"We at Ben and Jerry's decry the white paternalistic violent imperialism of the United States, which is why we have called for the return of stolen native land. However, the land on which our stores and our headquarters sit is not stolen native land because Ben and Jerry's is a loving, responsible steward who is a caretaker of the land for the wokeness of all. To show our fealty with our native brethren, we have released a limited time edition flavor called Blanket of Peace, which will be available only to those who are able to show authentic native roots."
In other news, a massive listeria outbreak has hit native American populations in the United States, sickening thousands...