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Relationship harassment!

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Big_R:
Free advice, worth what you paid for it.

I believe that under MN law, the accuser needs to prove that the situation would be found offensive to a "reasonable person", whatever that means.  In situations like this, you needed to be aware that your behavior was offensive, and continued it.  If she didn't do that, you can claim ignorance (I wasn't aware my comment was offensive, it wasn't intended to be).

The good thing is your boss seems to be on your side.  Try to remember if this person made any derrogatory comments about your relationship in the past (identify a pattern), and if during any of those conversations, you told her that it was none of her business or that her opinion to you was offensive.  Document that, and write down any witnesses who saw the conversation.  The handbook may be your saving grace, since the company has included marital status in their protected classes, which I believe is covered under MN labor law.

Ryan

thebaldguy:
Update on original post:

I met with my HR person. She was shocked to learn that other things had been said; she had no idea of what really happened in the discussion. My accusers did not tell her that they had made some questionable statements as well. She did say that that changed things a bit, as she only had heard one side. She was under the impression that I was the sole guilty party and instigator. She was actually pretty receptive about hearing my side of the story. I think my explanation reduced my guilt level. She told me to speak with my managers about the complete incident.

My managers were pretty supportive actually; they know that I am not a sexist person. They told me that the accusers (who they don't know) were very petty about the comment I made. They also said that they heard some of the conversation, and they felt that some people are overly sensitive. The department manager was also very disappointed that some people can dish it out but can't take it. They sort of apologized to me about the situation, and they also felt I was somewhat of a victim. They also warned me that some people are sensitive on a sliding scale; some things are ok, some are not. You never know when they will scream "offensive statement", even though they may have said something offensive.

My lawyer reminded me about the seriousness about this. Be on the alert; don't put yourself into a situation that may result in a harassment charge. He said it boils down to stay or leave. Stay and do your work, behave, or leave and find a situation that could be better or worse. I like my managers, I like my job, and would like to stay. I think I have learned a huge lesson here; don't ever, ever, assume that someone will not be offended, no matter what their past behavior has been. Be nice to everyone, but trust no one.

Thanks again for all your comments and support. I have learned something here; maybe someone else will avoid becoming a victim of overly aggressive political correctness. Always watch your six.

zahc:
Congratulations on your relationship, seriously. Major props to both of you, and don't listen to anyone who questions its morality.

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