Sorry, honey.

[Perd Hapley]

Does your wife/girlfriend/Filipina indentured servant leave mascara on the bath towels?  It seems like if other women did this, I would have been warned of this peril of married life.  But at least I now understand why Tejon is not married. 


Casa Tejon, early one morning. 

Tejon - Ah, my Tejonita.  So sweet-smelling you emerge from your morning bath, as a freshly cut flower in spring.  Kiss me, dearest.

Tejonita - Oh, you.

Tejon (enters bathroom, stage right) - AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! 

Tejonita - My love, what horror has befallen?

Tejon, his voice weak and shaky - What a ruinous development!  The neatly folded white towel in the soiled laundry hamper.  Whence these black stains? 

Tejonita - Sorry, honey, some of my mascara got onto the towel. 

Tejon - Out!  Out! 

Tejonita - But Badger, my only love, wherever shall I go? 

Tejon - I don't know!  Someplace where people park on the lawn.  That's where you belong, you slob.

Exit Tejonita. 

[El Tejon]

I threw the last one out because she never cleaned my kitchen or bathrooms, left towels on the floor, left dishes in the sink and never took out the trash.

Too much of a cultural clash.  She was from TN and I'm a dedicated Yankee.  Back to the Dating Pool.

[280plus]

Sounds like my ex... 

[crt360]

I threw the last one out because she never cleaned my kitchen or bathrooms, left towels on the floor, left dishes in the sink and never took out the trash.

Too much of a cultural clash.  She was from TN and I'm a dedicated Yankee.  Back to the Dating Pool.

I'm glad you're still with us after such a devastating relationship.    Did she also park her 4x4 on the street with two wheels up on your curb, leave her jet ski trailer in your front yard, hang her muddy waders on your fence to dry, clean fish on your front porch, and hog the TV to watch Inside Nextel Cup?

[Perd Hapley]

I'm assuming Tejon doesn't have a porch.  I mean, why tempt Southron yahoos to -horrors- sit on it? 

[crt360]

I'm assuming Tejon doesn't have a porch.  I mean, why tempt Southron yahoos to -horrors- sit on it? 

True.  He probably has no use for one.

[El Tejon]

crt, thank goodness, no.  She did not, but she had "kin" that would if they had ever come up North.  The "I-will-turn-your-property-into-a-mudhole" attitude was enough.  She insisted in coming and going through the front door which would allow moths which were attracted to the exterior lights inside the house.

Living like a pig was bad, but it was the "I don't care" attitude that drove me nuts.  Not just her slovenly nature from her upbringing but the fact that she was not interested in improving herself.  When she dropped out of the PhD program I told her to leave at once.

Oh, well, lose some, win very few.

fistful, not much of a front porch, however I did catch her on the front steps last fall.  Thankfully that's the only time she did that!

[CAnnoneer]

As a matter of policy, I do not date women that use makeup, have long nails, or paint their nails.

[wmenorr67]

As a matter of policy, I do not date women that use makeup, have long nails, or paint their nails.

But you do date women?  Or is that their policy? 

[CAnnoneer]

But you do date women?

Yep, just not that kind. I have discovered experimentally that the amount of makeup scales linearly with the amount of psychological baggage, pretences, demands, irrationality, and bitchyness. On the other hand, less makeup seems to correlate well with far more agreeable and independent personalities.

[RadioFreeSeaLab]

Yep, just not that kind. I have discovered experimentally that the amount of makeup scales linearly with the amount of psychological baggage, pretences, demands, irrationality, and bitchyness. On the other hand, less makeup seems to correlate well with far more agreeable and independent personalities.

So very right.  The woman I'm seeing now wears no makeup, except on rare occasion.   I took her shooting for the first time last week, and she loved it.  Things are looking up!

[El Tejon]

Good policy, CA.

[Headless Thompson Gunner]

But you do date women?

Yep, just not that kind. I have discovered experimentally that the amount of makeup scales linearly with the amount of psychological baggage, pretences, demands, irrationality, and bitchyness. On the other hand, less makeup seems to correlate well with far more agreeable and independent personalities.

Ain't that the truth...

