until he was 10 years old. The parents took him to all sorts of specialists and they couldn't find anything wrong. The boy went to school and got good grades, but never said anything. Then one morning at breakfast he announced: "my toast is burned." The parents jumped up and marvelled that he had finally spoken. They asked: "why haven't you said anything until today?" The kid replied: "well, up to now everything has been okay." Cheesy

Ex-MA Hole · « **Reply #20 on:** May 17, 2006, 08:04:04 AM »

They are a private group. The doc suggested that my wife call, as they may be able to help.

Again, the Wife is thrilled that she is getting help.

It's just me. I didn't think you could "help" someone/ something that isn't broken.

Maybe it's just that I take the time to understand her, while others expect Einstein. She picks stuff up VERY quickly. People keep stating that she seems to be VERY bright. She does stuff and figures stuff out that she shouldn't be able to.

To me, she'll talk when she's ready.

I actually feel better now that y'all feel the same way. At least I'm not the only one!

El Tejon · « **Reply #21 on:** May 17, 2006, 08:11:59 AM »

Didn't James Earl Jones not speak until he was 5? And look what happened to him--went on to father Luke Skywalker and announce CNN.

My oldest nephew refused to speak (I mean refused to speak, he would shake his head "no") until he was 3 and 1/2. Then it was "Dutchy" until he was 5 or so. At 8 he now corrects his brothers' speech at the table and holds forth on various subjects while chewing carrots sticks. Takes after his uncle. Cheesy

I would think long and hard before I allowed anyone in my home like that.

Stickjockey · « **Reply #22 on:** May 17, 2006, 08:16:35 AM »

Okay, so it was a suggestion that your wife ran with. That puts this squarely into the realm of "her stuff, not yours." If it makes your wife feel better, okay.

[Gazes into Crystal Ball (actually my brass tumbler, but who's lookin')] I see the group coming out, finding a family that is for all intents and purposes absolutely normal, making a suggestion or two on how to get your kid to talk more quickly, and leaving. The wife is happy, you breathe a sigh of relief, the kiddo thumbs her nose at the group's suggestions and gets it in her own time, life goes on.[/Crystal tumbler]

Again, that you are worried about your aptitude as a father indicates that you're doin' fine. Don't sweat it.

Polishrifleman · « **Reply #23 on:** May 17, 2006, 08:27:34 AM »

I am assuming this is your only child, it wasn't specified. The thing you need to understand is that they have to set charts for everything, height, weight, reflexes, dexterity, hearing, vocabulary, tooth growth, etc... Not only does it help the professionals get a head start on any issues, but also the parents want to know if they have the next great sports star or genius.

First time mom's generally read all the books get scared beyond belief if something isn't tracking and look for help and a fix. It is natural. Dad's on the other hand generally think they turned out fine so they are going to go that route and don't need no stinkin book to tell them what to do.

We are expecting number 3 the first part of July and he/she better come out with boxing gloves and a helmet on because although they might not be able to say no to their older brothers they better be able to COMMUNICATE it.

The point being the speech will come, it may or may not need outside help. The doctor made a suggestion to a concerned mom and the concerned mom reacted on it. If you and your wife sat down and had a discussion about your child's speech and agreed to some concern who would you call? Would it be this group? Would it be your doctor for advice? Would you look on the internet? Would you open the yellow pages?

Before you invite the group in maybe you should have that talk and move on from there.

Best of luck.

White Horseradish · « **Reply #24 on:** May 17, 2006, 08:32:42 AM »

Kids without bruises? That ain't normal.

Really, there is nothing to worry about that I can see.
A. These guys aren't a state agency. They can make no more trouble for you than any other visitor to your house.

B. They were invited by your wife for a specific reason. Therefore, there will be noexpectation of trouble on their part and they aren't likely to be going out of their way looking for it.

As far as the actual speech problem and your concerns over your parental skills, don't worry. It's unlikely that you are causing that and like Stickjockey said, if you're worried, you're a good dad.

News:

Author Topic: My kid has issues? (Read 5036 times)

Guest