Dumbest thing you ever did on a date?

[Monkeyleg]

My wife and I just celebrated our 29th wedding anniversary, so it's been a long time since I've dated.

We were talking about the old times, and I remembered a particular date we'd had back in 1968. I was driving along 27th Street, and put my right arm around her. With a cigarette in hand.

I set her hair on fire. Really. I had to pull over and use my jacket to smother the flames (she was using some kind of hair spray or hair straightener that was flammable).

Amazingly, she doesn't remember that incident today. Even more amazing is that she continued to date me.

I'm now reminded of another date that took place years earlier. I was hanging out with some greasers then, and one of them fixed me up with a blind date. Her name was Debbie Reynolds (no, not that Debbie Reynolds).

All of us went to the movie theater with our dates. When all of the other guys put their arms around the shoulders of their dates, I did the same.

And Debbie Reynolds bit my hand.

Another memory:

Back in 1971 or so, my now-wife Debbie and I had split up. I was dating another young woman, also named Debbie (what's with all the Debbie's?).

On Christmas Eve, I went to the apartment of the Debbie who is not my wife. I gave her a nice Christmas present. And then I told her that I was leaving her to go back to the Debbie who is now my wife.

She burst into tears, and her roomate kicked me out of the apartment. Literally. She planted her high-heeled shoe squarely on my backside. It hurt.

By every measure of social skills, I should still be a bachelor today at age 55. I guess my wife took pity on me.

It's either that, or there are so many Debbie's out there that probability dictates that one of them will tolerate a boor like me.

[Leatherneck]

"On Christmas Eve, I went to the apartment of the Debbie who is not my wife. I gave her a nice Christmas present. And then I told her that I was leaving her to go back to the Debbie who is now my wife.

She burst into tears, and her roomate kicked me out of the apartment. Literally. She planted her high-heeled shoe squarely on my backside. It hurt."

Mr. Sensitivity you ain't, Monkeyleg. You've obviously improved your social skills; or your Debbie is actually a Saint.

TC

[Bogie]

Dumb date moves...

Back on the farm, in my early twenties, I was going to show a young lady how far back the fields went (my mother was living in the house at the front of the farm... and I was sure that seclusion was the better part of scoring...). So we get on the road to go around the farm to the other end, putting along in my volkswagen van, when the low-count possum that'd been eating my ducks decided to cross the road. I had to swerve to the other side, but I nailed him.

My date didn't think that was a Good Thing.
 
Moved to St. Louis. Went out on a date. Weekend night, lookin' like it was gonna be a good evening, maybe a better morning. Music, movies, whatever. So I pick up the young lady, and set out driving. Come to a corner stop sign (there's a lot of 'em in St. Louis), and there's a cat by the side of the road. It'd been hit by a car or a truck or something, and it wasn't in very good shape. In fact, it wasn't really shaped all that much like a cat anymore.
 
It's conscious, so I took a look at it, ascertained that large portions that should be on the inside were not on the outside, decided that it wasn't repairable, got into the trunk, and then I went over and fixed it.
 
My date freaked. She'd thought I was gonna get a nice towel,and rush the critter (on a weekend night...) to the nearest animal emergency room, where the nice vet would make it all better. Didn't really appreciate that I euthanized the thing as fast and as humanely as I could...
 
Next time I see a critter in the road on a date: "Nope... I don't think that was a cat. I'm pretty sure it was a possum. I'm glad I missed it."

[Mabs2]

The dumbest dating move I've ever made is never going on a date.
THAR BEAT THAT ONE11!



*cry*

[charby]

In summer of 1993 I was dating this very attractive gal and we decided to go cruzin' down the strip in Keokuk, IA. Keokuk was about 40 minutes drive from my hometown of Burlington, IA. We were zipping up and down the strip and if anyone is familiar with the main drag of Keokuk, every block has a stop light, so I was getting pretty tired of shifting gears in my Jeep, motor was getting a little warm and I was getting warm moving at a snails pace with the top down.