[De Selby]

Yeah, it's good to have a policy to cover all sorts of things you need in a woman:

-Big, muscular arms, so you know she can carry her own groceries and books and take care of herself

-Broad, muscular shoulders that lend themselves well to intimidating potential attackers, so you won't have to go everywhere with her risking your own hide to scare all those thugs away

-Tightly cropped hair, so you know she won't spend hours in the bathroom washing, drying, and brushing

-Leathered face, so she can go outdoors with you any time you want without you having to worry about her getting sunburned...if you forget the sunblock, no worries

-crooked, yellow teeth, so you know her parents weren't the freakishly detail oriented types to saddle her with braces and make her paranoid about toothbrushing.

-Calloused, strong hands with short fingernails, so she'll be able to help out with home projects and handle guns without breaking a nail.

The list goes on...now I understand no one's perfect, and we could add requirement after requirement, but I think the above are just the essentials.

[RadioFreeSeaLab]

...so basically I should date myself?

[CAnnoneer]

< material removed for fistful's comfort >

[CNYCacher]

Yeah, it's good to have a policy to cover all sorts of things you need in a woman:

-Big, muscular arms, so you know she can carry her own groceries and books and take care of herself

-Broad, muscular shoulders that lend themselves well to intimidating potential attackers, so you won't have to go everywhere with her risking your own hide to scare all those thugs away

-Tightly cropped hair, so you know she won't spend hours in the bathroom washing, drying, and brushing

-Leathered face, so she can go outdoors with you any time you want without you having to worry about her getting sunburned...if you forget the sunblock, no worries

-crooked, yellow teeth, so you know her parents weren't the freakishly detail oriented types to saddle her with braces and make her paranoid about toothbrushing.

-Calloused, strong hands with short fingernails, so she'll be able to help out with home projects and handle guns without breaking a nail.

The list goes on...now I understand no one's perfect, and we could add requirement after requirement, but I think the above are just the essentials.

I bet you don't suffer from claustrophobia. . .

[Perd Hapley]

CAnnoneer, please quit. 

[Matthew Carberry]

Hey now, I think shootin's on to something.

After all, dost not the prophecy of Belafonte I say:  

"If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life,
Never make a pretty woman your wife.
So from my personal point of view,
Get an ugly girl to marry you."

[De Selby]

Hey now, I think shootin's on to something.

After all, dost not the prophecy of Belafonte I say:  

"If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life,
Never make a pretty woman your wife.
So from my personal point of view,
Get an ugly girl to marry you."

I'm certain that if Socrates had written a pop song, this would be it.

[The Rabbi]

Hey now, I think shootin's on to something.

After all, dost not the prophecy of Belafonte I say: 

"If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life,
Never make a pretty woman your wife.
So from my personal point of view,
Get an ugly girl to marry you."

I'm certain that if Socrates had written a pop song, this would be it.

His student Plato knew from bitchy women.

[Ben]

I think Socrates had the worse wife. I believe Xanthippe (sp?) his wife's name, translates to scolding shrew. Good thing he was a philosopher... 

[CAnnoneer]

I think Socrates had the worse wife. I believe Xanthippe (sp?) his wife's name, translates to scolding shrew. Good thing he was a philosopher... 

That's one of the ways to become a philosopher.

[De Selby]

A scolding shrew for a wife?

That was in the pre-makeup age, so he probably did just fine with it.

My vote for unluckiest guy in the world is Jeremy Chatelain.  Not only is his wife young, beautiful, and a pop star...she wears make-up, is a professional dancer, and probably spends tons of time taking care of herself to maintain her appearance....AND she's French. The horror!

[Matthew Carberry]

A scolding shrew for a wife?

That was in the pre-makeup age, so he probably did just fine with it.

My vote for unluckiest guy in the world is Jeremy Chatelain.  Not only is his wife young, beautiful, and a pop star...she wears make-up, is a professional dancer, and probably spends tons of time taking care of herself to maintain her appearance....AND she's French. The horror!

For anyone else with no freakin' clue....

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/J%C3%A9r%C3%A9my_Ch%C3%A2telain