Why does my salsa con queso always go pear-shaped?

[BakerMikeRomeo]

Pear-shaped: screwed-up, SNAFU, FUBAR, belly-up, etc.

I figure that there ought to be enough Texans, Arizonish, New Mexicans, and Southern Californians 'round her' to help me out. I went to highschool in Tejas, and so I picked up a taste for tex-mex food, and one of my friends tried to instill in me the basic idea of how to make salsa con queso, but...

The problem:

About fifty percent of the time, when I try to make salsa con queso, something goes terribly wrong in the pot and what I end up with is orange stuff that has this awful, gritty texture that tastes like neither cheese, nor like salsa, and I just can't work out what the freakin' deal is.

Normally, I'd melt velveeta for the cheese, but this time around I'd used just regular grated cheese (and a simple butter+milk+a bit of flour cheese sauce to get it to melt properly), but this issue can flare up either way. I'd really appreciate it if anyone could give me any more insight into this gritty, orange mess.

I can try and provide more information, if someone knows what to ask.

Thanks in advance,
~GnSx

[charby]

Get a double boiler, melts the "non-cheese food"* cheese so much better and don't have to worry about scorching it.

-C


*Velveta is cheese food.

[SADShooter]

It sounds like you're making a bechamel sauce base, which is good. I have 2 thoughts: are you dumping all the cheese in at once, or gradually (2-3 batches), and is your heat too high? When adding the cheese, you want just enough simmer to melt smooth.

[RadioFreeSeaLab]

I would guess the heat is too high.  Go slow, lower heat.

[K Frame]

I'd say Sad Shooter has is. It sounds to me as if you're trying to melt all the cheese in at once.

That's a disaster about to happen.

SMALL additions, making sure that they are totally integrated before adding the next bunch.

If I'm melting a pound of grated cheese into something, it goes in in at LEAST 8 separate installments.

Another trick you might try is tossing the grated cheese with a little corn starch before adding it. The starch can help keep a cheese sauce from going bad.

[BakerMikeRomeo]

Thanks for the responses, everybody!

If I were at home, I would've used the double boiler, good point.

Part of my trouble is that I'm working on a natural gas stove, so there's kind of a practical limit as to how low I can get the flame, but overall, everything y'all've said has made sense.

Recap:
Low, low heat. As low as possible to melt the cheese and keep it that way.
Slow and steady on adding in the cheese, just a little at a time.


Additional problem: Adding salsa (after all, it is salsa con queso); the cheese seemed to be going pretty well until I started adding the salsa (having some effect because it's so much colder than the melted cheese?), then it seemed to go all screwy. Or screwier, if I just wasn't noticing before.

Thanks again,
~GnSx

[RadioFreeSeaLab]

Part of my trouble is that I'm working on a natural gas stove, so there's kind of a practical limit as to how low I can get the flame

You should try cooking on my electric range. It's either HELLFIREHOTTERTHANTHEFRIGGINSUN! or off.

[SADShooter]

Rapid temperature drop could gum things up, but you could nuke/warm the salsa, and also add it in doses rather than the megadump. Also, there's no law saying your pot has to stay on the burner. Move it to a cold burner at intervals when you're adding/stirring, then back to warm up.

(Note to self: suppress inner Food Network geek...)

[K Frame]

Simple...

Do you have access to another pan with a moderately heavy bottom?

Put that pan on the stove, add some water, and put your pan with the cheese in the first pan.

The first pan will act as a heat diffuser (sp?).

Even if you don't use the water, you'll have a better time of it.

A cast iron pan works frigging wonders as a heat diffuser.

Also, if adding cold salsa seems to be the point at which the problem starts...

Heat your salsa.

[Brad Johnson]

Also make sure that you are using real cheese. Some of the bargain Mega-Mart stuff looks, and may even be wrapped like, cheese. But it's not. Some of it is so artificial they can't even call it a 'processed cheese food' (a la' Velveeta). They have to call it a 'cheese flavored food' and it's usually a mix of emmolients, flavorings, and bulk fillers (i.e. vegetable oil, artificial cheese flavor, and flour or cornstarch). I found out the hard way when I tried to make nachos with it. Blech! Think cheese-flavored Play-Do and you've about got it.

Brad

[thebaldguy]

I'm not sure about this, but I think that some salsas high in vinegar content may curdle the cheese. Try brands where vinegar is further down the label. Also, I use a covered casserole dish in the microwave for this. If you use a stove, use a non-stick pan on low heat or a double boiler. Cube up the cheese so it melts better.

That said, here's our favorite chili - cheese dip recipe. It stretches out the cheese quite a bit.


1 8oz (small one) velveeta cheese
1 can or two cups of your favorite chili
1 can diced jalapenos/diced green chilies or 1 fresh chopped jalapeno. More if you want. Start here, and add more later if you want. Remember, women and children may eat this.

Nuke for 5-8 minutes, stirring half way through. Eat with chips. Repeat until satisfied.

I also make a salsa/cheese dip just like above. One small block velveeta, 1 1/2 cups salsa or however much you like. Don't add too much; you can add more later if you need to. Again, check the vinegar content on the side of the jar. Or, make your own salsa and use that.

Damn, now I'm kinda hungry for some cheese dip...

[Sindawe]

Easiest way to make queso:

1. Open package of queso you bought at the store.

2. Irradiate on high for 2 minutes in the micowave

3. Stir and enjoy.

:D:D:D:D


The pointers on heat and gradual addition of cheese and salsa are right on the money.  If you can, make you own salsa and ditch the store bought stuff.  If you can't, use a good quality salsa, not Pace or the like.  My favorite is Religious Experience's The Wrath http://www.thewrath.com/  Its the stuff with the bright pink label.  YUMM!