A convertible full of four fellows had pulled up beside us and kept staring at the lady riding with me as we drove up and down the strip. Well I was ready to hit the highway, get cooled down and head for home. So I hollered over to their car, give me a case of beer and you can have her. Well she proceeded to beat the crap out me then when we left town she would give me a punch every few miles or so. Needless to say we dated a couple months after that but our relationship was going downhill after that night.

Okay fast forward to recent time when I met the future Mrs Charby for the first time. We were both at a conference and both had hit the free keg and jello shots a little too much. Then fate have it we run into each other in the hall, she asked me if I wanted to drink out of her 'gator.

(She takes this rubber 'gator with her to these conferences and dares people to drink beer out of it, but the gator has a little hole near the tail which she covers with her finger and when she had the gator over to the person she lets go of the hole so the person gets a nice stream of beer down their shirt while drinking out it.)

I look at her friend and tell her (future mrs charby) that I like blonds and I don't drink out of no stinkin 'gator and my plastic cup suits me just fine. Funny thing is Mrs Charby is a brunette and her friend was a blond. So she just scowled at me and I went off to celebrate some more with my buddies in our room.

About a half hour later I ran into in her the hall and she wanted to braid my hair for odd reason, I said sure (I had hair at the time about 4" past my shoulders, now its 3/4 the way down my back) So we go sit in the corner of my room as everyone else is drinking in the room and she braids my hair. I look at her and say so what are you like 38 or something, seems like all I get hitting on me are these spinsters. She glared at me and said yes I'm 38 and a spinster and I promptly told her I'm 25 (I lied about my age and can pass easily for a college student). So she finished up braiding my hair, all my buddies started laughing and future wife's friend decides it time to go investigate another party.

Well sometime passed and I was fighting drinking another beer or going to sleep while one of the ladies that with us was trying her best to get me to go to bed with her. I was just about to agree when my future wife came in the room to see what was going on. She had a surprised look on her face when I was in the process of agreeing with the lady that was trying really hard to get in my pants. Then I got a whiff of sobriety and realized that this is a drunken hookup and bailed out of the room to go sober up elsewhere. Of course my future wife had already vacated the hall where my groups rooms were located.

I checked out the floors above, below and the conference room where all the free booze was at to apologize for being an ass. I couldn't find her, but I did see her at breakfast and for some odd reason her and I swapped contact info just in case either one of us was going to be in each other towns and get together for a cup of coffee or something. I'm not sure who asked for whose info first, kind of a hazy still drunk at breakfast morning.

So I stuck her info in my billfold and forgot about it. Funny thing is that we kept running into each other about every two weeks of so, just a simple hi and bye. Well after about the third encounter I called her up and we started calling each other everyday. I got around to telling her sorry I was an ass that first night we ran into each other, then she asked me if I slept with the one girl, I told no but I left the room right after you ducked out to go find you to apologize.

Well about three months after the conference we started dating, it wasn't one of those hey lets go out for a date, just sort of happened one night when I was in her town the night before a family get together.

Well now were just barely married and lovin' life.

-C

[The Rabbi]

Proposed.

[280plus]

Wrecked the girlfriend's car on a dark lonely stretch of backroad, her father was none too happy on many levels. The relationship didn't last too much longer after that, a day maybe...

[matis]

Dunked my date in the ocean.

For years I used love taking my kayak out to sea but I no longer owned it.


I had read that a skilled canoist can take a canoe out to sea and keep it upright.

So I invited the girl (barely remember much about her, now) to come canoing with me on the ocean -- first date.


Only problem was that I was not a skilled canoist and kayak skills are not canoe skills.


We left from the UCLA shell dock in Marina Del Rey (Los Angeles).


Everything went great.


For the first 40 feet.  then I turned the thing upside down and dunked us both.



For some reason she was cool toward me as she sat soaked in her seat while I drove her home.


Never saw her again.


I shoulda never sold that kayak.


I sometimes think about getting another kayak but there are too many alligators here in Florida.  And SWMBO would never get in a kayak, anyway.  She prefers cruise ships.  


matis

[zahc]

I told her "it's only 'premarital' if you intend to get married"

[brimic]

Picked up girlfriend.
Hit a deer on the way to a party.
Decided deer had some really nice meat on it.
Dressed out deer and threw it in trunk.
Took deer home, Dad said he would butcher it quick because it was warm out (he was pissed that I brought it home)
Took shower, changed clothes, took my date to the party.
Girlfriend never returned my phone calls after that night.

