« previous next »
Pages: [1]

Author Topic: I need a Tazer...  (Read 2555 times)

K Frame

  • friend
  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 44,394
  • I Am Inimical
I need a Tazer...
« on: December 11, 2007, 06:59:24 AM »
I need to tazer a coworker...

Talk about a frantic, annoying squirrel.

I swear to God I just want to tazer her and say "RE EFFING LAX!"
Report to moderator   Logged
Carbon Monoxide, sucking the life out of idiots, 'tards, and fools since man tamed fire.

Manedwolf

  • friend
  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 14,516
Re: I need a Tazer...
« Reply #1 on: December 11, 2007, 06:59:55 AM »
Valium darts.
Report to moderator   Logged

member1313

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 148
Re: I need a Tazer...
« Reply #2 on: December 11, 2007, 07:09:56 AM »
Tazers are a form of torture, according to the UN.

You must be a bad person if you want to tazer someone.

(I'm joking. What did this lady do?)
Report to moderator   Logged

Paddy

  • Guest
Re: I need a Tazer...
« Reply #3 on: December 11, 2007, 07:37:01 AM »
She probably feels unloved.  You're a people person, give her a hug.
Report to moderator   Logged

El Tejon

  • friend
  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3,641
    • http://www.kirkfreemanlaw.com
Re: I need a Tazer...
« Reply #4 on: December 11, 2007, 07:39:19 AM »
Choke hold instead?
Report to moderator   Logged
I do not smoke pot, wear Wookie suits, live in my mom's basement, collect unemployment checks or eat Cheetoes, therefore I am not a Ron Paul voter.

charby

  • Necromancer
  • Administrator
  • Senior Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 29,295
  • APS's Resident Sikh/Muslim
Re: I need a Tazer...
« Reply #5 on: December 11, 2007, 07:45:09 AM »
Leave some chocolate chip cookies on their desk made with Ex-Lax.  30 minutes or less they will be spending the better part of the day on the toilet.

Report to moderator   Logged
Iowa- 88% more livable that the rest of the US

Uranus is a gas giant.

Team 444: Member# 536

K Frame

  • friend
  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 44,394
  • I Am Inimical
Re: I need a Tazer...
« Reply #6 on: December 11, 2007, 08:02:30 AM »
Quote from: Manedwolf on December 11, 2007, 05:59:55 AM
Valium darts.

I like that. It goes with my whole "RE EFFING LAX" statement.

This woman is just a pretty nasty person all around.

Very paranoid, very territorial, very micromanagement. God forbid you do something that she thinks MIGHT be an effort to cut her out, and she sees pretty much everything that way.

She and our process engineer got into it one day at a meeting. Ugly, and the process engineer was completely in the right.

She also has the peculiar habit of copying not just the program manager, but the program managers boss and often the next boss above on all e-mail. It's a very bizarre situation.
Report to moderator   Logged
Carbon Monoxide, sucking the life out of idiots, 'tards, and fools since man tamed fire.

Fjolnirsson

  • friends
  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1,231
  • The Anti-Claus
Re: I need a Tazer...
« Reply #7 on: December 11, 2007, 08:34:09 AM »
there are sugar substitutes that have a, shall we say, relaxing effect on certain areas of the body. They come in powder form, and can be used in coffee. careful not to overdo it....it can have unpleasant side effects...
Report to moderator   Logged
Hi.

Brad Johnson

  • friend
  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 18,083
  • Witty, charming, handsome, and completely insane.
Re: I need a Tazer...
« Reply #8 on: December 11, 2007, 08:55:10 AM »
Send her an anonymous box of chocolates.  The sugar free kind made with maltitol.  Just make sure to rebox them.  No sense in worrying her with things like warning labels...

*evil chuckle*

Brad
Report to moderator   Logged
It's all about the pancakes, people.
"And he thought cops wouldn't chase... a STOLEN DONUT TRUCK???? That would be like Willie Nelson ignoring a pickup full of weed."
-HankB

member1313

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 148
Re: I need a Tazer...
« Reply #9 on: December 11, 2007, 10:32:18 AM »
rofl

You guys are terrible. That reminds me of a short story.

This guy who used to be the head of the grocery department I used to work at was, shall we say, "mildly disliked" by the people under him in the same department.

He always had a big jug of Gatorade with him in his cart as he, and his crew would move from one aisle to the next. One day, the people in his department put infant laxatives in his Gatorade.

The rest is obvious.

Smiley
Report to moderator   Logged

K Frame

  • friend
  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 44,394
  • I Am Inimical
Re: I need a Tazer...
« Reply #10 on: December 11, 2007, 10:52:01 AM »
We had a guy at my office years ago who kept taking food out of the refrigerator.

