Meh. Less incentive these days to getting married, period. I am far from the stereotype of right wing type, and I will say the entire game is rigged against guys. Divorce, child custody, paternity, etc are generally rigged to be automatically 80-95% in favor of women. There are some loopholes, admittedly. Rapists can actually qualify for partial custody or visitation rights in way too many states. Which is fracking insane, and wrong.
I have some friends that work for family court. Their stories make me nervous about ever getting married. Or rather, think very very long and hard on the subject.
Gotta have a reason beyond the hard-nosed. Because the objective numbers and incentives add up to "Not touching it with a 10' pole" for men. Which is why you see a HUGE disparity in marriage rates between the religious and irreligious.
I'm glad the happily married guys are winning this one.
I wonder about the marriage hate amoung some of you. Yes, I understand you've either been burned or know about guys getting burned, but, seriously, I wonder how much of that involves crappy taste in woman and a serious inability to see this *expletive deleted* coming and say "oh hell no!" when the subject of "marriage" comes up in the relationship.
I've seen awesome marriages that worked and I've seen really crappy ones that don't, and I have to say the crappy ones always seem too start off in a way that make me say "and you didn't see coming? Really?"
Only 11 years married, here. As a rule, I don't discuss its state with others other than its existence...
Yes, awful match-ups from the get-go are easy to call. But not all start out that way.
There are marriages where one spouse goes off the deep end. Had a co-worker divorce his wife of 25 years not because he was hounding after younger tail, but because his wife was sliding into psychologically abusive behavior toward their adopted child. It helped that both had developed a drinking problem. Co-worker was of the mind, "Divorce is awful, but leaving my kid in that situation was worse." Co-worker also kicked the Rx meds and cold ethyl.
Then there is the "relationship/accomplishment" flip-flop, where at the start of the marriage, the gal is more about the relationship and the guy is more about making his way in the world & providing for his family...that gradually shifts towards the other way after kids are gone. For understandable reasons on both sides. Seen that one bust up marriages. It takes some real commitment to re-adjust to what are in effect rule-changes mid-marriage.
I've always found it interesting how every single divorced person on the internet was the simon-pure victim of their ex being crazy and unreasonable. Amazing how many marriages end that are solely the fault of the person who's not telling you about it.
We all know that is not the whole story. It is human nature to minimize our own faults and maximize others'. I recall a gal talking on her phone about a dust-up with her spouse, which I had the mis-fortune to witness. The tale she spun to her girlfriend bore little resemblance to what occurred and all the deviations from reality were in her favor. And this was not some psycho bitch, but a successful, well-socialized gal who I had known for years. She was my friend from wayback, so it wasn't a "bros before hos" thing for me. Afterwards I congratulated her on her work of fiction; told her that even though her spouse was not my cup of tea, he was no rat bastard; and to please leave me out of her future melodramas.