The other boneheaded thing I did on another date:

Took date to a movie.
1/2 way through movie, Taco Bell started knocking on the back exit.
Went to take a crap, dropped wallet in toilet.
Fished wallet out of the mess.
Took wallet to sink, emptied it, and washed everything.

[brimic]

So I invited the girl (barely remember much about her, now) to come canoing with me on the ocean -- first date.

I've taken at least 4 dates canoeing on a fast flowing winding river. I figured if they could learn to trust me with their life and limb and put up with me for an entire day and come back for another date, they were worth considering.

[gunsmith]

it was after the date, we had seen a comic and he made a
couple of flatuence jokes that my ex GF laughed at...so as she was falling asleep
I covered the blanket over our heads & let out a loud stinky....

never take romantic advice from comedians!

[Headless Thompson Gunner]

I, umm...   managed to hit my date, umm...  in the head...   with a sledgehammer, umm...   on our first date.

Musta been some permanent brain damage or something.  She's still seeing me, many years later.

[Iain]

The dumbest dating move I've ever made is never going on a date.
THAR BEAT THAT ONE11!



*cry*

I can. The dumbest dating move I ever made was going on one. So there.

I dropped a girl on the stairs once. Well really we were sat on the stairs talking and I swung sideways picked her up under the knees and armpits, and whilst sat and twisted sideways I lifted her about two inches in the air, realised my mistake and tried to lower her, but ended up dropping her. She had a nice stair bruise on her lower back.

Once I invited an American girl to go out on a date with me. That was a mistake. Somehow, somewhere in the intervening time between my asking and the intended night someone told her that British guys have expectations of 'dates', big expectations. Which just wasn't the case, she was a nice girl who made a point of telling me that she'd never been on a proper date. That was more of a disappointment, I guess the dumbest thing was not explaining myself and asking her again.

[chaim]

Think too much.


Many years ago (I was about 20), long before I was religious, there was this young woman.  We were already friends, on our way to becoming very good friends, and we also had many mutual friends.  She was probably the most beautiful woman I have ever known even to today, she was also one of the nicest women I've ever known even to today, and she was highly intelligent.  We had similar interests and world views.  She was basically the perfect woman.  While we were friends, the longer I knew her and the more time I spent with her the more I realized that I was developing some strong feelings for her and wanted to be much more than friends.

So, I asked her out.  However, I asked her out normally (i.e. "would you like to go to dinner and a movie") and didn't specifically mention the word date (i.e. "would you like to go on a date").  Well, she said yes and we went out.  However, since I wasn't crystal clear in my intentions it kept bugging me that I didn't know if it was a date or two friends going out.  I figured she could have taken it either way (yes I was stupid, especially when I refused to read her signals that she was interested).  We went out a few times but this kept bugging me.  So instead of being smart (I was too young, immature, and timid back then) and having a heart to heart to let her know my intentions I wimped out and simply stopped seeing her except with our group of friends.

Fast forward about 2 or 3 years (she moved about a year before this and we had totally lost touch).  One of her best friends was dating a friend of mine.  Somehow this woman came up, I mentioned my interest and explained the situation that I wasn't quite sure if she took it as dating or two friends going out.  Well, the friend had a "aha" look on her face and explained that this woman really was taken with me, knew I was very interested in her, and was confused about why we never worked out.  After her friend confirmed my stupidity, about a year after it was too late to try to rectify the situation (the woman involved and I had lost touch), it probably took me a year or two to completely get over it (I was rather pissed at myself).

So would that count as "dumbest thing done on a date"?

If not, I have one other really bad thing I did on a date.

I wasn't always religious.  Back around when I was 19 or 20 I met a young woman at a friend's college (I can't remember if it was right before or right after the above situation).  We went to a party, it was our first time out, we were both extremely drunk.  I got drunk fairly often back then, but I was more drunk than usual, we were alone, things were getting romantic, then I threw up on her.  Ended things pretty quickly there.

