Armed Polite Society
Main Forums => The Roundtable => Topic started by: vaskidmark on April 28, 2013, 06:26:41 AM
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You only get one vote, so choose wisely.
http://www.forbes.com/sites/susannahbreslin/2013/04/17/porn-attorney/
When I met Dan Kapelovitz years ago, he was an editor for Hustler magazine.
Recently, he reached out to me on LinkedIn, and I noticed he’d become a criminal law attorney.
How does one go from editing an adult magazine to practicing law?
Kapelovitz explains.
I dunno. . It's pretty much a tie in my book.
- Deal with folks the rest of society dislikes? check and check
- Stretch the truth for all it's worth, and them sometimes outright lie? check and check
- Exaggerate the client's attributes and personality? check and check
stay safe.
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What about porn star turned realotr?
Harry Reems
http://nymag.com/nymetro/movies/features/10988/
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editors need to be good story tellers
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It could be worse. He could have become a senator or something. I guess there's still time for that.
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It could be worse. He could have become a senator or something. I guess there's still time for that.
Beat me to it, Tallpine.
I was going to add that his next career goal was to be elected to high office. ;/
Poper
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You only get one vote, so choose wisely.
http://www.forbes.com/sites/susannahbreslin/2013/04/17/porn-attorney/
I dunno. . It's pretty much a tie in my book.
- Deal with folks the rest of society dislikes? check and check
- Stretch the truth for all it's worth, and them sometimes outright lie? check and check
- Exaggerate the client's attributes and personality? check and check
stay safe.
What about porn star turned realotr?
Harry Reems
http://nymag.com/nymetro/movies/features/10988/
Both of those sound like laterals to me.
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A bad plot where everyone gets screwed by the guy with the pornstache? Yep, that sounds like real estate.
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Is it just me, or does porn editor sound better then both lawyer or realitor?
At least his fiction is paid for as fiction.
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Is it just me, or does porn editor sound better then both lawyer or realitor?
At least his fiction is paid for as fiction.
Not just you. =)
I keep wondering how many times a porn editor has to look at something before deciding to print it =D
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We have attorneys on APS, and at least one realtor. No porn editors, though. At least not pro's. ;)
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Baby steps, Monkeyleg. Baby steps. =D
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We have attorneys on APS, and at least one realtor. No porn editors, though. At least not pro's. ;)
That you know of. Some of us seem a little... edgy.
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We have attorneys on APS, and at least one realtor. No porn editors, though. At least not pro's. ;)
Sure about that?
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It's honest work. And although somebody is getting screwed, they're usually ok with it.
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I was all set to post that I wasn't really a lawyer/magistrate, and that I was really a porn editor, and lied out of embarassment. Then it dawned on me that no one would actually do that, so it wasn't funny.
Seriously for a second, once upon a time lawyers were respected. Ambulance chasers hurt the profession. In my opinion, the advertising you see on TV and such hurt it more. And, what's bad is that I've met many genuinely good people who practice law. That said, I rarely answer "lawyer" if asked what I do. I answered prosecutor when I was doing that, and magistrate now. I don't know, but it seems people associate "lawyer" with the dirtbag on the TV ads.
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I was all set to post that I wasn't really a lawyer/magistrate, and that I was really a porn editor, and lied out of embarassment. Then it dawned on me that no one would actually do that, so it wasn't funny.
Seriously for a second, once upon a time lawyers were respected. Ambulance chasers hurt the profession. In my opinion, the advertising you see on TV and such hurt it more. And, what's bad is that I've met many genuinely good people who practice law. That said, I rarely answer "lawyer" if asked what I do. I answered prosecutor when I was doing that, and magistrate now. I don't know, but it seems people associate "lawyer" with the dirtbag on the TV ads.
You may be a lawyer, but you're our lawyer - so cut him the hell down! =D
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I kind of hoped this would evolve intoo a lawyer joke thread. Haven't heard a new one in a long time.
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I kind of hoped this would evolve intoo a lawyer joke thread. Haven't heard a new one in a long time.