[Zed]

You're Trying to Melt the Cheese to fast dude, I have 2 Brothers who are Gourmet Chief's & that's what they say.

[BakerMikeRomeo]

Success!

Today, with all y'all's comments and advice in mind, I set out once more to conquer the Great Salsa Con Queso Beast of South West Sussex, and here it lay at my feet, slain in a flurry of dipping tortilla chips.

So I did it all over just about the lowest possible heat I could on the suckawful natty-gas stove, removing if I felt it was getting too hot. I prepared the butter-flour-milk roux and carefully, a pinch at a time, and stirring with fervor, incorporated my grated-up block of Leicester. When that was all said and done, I warmed my little jar of salsa in the microwave for a minute, and added it a couple tablespoons at a time into the cheesy sauce. A shot of garlic and onion powders later, I'd made the first batch of salsa con queso that I can truthfully say I'm proud of (of which I can truthfully say I'm proud? Ugh).

Thank you all for your suggestions and advice, now I can do this stuff up right.

~GnSx

[TarpleyG]

I'll tell you the easy way and you tell me if this is what you're after.

Get yourself a Crockpot or fondu pot.  Put in a brick of Velveeta and a can of Rotel (I like the hot one...oh, and drain the liquid out) and turn it on low/medium and let it be.  After a while you can stir it all together and keep the heat on low while you are eating it/entertaining.  Stays nice and smooth all night long.  Keep refreshing chips as needed.

Greg

[SADShooter]

GunnySkox:

Congrats! I confess, I use TarpleyG's method more often than I do it the old-fashioned way. What style of cheese is Leicester?  Mild cheddar? I'm trying to conceptualize queso with English cheese.

Happy munching,

SADShooter

[K Frame]

Leiscester cheese looks like cheddar, but the taste is different -- generally more mellow (not as mellow as Colby), but has a very complex character and aftertaste.

It's got a higher moisture content and is a bit crumbly than most cheddars, which makes it one of the best melting cheeses around.

Unfortunately, good Red Leicester cheese is hard to find here in the United States, harder than even good Stilton.

If I could get it regularly, it would be my automatic goto cheese for making dishes that have a cheese base, such as mac and cheese.

[S. Williamson]

What about boiling a large saucepan of water, then placing a smaller pan inside of it to melt the cheese in?  

Only seen this done once for cheese, but seen it done a lot for chocolate. It makes sense to me that it should work... something about 1) even heating around the pan and 2) well-regulated temperature--the water boils before it gets hot enough to burn the cheese/ chocolate.

[Perd Hapley]

THOU SHALT NOT DEFILE THY SALSA WITH QUESO

I bet you put sour cream on your innocent little tacos, too.

[BakerMikeRomeo]

Ooh, I failed to utilize the "pseudo double boiler" method, but only because I lacked a second pot/pan of the appropriate qualities.

WRT to using velveeta, I totally would've done that, but I just couldn't find the stuff here in the England.

Fistful, I find your First Commandment of Fiery Salsa Fury to be slanderous lies at best, and vile evil at worst. Me and my Queso Crusaders will move upon thee soon, and thy cheeseless salsa be cast down upon the ground and snubbed with crappy tortilla chips consumed by only those unfortunate enough to live in England!



Thanks again to everyone who contributed. Never again will my salsa con queso be a foul, pear-shaped, powdery, fishy-looking mess!

~GnSx

[K Frame]

THOU SHALT NOT TELL ME HOW TO EAT MY FOOD!

My food god can kick your food god's ass.


"WRT to using velveeta, I totally would've done that, but I just couldn't find the stuff here in the England."

Oh my God...

You have access to Red Leicester, and you'd actually consider using that ^%$*^)(*&#$)(&^% rubber by product?

I know English cooking has a reputation for sucking, but I didn't think it was that bad!

[Perd Hapley]

NO RANCH DRESSING SHALL PASS THY LIPS, NOR HORSERADISH SAUCE

THY PIZZA SHALT THOU NOT DEFILE WITH HAM, CANADIAN BACON, OLIVES OR PINEAPPLE, NEITHER SHALT THOU PERVERT IT WITH JALAPENOS

KETCHUP SHALL BE AN ABOMINATION AMONG YOU, UNLESS THOU SHALL EAT IT ONLY WITH GREASY, CRISPY DELICIOUS ONION RINGS.  

ON THY PASTA SHALT THOU NEVER USE CHEESE.  YEA, EVEN PARMESAN SHALT THOU NOT SUFFER IN THY SPAGHETTI.

[K Frame]

I knew it.

Your food god is a stinking Frog.

I had homemade horseradish dressing on my salad this evening.

YUM

[Perd Hapley]

I have a French name, but no experience with French cuisine.  I hear ketchup is getting pretty popular in France and beer is now more popular than wine - those godless perverts.    I'm actually more of a salsa and root beer guy.

Speaking of horseradish, I had wasabi on a piece of raw octopus once.  The octopus took a few minutes to chew through, it was like a mouthful of rubber.  But the wasabi?  Only humans would eat something that foul.  

BEER SHALT THOU NOT DRINK, FOR IT HATH A NASTY SAVOR AND A WORSE SMELL.  STOUT MORESO.

THOSE WHO TRAFFIC IN MILD AND MEDIUM SALSAS SHALT THOU HUNT DOWN AND REND LIMB FROM LIMB, NOR SUFFER ANY SALSA THAT IS NOT HOT.

SUGAR SHALL NEVER TOUCH THY ICED TEA, LEST THOU BE STRUCK DOWN FOR SUCH BLASPHEMY.

[SADShooter]

fistful:

With a diet like that, no wonder you always seem cranky. No sugar in iced tea? You ain't from around here are ya?

"Beer is proof that God loves us, and wants us to be happy." - Benjamin Franklin

SADShooter