[Lo.Com.Denom]

I lifted her about two inches in the air, realised my mistake and tried to lower her, but ended up dropping her.

So that's how you pick up women!

Me? Just got horribly drunk. Horribly, horribly drunk, in fact...

Apologising for all the things I couldn't remember doing the next day, with the mother of all hang-overs, was worse though...

I pretty much gave up on dates for the next decade, after that.

[Moondoggie]

Took a girl out to teach her how to play racquetball.  It was her idea, she heard me talking about playing, and said that she'd like to learn sometime...sounded like an opening to me, so I asked he her and she said yes.

She was a major cutie, and I was very interested in her.

Soooo, we get to the racquetball court and I'm teaching her the basics and letting her smack the ball around until she said she thought she was ready to try a "game".  

I had cautioned her several times not to look behind her for the ball as that was a surefire way to get smacked in the face.

She's getting a little better after awhile, and I decide to zing one to impress her.....she turns around to look for the ball and takes it right on the cheekbone.  Dropped her like a hot rock.

First, last, only date.

Darn!

[Nathaniel Firethorn]

Went to bed with someone crazier than myself.

MULTIPLE times.

- NF

[crt360]

chaim, I had some similar experiences (except for the throw up on your date part).  After getting the "I can't date you because you're my good friend" crap from a couple of different girls who seemed quite interested in me, I pretty much gave up on asking out girls I was good friends with.  Dating someone you already know you're compatible with seemed like a good idea to me, but I guess it wasn't exciting enough for most girls.  Using my 20/20 hindsight, I'd say there were three girls that I wish I had asked out even though we were good friends.  I actually got together with one of them at a very large party, but somehow we got separated only to see each other again as we were leaving - and she was with a guy I knew.  She gave me this look I'll never forget - somewhere in between "I'm sorry" and "what do I do?"  I could have called her up after that, but I just felt sick.  I still do, when I think about it.  She was really sweet, smart, and hot.  She still was the last time I saw her, even after being married for ten years and having kids.

I haven't done anything too dumb on a date (at least, anything that wasn't encouraged by my date ), but if the purpose of dating was to hook up with a lifetime companion then I have used my alottment of dumbness.  One of the last girls I liked and spent a little time with turned out to be a vegetarian, "wear leather shoes, but harm no animals" type.  She wasn't a PETA posterchild, but I suspect she was a member.

Young college dudes out there, don't be afraid to keep asking girls you're friends with on dates.  They eventually won't be available anyway, even as friends, so you are not losing anything by trying.  The pickin's get slimmer (the bodies don't) and opportunities fewer and farther between once you get out of school and go to work.

[thebaldguy]

Good thread! Pretty funny!

Ok, my turn...

I met this girl through a friend. He was dating her roommate. I asked if she was single (she was), and we met at a group post college final drinking binge. I was still celebrating my honorable discharge out of the military 10 days earlier. She seemed pretty great. I finally got up the nerve and called her for a drink and a movie, and she accepted.

We went to the bar where we first met; we talked and had a few drinks and an appetizer before the movie, "The Golden Child" with Eddie Murphy (note: this movie was not the dumbest thing, but it was pretty bad). Things seemed to be going very well. On the way out the door to my car, I slipped and fell on a patch of ice on the sidewalk. Of course people were watching. I ripped both my jeans and knee open. I went from smiling Joe Cool to "do you have a kleenix for my knee" in less than a nanosecond. Observers of the event must have been amused.

I picked my self up, took the kleenix, mopped up the blood, and continued the date. The movie sucked, but after making out in a parking lot while my car warmed up we've been together ever since. The twenty year anniversary of the best ice wipeout is this year. We still laugh about it.

[Bogie]

Oh yeah...
 
This wasn't me, but I think it needs honorable mention...
 
Back on the farm, one spring night we heard a car just winding out. Again, and again...
 
So I hopped in the ol' volkswagen bus, and headed for the back of the farm... Pulled in, drove to the spot by the barn where folks seemed to like to park, and there's a station wagon.
 