He was told about it repeatedly, but no one really ever made enough of an issue out of it. He worked under the premise that any food in the fridge when he was in on the night sports shift was abandoned.

I lost part of an EXCELLENT sub to him one evening that was to be my lunch the next day. When it was gone the next day, I asked him if he had taken it. I was mighty hot under the collar. I considered chaining his car to a tree, but decided to use his own bad habits against him.

Chocolate Ex Lax pudding.

Big bowl of it.

He took the bait, and was out for two or three days.

When he came back, I left him an anonymous note... Hope you are feeling better. Must have been something you ate out of the fridge...

He finally got the hint.
Report to moderator   Logged
Carbon Monoxide, sucking the life out of idiots, 'tards, and fools since man tamed fire.

AmbulanceDriver

  • Junior Rocketeer
  • friends
  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 5,932
Re: I need a Tazer...
« Reply #11 on: December 11, 2007, 03:25:13 PM »
Quote from: Rob87 on December 11, 2007, 09:32:18 AM
rofl

You guys are terrible. That reminds me of a short story.

This guy who used to be the head of the grocery department I used to work at was, shall we say, "mildly disliked" by the people under him in the same department.

He always had a big jug of Gatorade with him in his cart as he, and his crew would move from one aisle to the next. One day, the people in his department put infant laxatives in his Gatorade.

The rest is obvious.

Smiley

Ever hear of methylene blue?  It's an organic dye that comes out as blue as it goes in, and BOY is it blue...

I worked in a place that had a communal coffee pot.  The only rule was  "If you finish it, start a new pot".  Well, one individual would always finish the pot and not start a new one.  Bad news if you're just coming off a call for a few minutes at night and have to head out for another one right away.  His attitude when confronted with this was essentially "f-you".  So one day, all the night folks were "advised" to bring their own coffee and someone added a pretty good measure of methylene blue to the coffee.  About an hour later, I had the joy of hearing this incredible scream coming out of the bathroom.  He came out and started cussing us out because we'd made him pee blue!!!!!!

Never did drink coffee at work again....
Report to moderator   Logged
Are you a cook, or a RIFLEMAN?  Find out at Appleseed!

http://www.appleseedinfo.org

"For some many people, attempting to process a logical line of thought brings up the blue screen of death." -Blakenzy

Hawkmoon

  • friend
  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 27,277
Re: I need a Tazer...
« Reply #12 on: December 11, 2007, 06:32:38 PM »
Quote from: Mike Irwin on December 11, 2007, 05:59:24 AM
I swear to God I just want to tazer her and say "RE EFFING LAX!"

Right. That'll work ...

Have you considered drugging her decaf?
Report to moderator   Logged
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
100% Politically Incorrect by Design

crt360

  • friend
  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2,206
Re: I need a Tazer...
« Reply #13 on: December 11, 2007, 08:48:57 PM »
Report to moderator   Logged
For entertainment purposes only.

gunsmith

  • I forgot to get vaccinated!
  • friend
  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 8,179
  • I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that.
Re: I need a Tazer...
« Reply #14 on: December 11, 2007, 09:34:20 PM »
oh man, this is a great thread!
Report to moderator   Logged
Quote from: RevDisk on April 06, 2012, 10:15:08 AM
Politicians and bureaucrats are considered productive if they swarm the populace like a plague of locust, devouring all substance in their path and leaving a swath of destruction like a firestorm. The technical term is "bipartisanship".
Rocket Man: "The need for booster shots for the immunized has always been based on the science.  Political science, not medical science."

seeker_two

  • friend
  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 12,922
  • In short, most intelligence is false.
Re: I need a Tazer...
« Reply #15 on: December 12, 2007, 01:33:48 AM »
Quote from: Mike Irwin on December 11, 2007, 05:59:24 AM
I need to tazer a coworker...

Talk about a frantic, annoying squirrel.

I swear to God I just want to tazer her and say "RE EFFING LAX!"

Be careful....she might LIKE it....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGEAxLHOg2M

....although most women don't really appreciate it when their date tries to electrocute them (don't ask me how I know this)......  undecided
Report to moderator   Logged
Impressed yet befogged, they grasped at his vivid leading phrases, seeing only their surface meaning, and missing the deeper current of his thought.

The Viking

  • Guest
Re: I need a Tazer...
« Reply #16 on: December 12, 2007, 01:57:29 AM »
Quote from: Rob87 on December 11, 2007, 06:09:56 AM
Tazers are a form of torture, according to the UN.

You must be a bad person if you want to tazer someone.

(I'm joking. What did this lady do?)
Torture isn't ALWAYS a bad thing.
Report to moderator   Logged
Pages: [1]
« previous next »