You asked for it... >:D
During the mid-1980s dairy farmers decided there was too much cheap milk at the supermarket. So the government bought and slaughtered 1.6 million cows. How come the government never does anything like this with lawyers?
- P.J. O'Rourke
Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?
A: Only three. The rest are true stories.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
A: Your Honor.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50
A: Senator.
Q: Why did God invent lawyers?
A: So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
Q: What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?
A: The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
A: I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
Q: Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
A: To prevent clients from being screwed twice.
Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.
Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't understand
Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
Q: What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
A: One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him.
She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.
Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior. Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans, please raise your hand."
Not one hand went up . . . . so she took them home and ate them.
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A lawyer went duck hunting for the first time in Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of the fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, "I shot a duck, it fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three-Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What is the Texas Three-Kick Rule?"
The Farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up." The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man's nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old coot! Now, it's my turn!"
The old farmer smiled and said, "No, I give up. You can have the duck."
______________________________________________________________
And one more...
There was a young couple very much in love. On the night before they were to be married, both were killed in an automobile accident. They found themselves at the pearly gates of heaven being escorted in by St. Peter. After a couple of weeks in heaven, the prospective groom took St. Peter aside and said, "St. Peter, my fiancee and I are very happy to be in heaven, but we miss very much the opportunity to have our wedding vows celebrated. Is it possible for people in heaven to get married?"
St. Peter looked at him and said, "I'm sorry, I've never heard of anyone in heaven wanting to get married. I'm afraid you'll have to talk to the Lord God Almighty about that. I can get you an appointment in two weeks from Wednesday."
Come the appointed day, the couple was escorted by the guardian angels into the presence of the Lord God Almighty, where they repeated the request. The Lord looked at them solemnly and said, "I tell you what; wait a year and if you still want to get married, come back and we will talk about it again."
A year went by and the couple, still very much wanting to get married, came back. Again, the Lord God Almighty said, "I'm sorry to disappoint you but you must wait another year, and then I will consider your request."
This happened year after year, for ten years. Each time they reasserted their yearning to be married; each time God put them off for another year. In the tenth year, they came before they Lord God Almighty to ask again. This time the Lord answered, "Yes, you may marry! This Saturday at 2:00 p.m. We will have a beautiful ceremony in the main chapel. The reception will be on me!"
The wedding went off without a hitch. The bride looked beautiful. The Buddha did the flower arrangements for which Moses wove simple yet elegant baskets. Jesus prepared the fish course. All of heaven's denizens attended, and a good time was had by all.
Tragically, but perhaps inevitably, within a few weeks, the newlyweds realized that they had made a horrible mistake. They simply couldn't stay married to one another. So they made another appointment to see the Lord God Almighty. Groveling and frightened, they asked if they could get a divorce.
The Lord heard their request, looked at them, and said, "Look, it took us TEN YEARS to find a priest up here in heaven. Do you have any idea how long it'll take us to find a lawyer?"
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You found the same site that I did.
I was looking for the best one, and you copypasted the first several pages.
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You found the same site that I did.
I was looking for the best one, and you copypasted the first several pages.
There are some good ones further down I didn't get to before I decided I already had too many. =D
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A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"
Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."
"That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?"
Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."
"Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?" Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse."
The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation.
Billy's father said, "I'm actually an attorney. How can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?
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I was all set to post that I wasn't really a lawyer/magistrate, and that I was really a porn editor, and lied out of embarassment. Then it dawned on me that no one would actually do that, so it wasn't funny.
Seriously for a second, once upon a time lawyers were respected. Ambulance chasers hurt the profession. In my opinion, the advertising you see on TV and such hurt it more. And, what's bad is that I've met many genuinely good people who practice law. That said, I rarely answer "lawyer" if asked what I do. I answered prosecutor when I was doing that, and magistrate now. I don't know, but it seems people associate "lawyer" with the dirtbag on the TV ads.
It also doesn't help when most politicians are lawyers and people realize that laws and regulations are pretty much written so as to guarantee lawyers continue to have jobs.
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Regolith, Tallpine: :D :D :D