In the middle of a freshly plowed and disked patch.  
 
And it'd rained that afternoon.

Some kid's in it with his girlfriend. Will I pull 'em out?
 
Nope. Tractor's down, and the VW ain't gonna do it.

Can I call someone? Nope. Didn't have a phone (was feeling rather antisocial at the time).
 
So... They got on the CB in the station wagon, and managed to reach HER father... Who drove out in a 4x4, hooked up the strap, and dragged 'em out. He apologized to me, but I suspect that the young man had his time numbered.

[Monkeyleg]

I guess I'm not the only socially-challenged one here. Some of this stuff is just too funny.

Back around 1972 or so, I had a Woodey Allen moment. One of many.

I was walking down Brady Street (the gathering place for all of the Hippies back then).

Across the street I saw an astonishingly beautiful young lady waving at me.

I didn't recognize her, but I'd already met many, many beautiful young women by that time. It was easy to forget.

So, I ran across the street to embrace her.

As I bounded across the street [let's picture a slow-mo camera  recording this ] to hopefully hug, kiss, and do whatever else was possible, she just ran right past me and into the arms of a guy who looked a lot like Robert Redford.

I stood in the street like a fool. (Not the first time, nor the last).

As I sit here at my age of 55, I now realize in retrospect how easy it is/was to meet attractive young women, young women whom I'd have been proud to introduce to my parents.

No baubles or gold chains or "what's your astro sign" pickup lines.

Just a straight and simple, "You're one of the most beautiful young women I've ever seen. If you're up for it, I'd like to invite you to dinner. You pick the night. I'd like to talk to you and see if we have things in common. If so, I think we may have a real future together. If not, the only cost to you is the time for dinner."

I'd like to hear feedback on that approach from our female ARP members.

[DrAmazon]

As I sit here at my age of 55, I now realize in retrospect how easy it is/was to meet attractive young women, young women whom I'd have been proud to introduce to my parents.

No baubles or gold chains or "what's your astro sign" pickup lines.

Just a straight and simple, "You're one of the most beautiful young women I've ever seen. If you're up for it, I'd like to invite you to dinner. You pick the night. I'd like to talk to you and see if we have things in common. If so, I think we may have a real future together. If not, the only cost to you is the time for dinner."

I'd like to hear feedback on that approach from our female ARP members.

Speaking as one of the APS females...

At this point in my dating life that would creep me out/put me off.  It sounds like a line.  
Give me your number and say "would you like to go for coffee/for a beer sometime".  Alternately, if we get time to talk and you find out what my hangouts are (coffee shop, bar etc), turn up there a time or two where we can chat-in public and with my friends around.  Then see where it goes.  Phone and internet are also a non-threatening way to see how compatible you might be.

[matis]

"Just a straight and simple, 'You're one of the most beautiful young women I've ever seen. If you're up for it, I'd like to invite you to dinner. You pick the night. I'd like to talk to you and see if we have things in common. If so, I think we may have a real future together. If not, the only cost to you is the time for dinner.'

I'd like to hear feedback on that approach from our female ARP members."




I don't know what the ladies on APS will say, Monkeyleg, but this reminds me of the joke about the guy who stood on the corner of Hollywood and Vine (hey! -- it used to be a good spot in the sixties) and asked each pretty girl that passed if she'd like to "sleep" with him.

He sure got a lot of slapping.

And he got a lot of "sleeping".



It's like what they teach beginning salesmen: Each "No" gets you closer to the prospect who will say "Yes".


But you gotta have the ego-strength for it.  Me, I also had to work up my courage first.


Life has taught me a bit more courage, but I'm spoken for now.    




matis

[Monkeyleg]

DrAmazon, thanks for the critique. Fortunately, I'm not in the dating scene anymore. Nor would I want to be.

One thing I did learn about dating is that it's a lot easier for a guy (or at least for me) to meet women if he's wearing a wedding ring.

I'm serious. There were women I'd pursued for years without luck who, once I was married, came on to me in a pretty aggressive way.

But those days are long gone. I realized, once I turned 50, that I could look all I wanted at young women, but the days of them looking back were over.